Fiance and his step family - top table fights

bubbles0169

tis ok im all over the dodgy hugs

yes i fear i have to nip it in the bud but im such a weakling(cue jeremy kyle type childhood with wicked stepmother) that ill say shes not invited, feel guilty for upsetting my sister and end up inviting stepmother, stepmothers son, his gf and baby plus the neighbour from next door, as big of a gesture as i can to say sorry

Impet_Limpet

There's plenty of time before the wedding to sort some of these things.
How old is your sister? e.g. has she been married herself. I found that those not married or have never had to deal with guest list difficulties are the ones assuming the world and his dog are invited.
At this stage how about you chat to her and mention that you are non committal on the guests outside the wedding party and family and you'll be waiting until closer to the time to decide on who is invited, if you feel brave enough (and possibly with the presence and backing of your OH too) explain that you and your mum don't feel comfortable with your step mums presence (i.e. who will she mix with while your sister is being BM).
Does your sister know many people going to your wedding? It could be that she feels a little left out and would like someone to share a room with/be with, how about perhaps a friend?

It all depends on your guest list - good luck

bubbles0169

shes only 18, she is VERY opinionated as most 18 yo are but she actually scares me with some of her rudeness lol
our other sister will be a bridesmaid too and their sister, my step sister is invited and will drive them to the venue and share a room if they have one

Impet_Limpet

Do you think it's worth speaking to the other sisters/BMs, they may have a more adult head, be more reasonable and not even expect your step mum to be invited, therefore you have backup when the 18 yo talks about it. She may have just assumed and not actually thought about it properly.

Do you feel approaching your step mother directly and speaking to her would help? (For example is she making noises that suggest she's expecting an invite, if not or she already talks as if she's not invited that something less for you to worry about).

bubbles0169

my other sister is only 17 so wont speak to her but my step sister is older than me so i think i will speak to her about it, trouble is she lives the other side of the country so dont see her often and i feel its too personal for an email or phone call

i dont see my step mum too often, we act like nothing happened all those years ago, when i did see her last, when my sis said about a hotel for them i just said quickly that ill be putting information in the invites about a bus for those who want to go home or, the hotel prices plus the name of a b&b, she didnt act like she was being invited or not so i cant get a feel for what shes thinking
thanks for your advice x

Scotsbride

bubbles0169 wrote: »

i hate how one of the happiest days of my life is turning into turmoil
ive said it loads about 'riding the wedding wave, letting it wash over you' but i seem to keep falling off the surfboard and choking on the salt water
my mum wants her bf on the tt as 'he is with her at the wedding isnt he?' i replied im sorry i hadnt thought that way, my grandad is giving me away, he'll be in the FOB seat, i was going to put mums bf with her sister and brother too
a bit off topic but my sister, one of my bm's, said to her mum(my stepmum) that they should get a hotel to stay in as if i was inviting stepmum to my wedding, i have never wanted to but feel i have to now to keep the peace with my sister even though i know my mum wouldnt want her there and actually nor do i
im getting more and more wound up, going round in circles and before long im not going to enjoy wedding planning with this hanging over me but ive still got 16 months to go
sorry for my ramblings

judging from all these posts on top tables I would say maybe a sweetheart table is the way to go. That way nobody is favored over another person you don't have to worry about odd numbers. you can get up and miggle with guests without squeezing passed people. I can simpify slightly over the step mum issue I don't want mine there either but have to invite her to be polite. so sending big hugs. Is there anyone you can talk to about the step mum issue like another sibling best friend relative uther than the one you mentioned. I hope you get it sorted soon.

bubbles0169

thanks but i do want a top table and before my mum and sis put their oars in i had it all worked out perfectly!
my grandad in the FOG seat, mums bf on the aunty/uncles table and step sister chaperoning the girls to the wedding!

i will bend the ear of my friends i think and hope they can advise me x