Fiance and his step family - top table fights

Mrs_Moore_To_Be

We have 4 sets of parents. Both lots divorced and re-married. We had our Bridesmaids and ushers etc on top table and then had 4 round tables in front of us, and then another 4 behind that. On those 4 tables at the front each of our sets of parents 'hosted' their own tables. This worked great as they were comfortable by sitting with their partners and people they liked and caused no 'politics'.

At the end of the day its YOUR day so you decide. If they dont like it tough. Easier said than done but we worried so much about it I was almost sick. On the day they will all be fine as its your day and they wouldnt dare not. Dont stress xx

PinkPrincess83

Hi

What a difficult situation to be in. And i feel for your other half as im sure deep down he still has that little boy in him who is just desperate for his mothers affection and approval.

I would maybe give her the choice- she sits on the top table at the very end, on her own without her partner and maybe say it would have to be next to a member of the bridal party (if you had the tradtional lay out next to your chief bridesmaid) or she can sit on a normal table with her partner (and other people she may know) , and make it clear its either of these options and nothing else. This way its a compromise but she isnt fully getting her own way, if you give in now what else will she try and take over and get her own way on.

You should come join us on the July 2012 thread.

hermanmunster_3

TBH seems really odd to that someone is demanding to be on the top table, 14 months before the event.
Would have been better if it had never been discussed and if she had good manners she would never have brought up the subject. Anyway as it has now been brought up - best think of some other options ...

We had a buffet with a table set for us, one for the parents and everyone else sat where they liked, found some lovely combinations of people and they all looked happy. tends to be fairly effective in keeping people under control ....

Otherwise just do as you wish - I was witness (only bridesmaid etc etc ) at a friends wedding where grooms mother had married twice and surname was only one letter different - ex and current wives had been sat together by the hotel - bride's mother and I did damage limitation and no one said a word.

kazwookie

I tell her to do one, if you let her rule your wedding now she will IMO be ruling everything in for life for ever more.

Your wedding your day, your top table NOT hers.

cte1111

It's not worth falling out with your prospective mother in law. Why can't they all sit at the top table if you have to have one? A wedding is only one day, you're going to be part of the same family for the rest of your lives.

Impet_Limpet

Top tables can be hard to sort out, whatever you decide make sure you both agree and stick to it, I would also refrain from saying anything about the top table arrangement until closer to the time. I potentially had a tricky scenario too.

My mum and Step dad (who I consider my own dad) divorced a few years back. My step dad has remarried this lovely lady, she's very sweet, quite shy and all round great lass. My mum on the other hand is going out with a gentleman who I am finding it hard to get on with, I tolerate him but I don't feel comfortable with him being at the top table.

I got round this by asking my step dads wife (without mentioning the above) where she would prefer to sit and she has said she wouldn't mind sitting somewhere with my OH family, so that solved that! (I was aware this strategy could have backfired big time!)

I just have to arrange the table so that my step dad and mum don't have to sit next to each other!! :rotfl:

Just good luck with whatever you decide to do!

bubbles0169

impet sorry could you explain where your mums boyfriend will sit and how youve told them? i couldnt work it out from that post
im in a similar situ too but my mum wants him on my top table even though the number will then be odd which i dont like

Impet_Limpet

My mums boyfriend is going to sit on a table with relatives from my mums side, so they will still be nearby to each other (as in the tables for our immediate relatives will be closer to the front than tables seating friends.)

I'd already mentioned that I didn't want an overly large top table as there are only 45 coming to the day and didn't want it to be "top heavy". Once step dads wife said she didn't fancy sitting at the top table as she's quite shy, it made life so much easier.
It was something along the lines of "cos we can't fit everyone on the top table, as person X (stepdads wife) is sitting at a table with OHs family, it will be appropriate to sit you (mums boyfriend) with aunty and uncle and my brother (mums family)." I was expecting a response of "But I wanna sit at the top table!" To which the reply would be no/it would be uneven or unfair/wouldn't be able to sit you next to each other anyway/you'll get to sit with my bro who is attending on his own.

I can say though it was a very hard decision to make at the time and was the single biggest stress so far. I don't envy anyone with top table woes! The fact that seating can nowadays be so flexible is our best friend and greatest enemy!

Luckily my mum agrees/sees my side. I think the key is to stick to your guns and have other people in the family see your side so they can back you up.

My back up plan was a sweetheart table or similar!

bubbles0169

i hate how one of the happiest days of my life is turning into turmoil
ive said it loads about 'riding the wedding wave, letting it wash over you' but i seem to keep falling off the surfboard and choking on the salt water
my mum wants her bf on the tt as 'he is with her at the wedding isnt he?' i replied im sorry i hadnt thought that way, my grandad is giving me away, he'll be in the FOB seat, i was going to put mums bf with her sister and brother too
a bit off topic but my sister, one of my bm's, said to her mum(my stepmum) that they should get a hotel to stay in as if i was inviting stepmum to my wedding, i have never wanted to but feel i have to now to keep the peace with my sister even though i know my mum wouldnt want her there and actually nor do i
im getting more and more wound up, going round in circles and before long im not going to enjoy wedding planning with this hanging over me but ive still got 16 months to go
sorry for my ramblings

Impet_Limpet

Oh Hugs!! I can only offer the dodgy group hug ans the one with long pink arms has gone!

:grouphug:

Yes I know people pull the " I am at the wedding with such and such!", they're not there to entertain their partners and keep them company, she's there to fulfil a "duty" (that's a very blunt way of putting it and I wouldn't recommend you speak that out loud to her!!!) it can be infuriating, don't make them try and justify yourself with comments like that. It's easy for me to say (as my top table headache is over), but I think you have explained yourself adequately (will there be others at the top table whos partners are sitting elsewhere?).

Our Best Man and Maid of Honour are sitting at the top table away from their OHs, that's before considering my step dad and my mum.

Regarding your sister - I'd nip this in the bud ASAP, don't invite your step mum if you don't feel comfortable - though I can't give advice on how to deal with this.