Big dilemma, advice please ...

clearingout

I say try for a baby as soon as possible - you have no idea what lies ahead on that score. At the same time, cut back on everything and throw as much as you can at the debt to get rid of it.

I was terrified of managing financially when I was pregnant with my first child. I now manage, on my own, on less than I was earning myself 7 years ago (and with a husband in tow) and I am paying back a debt as well as running a car. I have no idea how I do it, but I do! My children don't have everything that I would like to give them - and certainly, they have less than many of their friends in terms of playstations, wiis, ds's etc. etc. etc. - but we have a roof over our heads, transport, decent food, warmth etc. In short, we manage. It isn't how I planned it, believe me, but if I had a choice between not having my children with financial security or having my children and struggling to make ends meet, I'd say my life is about as perfect as it gets!

make_me_wise

I would also say try for a baby as your priority. There are all kinds of ways to manage your debt. You could consolidate all the debt and pay it off over a longer period at lower levels. The debt problem is manageable.

My hubby and I didn't have debt but wanted to get everything in order before having a baby. We worked for years to get to good levels in our careers, get a nice home, good cars etc, delaying ttc in the process. We thought it would happen easily. It took us 2 years to fall pregnant, just found out a couple of weeks back that baby due in Jan.

We honestly thought up until that point that we had made the biggest mistake of our lives by delaying ttc and had missed our opportunity. Go for it and good luck

BitterAndTwisted

In four years will be only 32. That's a potential 20 years of fertility left. You have plenty of time

I think you'd be absolutely mental to try and get pregnant while you've got so much debt round your necks. At the very last I'd leave it for a couple of years so you don't have to commit a whole wage to debt-repayments. That's a heartstoppingly huge amount! Having a child means you should have some savings for contingencies because there will always be one or some, not debts.

JodyBPM

I think this is a difficult one, I can see the reasoning on both sides.

I'm inclined to think that your lives would be sooo much easier if it wasn't for the debts. The whole of one salary going on debt repayments is a huge debt!

Could you not split it in the middle, and spend 2 years throwing everything you can at the debts and then start trying? That way you are not leaving it too long, but at the same time you should have massively reduced your debts, and be heading towards being debt free. And if it takes a year or so to concieve, you could well be debt free by the time the baby arrives.

I agree it is a good idea to talk to the consultant about how much difference a year or two would make to your chances of conceiving.

happy35

if I were you I would try for a baby now as you dont know how long it will take you to conceive, and how long you will need to wait for any treatment you may require

it would be more practical to wait but if you know you may not conceive easily then I dont think I would wait even though it would be better to pay off the debts

leos-mummy

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

In four years will be only 32. That's a potential 20 years of fertility left. You have plenty of time

I think you'd be absolutely mental to try and get pregnant while you've got so much debt round your necks. At the very last I'd leave it for a couple of years so you don't have to commit a whole wage to debt-repayments. That's a heartstoppingly huge amount! Having a child means you should have some savings for contingencies because there will always be one or some, not debts.

20 years of fertility? its well known that fertility decreases from about 35, more chance of complications etc. OP already has problems conceiving prob best she starts trying asap but thats just my opinion. i have debts and a child... we cope fine. he always gets before the debt does. i own nothing really so they cant take anything from me. she could also try consolidatin her debts into one easy payment a month althought this may not help her credit file

Fluffy_Tigeress

Thank you for all the kind words.

Depending on what the consultant says - I think we will wait 12 months - kick the !!!! out of the debts and then try.


I over estimated the time left, did a SOA and snowball calculator - its 34 months, so not as bad.


If it's really bad news we'll try sooner.


I agree we have a lot of debt, but also we have a lot of fertility probs. So it's finding that delicate balance!


Cheers everyone No doubt I shall come back and post more often!!

Collie_Collie

Fluffy, I hope this doesn't sound Pollyanna-ish.
I really like this site and know what sort of stress money worries can have but I'd really advise you to think what is really important. Downsize if you can to ease your debts but the people you love are the main thing so don't leave things too long because of money.
Our society is very consumption driven but imagine you are 94 what will have been important in your life?
Good luck.
Collie

anguk

Personally I would start trying for a baby now, continue to pay your debts, try and cut back a little if you can so you can throw more at the debts.

Yes ideally you'd like to conceive when your debt free and financially sound but if you've got fertility problems is that a chance you want to take? If you have a baby and still have debts you'll manage, most people do, babies aren't that expensive despite what the shops and magazines would have us believe. In fact they cost very little for the first few years, breast feed (if you can), get some washable nappies, some basic clothing and equipment and you're set.

gizmo111

Go for the baby - the money will sort itself out.
When mine were little we didn't have much money - but being home with them was the happiest time of mine of my life - the debts got cleared when I went back to work.