9 yr old DD cries when going to school

Abbafan1972

My 9 year old DD cries every morning when I drop her at school and I'm tying myself in knots because I don't know what to do.

2 mornings a week she gets dropped of at the school club as I go to work and then the other 3 days I take her to the school playground at normal time.

She's usually ok on the way to school but come the time she has to go into school she gets really upset.

I have spoken to her teacher who says that there's nothing wrong at school, other than the fact she doesn't like leaving me. But she's in year 4 now and should be used to going to school by now. This has only just recently started happening in the last couple of weeks.

Last Friday, I had to go back into school because she'd forgotten her lunch bag and the teacher told me she was upset in class and it was something to do with her hair and hairband she was wearing.

Has anyone else been through this sort of thing? Could she be starting to go through puberty already and is a bit hormonal?

pozalina

Hi, sorry you're going throught this. As it has just started recently there may be a trigger that you don't yet know about. If it was me I would ask the teacher to keep an eye on her and see if there are any clues, e.g. friendships. You could also have an open discussion with your daughter and say you're not sure if something is making her unhappy at school but if there is you understand she not want to tell you, but if she does you might be able to help sort it out. Have there been any changes at school or home that might have unsettled her? Sometimes children can become more clingy when usual routines are disrupted in some way.

Hope you get to the bottom of it.

JodyBPM

What a horrible situation to be in.

I have to say that my first thought, given that she's a 9 year old girl, would be fall outs with friends. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how horrible young girls can be to each other, and fickle too, best friends one day, being left out the next.

I'd keep an eye on her, and ask her teacher to as well, and then see how she gets on. It might all blow over again in a few weeks.

jackyann

Bit early, but hormones could be kicking in. However, I wouldn't go down that route yet (you might be dismissing something serious)
Ask school to notice specially if there is any difference on "club" days & your drop-off days.
Notice yourself - do you know first thing if this is going to be a "good day" or a "difficult day". Why?
Let her know you are concerned & want to help, but don't push & prod (kids need to find their own words).
Sometimes an aunt / godmother / older cousin can take a chance for a word. Kids will often open up to a trusted adult / older child about something they can't share with a parent.

cte1111

I think most children go through phases of not wanting to go to school / not wanting their parent to leave them there. Sounds like you've done the right thing by talking to her teacher. My DD is 8 and goes through phases like this (although happily not for a while). I try to make sure I spend some time each day concentrating on her and that gives her the opportunity to tell me if there are any problems.

Have there been any other changes in your lives recently? She could well be expressing some insecurity about other matters by clinging to you at school time.

peachyprice

Oh I do feel for you. I have a friend who's daughter is like this, she has serious separation anxiety to the extent that she won't even go to parties or to play at anyones house if her mum isn't there.

make_me_wise

The first thing that came to my mind is that she may be getting bullied. You said that this has only started happening recently so it is unlikely to be seperation anxiety. At 9 she would be a bit old for this anyway wouldn't she.

Its possible that the teacher may be unaware of any issues going on with other kids. Does she have a good circle of friends who she can hang around with at break-times or is she more of a loner?

Have a chat with her and try to get to the bottom of things. Hope she is okay OP.

Desperado99

My DD went through this in year 2. We had all the questions - Is there anything wrong at home? etc.

It turned out to be quite simply a personality clash between the teacher and my DD (I really like the teacher in question, but she is rather kooky and has an very dry sense of humour). It took a few weeks for us to work out why DD was upset every morning going into school and, unfortunately, it lasted the whole school year (sorry).

But, my point is, there probably is something specific causing it. Hopefully, she will tell you what's up soon.

Hope it get's sorted soon

balletshoes

I agree that age 9 its not likely to be separation anxiety, and it is probably something specific. I hope she can find the words to tell you what it is, then you can reassure her as appropriate etc.

I've been there with my 9-year old - and she was in year 5. She was really struggling with being in a split class with year 6s, struggling with the teasing and comments from the older kids etc (ie them thinking they were being cool and clever by managing to give out snide comments to the younger kids under the teachers nose). Almost all the year 5s struggled with this for a good half term, and my DD would cry the night before going to school sometimes. We talked to her teacher together about how she was feeling, that seemed to help her.

ailuro2

I'd have a look at all areas rather than just school, is everything OK at home, no ill grandparents or threat or redundancy, anything like that?

Or perhaps a close chum might be moving away, or someone is bullying her, or even someone close to her.

Try and spend some one on one time with her doing something nice and peaceful, and see if she'll open up to you then. Remind her if she's too scared to say something because she think it will sound silly that she can write a letter and leave it on your pillow for you to read.

emsywoo123

Bunting wrote: »

My DD went through this in year 2. We had all the questions - Is there anything wrong at home? etc.

It turned out to be quite simply a personality clash between the teacher and my DD (I really like the teacher in question, but she is rather kooky and has an very dry sense of humour). It took a few weeks for us to work out why DD was upset every morning going into school and, unfortunately, it lasted the whole school year (sorry).

But, my point is, there probably is something specific causing it. Hopefully, she will tell you what's up soon.

Hope it get's sorted soon

I could have written this EXACT post!!