OH has just walked out

Sadme_2

Am posting under a different user name as OH knows my usual one.

Since being made redundant I have worked really hard at both getting the house together and finding another job. OH has some health problems and have been supporting him through these as well. It's gradually dawned on me that OH is just not committed to our marriage, he has spent his days watching tv, dvd's and on the computer while I do housework, cooking cleaning etc.

To cut a long story short we had words today after hoovering downstairs he'd made a mess which he'd just left, presumably assuming I'd clear it up. We had a row and a while later he came down with a backpack and basically said if there's any more of this I'm off. After a few more words he walked out.

This has been a pattern of his during all the time we've been together, I think he expects me to run after him (which in the early days I did) to reassure him I love him (which I do, very much).

Am now sitting here wondering if this time he will actually come back, frightened, very unhappy and don't know what to do. Just had to put this down in writing, I don't have close friends as he didn't like me spending time with them, so cyber space is really my place for venting and discussing how I feel.

2nd_Time_Lucky

Didnt want to read and run..

((hugs)) hopefully he will come home soon and you can talk it through BUT if he doesnt- his loss

meer53

Sounds like my ex. Do what i did, wake up and smell the roses ! A relationship should be about give and take, you shouldn't be doing everything but, like me, you made a rod for your own back by running after him and now he can't cope with the fact that you've realised thats not how it's supposed to be. When (if) he comes back, you both need to have a long chat about how you feel, if he doesn't know you're pi**ed off or why, you need to spell it out to him. If he doesn't like what you say, you have a very big decision to make. My ex did me a favour by going off with his slapper of a girlfriend, i've never been happier !! You might struggle at first, but as someone once said "don't go looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, stomp up there and turn the !!!!!!! thing on for yourself" !!! You won't be Sadme for long !

Emmzi

If you run after him you are saying "your behaviour is ok"

Is it?

scooby088

I think you really need a serious talk with him if/when he comes back tell him a few home truths and then you can truly move forward if you want to.

MrsE_2

Sadme, I've got much the same going on, except I asked my husband to leave nearly 2 weeks ago. Doesn't make it any easier, I'm still gutted & my heart aches.
Don't let him treat you like an idiot. If he wants to come back you make him work for your marriage.

SAK45

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down and having to put up with this kind of attitude. Isn't it always the case though? We women put up with so much and make the most of any situation but they find the easy route out at the first sign of trouble.

Give him time to think, I wouldn't ring him tonight. Let him think about what it is he wants and contemplate on his behaviour. If he is remorseful and feels anything for you, he will return.

He needs to understand your feelings too.

I know what you must be going through, thinking maybe it's your fault , that's what we always do and run after them. They need to look at their behaviour and try to understand where and why things are going wrong.

Easier to say, but try and distract yourself this evening by watching a movie on tv, or even vent your feelings on here. It'll definitely help.

Jinx

I wouldnt run after him and when he reappears I think a candid chat is in order. And of course you can choose not to tidy/clean/cook for him.

My hubby was made redundant and after a bit we had to have a chat about the lack of things being done around the house (I was working) I tried to be tactful but I think it hit him where it hurt regardless and he accepted things had to change.

rachbc

The thing that worried me about your post is not that he appears to be a lazy oaf but that he is isolating you from your friends so you become emotionally dependent on him - therefore making you more likely to put up with his !!!!!! as you feel you don't have anywhere to turn. I'd concentrate my energies on rebuilding my relationships outside the marriage and then see if you still feel the same way about him....

ovoreo

Big hug from me. I remember when my ex left me. I was left stunned for a couple of hours as for me it was totally out of the blue. It slowly dawned on me that he wasn't telling me there was a problem with our relationship and we had to work on things but actually that he was already over me and was leaving forever. I eventually had the courage to tell my family what was going on (I worried that if I told them and we sorted ourselves out they'd never see him in the same way again).

I think it is very cruel to leave with little explanation just because you exchange a few words with your partner. My ex did that once or twice and it devasted me and I think he realised the affect it had on me. He must know you will worry about him, re-think your argument and also be concerned about where he will stay. Do you think he'll stay out all night to prove a point?

CH27

Do you really want him back?