I hate the way I think

missyp123

Iceland do a big BBQ pack for £5 i think??? And i agree, get friends to bring a bottle, i never suppy alcoholic drinks, that way they can drink what they like.

Also with the car..is your OH not good at changing brake pads and oil changes etc? We save a fortune now as my hubby learnt how to do it by helping his mechanic friend a few times

flyingember

Hi

Why don't you post a SOA then people can comment on your financial situation and give you ideas on developing a plan with you BF?

fe

LianneH

please dont hate the way you think about money - I think it should be celebrated - and you deserve a pat on the back so good on you!

I do know what you mean though, as I have full responsiblity for money in our house and i feel i spend my life crunching the numbers! and its down to me to say yes or no to OH regarding spending - but hey someone has to be sensible!

for the BBQ, why not say to your "closer" friends of the bunch to bring some things like the salad or the dips - I usually find my friends love when i do this as they feel "important"! Also i usually find that most people will bring a bottle of something and you end up with far too much left over, so maybe cut back on what you would normally buy for an occasion like this?

I agree with Flyinember - maybe do a SOA - I found it so useful

Good luck x

SJ1

Feel for you, I have a hubby who sees the top line number of how much we earn and doesn't really think about what we have to actually spend that on before it's money for spending. He also has a whole host of expensive hobbies. I think you have to try to compromise. We have started little accounts for ourselves so he can spend it on what he wants and I can on what I want. Tricky when you have debts to overpay but maybe a thought for the future?

I think you are a bit more stressy as babies are expensive. Why don't you drag him into mothercare and start totting up how much it would all cost, don't mention the second hand sites to him!

Head to your butcher and get a BBG pack, ours do a huge one that would feed about 40/50 people for £26. Go get the bread and then ask people to bring a little side dish - green salad & potato salad and the most of it's covered. Most of my friends are more than happy to do this. If you feel you have to do pud then get a block of icecream and some wafers and a jar of sauce and off you go. The block costs £1 and my kids love this. I bought this and some M&S ice cream and the M&S ice cream is still there....

Try to stop worrying - you are doing really well.

SJ

quantic

Hopefully if you keep thinking the way you do, you won't need to anymore - when you don't need to be anymore you can choose to and I'm sure that will be a nicer experience than feeling like you have no choice.

happycrafter_2

I recently did a BBQ and it didnt cost a lot, I never put out salad it just doesnt get eaten. I do a pasta salad (pasta, chopped tomatoes, italian herbs and either grilled vegetables or bacon and chorizo from aldi), make my own flat garlic bread (flour, yeast, salt, roll out flat in to a tray cover with garlic that has been crushed and mixed with oil bake in the oven), if they are on special offer I do roasted new potatoes with garlic and rosemary (only one of those small bags aldi do for 69p and I cut them in half) try going to the supermarkets near 6pm for reduced cuts of meat that could be cooked on the bbq. I do cheap tomato sauce empty in a bowl no one knows the difference and roast my sliced onions in the oven with a little brown sugar. you dont want to be slaving over them in the kitchen while everyone else is outside.

and most people will ask if they can bring something either to eat or drink to help out.

the_cat

glittermonster wrote: »

Oh and I had a row about money last week, I think I'm jealous of how he thinks, how carefree he is. He now gives me all his money and I give it back to him for his set expenses and to a budget.... He's rubbish with money.

;,((

He is carefree because he doesn't have to take responsibility for money. You do it all for him and take all the pressure for him. I'm not surprised you get a bit down and resentful about it at times! He is not a little boy and it sounds as if you need him to be a bit more proactive. Talk to him, without a row or being confrontational and try to get him at least to help you plan for the maternity pay with a plan of action which will help you feel a bit less alone in your worries

Deffo agree a SOA on here will probably unearth some potential for savings

YORKSHIRELASS

I know where you are coming from. We are going away next week to visit family then having a few days camping as a cheap break. I will be thinking about what we are spending the whole time.

My hubby is really good with money - he spends very little on himself. It would just be so lovely to go out for a meal while we are away or take the kids to an attraction. If we do go out anywhere I will be fretting the whole time about what we are spending. Hubby will be thinking, oh well its only £30/£40 it cant make that much of a difference.

I felt terrible when we had a day out at Easter. We planned to get fish and chips on the way home and the chip shop was closed. The kids were starving and we were miles away from home so the only option was to go into a pub to have a meal. The poor kids were huddled together reading the menu trying to find something that was cheap!!! I didnt realise how much I pass on my money worries to them.

We are going to be a long time before we get out of debt so its hard sometimes but I know that I have to be really strict with myself or I will slip back into my old ways.

GeorgieFTB

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

I know where you are coming from. We are going away next week to visit family then having a few days camping as a cheap break. I will be thinking about what we are spending the whole time.

My hubby is really good with money - he spends very little on himself. It would just be so lovely to go out for a meal while we are away or take the kids to an attraction. If we do go out anywhere I will be fretting the whole time about what we are spending. Hubby will be thinking, oh well its only £30/£40 it cant make that much of a difference.

I felt terrible when we had a day out at Easter. We planned to get fish and chips on the way home and the chip shop was closed. The kids were starving and we were miles away from home so the only option was to go into a pub to have a meal. The poor kids were huddled together reading the menu trying to find something that was cheap!!! I didnt realise how much I pass on my money worries to them.

We are going to be a long time before we get out of debt so its hard sometimes but I know that I have to be really strict with myself or I will slip back into my old ways.

YL

You made me smile, my parents were like that every so often, they periodically tried to clear some debt but always gave up in the end...:o (which I hope you don't!!)

I my humble opinion, what you need to get through to the kids is that there are budgets, as you ended up at the pub the entertainment budget has taken a bit of a hit and there won't be an ice-cream the next time you go to the park, for example. I know it doesn't quite balance but it depends on the age of your kids.

My parents are still shocking with money, I'm a skinflint, my sister is a spend thrift, we grew up in the same environment... can't explain it, but what I am trying to do with my kids is teach them how to manage money... doesn't always work!

Gx

glittermonster

Thanks everyone. I may do an SOA at the weekend. I do need to get him involved more but he shows little interest.