Supporting a job-hunting graduate

melancholly

well he doesn't need 'suits' - one will do him! he doesn't need that much money.... if he had a job and needed to pay for accommodation, he wouldn't have anything near that amount of money left at the end of the month. even if you could easily afford the money, it seems incredibly generous to me to get that amount from each parent.

it does sound like your son is pretty motivated, having already had a job whilst studying. the issue is his dad. i don't think it's up to them to dictate this situation to you. they need to take on board your position and they also need a bit of a reality check on what is a reasonable disposable income for a 21 year old!

good luck - i don't see an easy solution without some kind of conflict, hopefully nothing more than some awkward conversations. i hope that you can minimise that, but i do think you should stand your ground.

Alikay

Sounds to me like he's being mollycoddled: He's already been provided with a higher education, free bed and board and a car! I'd say continuing with feeding and housing him, provision of internet and possibly a cheapish mobile contract is more than enough. Any more is unfair on everybody including him - what incentive is there to take a low paid job if he already nets a similar amount via freebies from the family?!

If you want to help, I'd say a suit/shirt/shoes combo such as the deals they do at Burton, plus a young person's railcard would suffice.

onlyroz

How long does he expect it to take to find a job? I thought it was the "norm" to get a job lined up *before* you graduated - but this boy seems to be anticipating months of job-seeking. Is it an ultra-specialised area? If a long job-hunt is anticipated then I think it's essential that he gets a menial job (e.g. more burger flipping) to pay the bills. Such jobs are plentiful in London.

donquine

Is the boy definitely entitled to JSA?

I don't know the ins and outs, but would imagine if he's staying with his father and his stepmum who both earn good salaries, they might be expected to support him? In which case, he would be making a claim for contributions based JSA and as a student, he may not have earned enough in his part time job over the past two years to qualify?

Perhaps someone with some more knowledge could clarify. If the boy isn't entitled to any benefits, obviously he will need more support from his family until he can sort himself out.

Blue_Monkey

Also, what has he been doing with his wages to date? OP mentioned that that covered incidentals, would be interesting to see what falls under this?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I'm on the "he's an adult - he should support himself" side.

My dad was a miner, my mum worked in a factory. I didnt get the chance to go to university (i would of loved to) but because of money etc I couldnt. I got my first job at 16 in the same company as my mum whilst studying for my GCSE's. I worked 3 jobs whilst i went to college (in a shop 2 days a week when i wasnt at colleage, Factory at weekend and in a night club thurs, fri and sat nights) i dont know HOW i did it, but i did.

To be 21, and have your family PAY for you is ridiculous, When is he going to stand on his own two feet?

My OH was recently unemployed. I quite harshly made his life hell when he was at home, gave him a list of chores to complete etc, he hated it. So much so he was more intent on getting a job quicker lol He started back at work at the beginning of this month!

If the lad is living with his dad, why SHOULD you pay anything towards his keep? did his dad give YOU money when the lad was living with you?! It was the dads choice to give the lad petrol money - not yours!

RAS

He is entitled to claim JSA on his own account and can claim his interview expenses from them as well.

I am very confused about the previous funding? Did he not get any sort of student loan to cover his maintenance costs? And what did he pay from that towards household costs?

He is an incredibly lucky young man to have two sets of parents able to support him over the years and now he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet. You might want to put a small amount away so that if he moves into London you can help with the deposit and first month's rent on a flat?

CL

When I went to university I used my student loan to cover my fees and rent. At the weekend I worked 8am - 5.30pm Saturday and Sunday in a factory for cash for food, clothes and everything else. When I graduated I changed my hours in the factory to full time while I looked for a better job, got a mortgage and got a better job within 4 months of graduating. This was 9 years ago.

Your adult step-son needs to stand on his own two feet. You have your own bills to pay.

Caroline_a

Good lord, how long do they want you to continue to support this adult? It seems that some people think that their children are incapable of standing on their own two feet! Will they be going to interviews with him to, to make sure that the job is good enough for the little darling?


He's old enough to fend for himself now - if his father and step mother are daft enough to give him money, then let them, but if I were you I'd tell them to give him enough respect to allow him to fend for himself.

it's just dawned on me that you will actually be paying towards their expenses. He lived with you before, now it's their turn. Tell them to take a running jump...

pinkclouds

Caroline_a wrote: »

it's just dawned on me that you will actually be paying towards their expenses. He lived with you before, now it's their turn. Tell them to take a running jump...

The money is directly for the child, not for the father's household expenses. The OP says the boy will be supported by the father while living at the father's family home.

Jongleur wrote: »

Now that he is moving south, his father and step-mum (who are both high-earning executives) are suggesting that we pay £50/wk towards the expenses he will incur while job-hunting (train fares to London for interviews, contract phone costs, fuel costs) to match their contribution for same.

I see nothing unreasonable about the suggestion. I'd guess that they don't want you to feel like they are "one upping" you and wish to give you the opportunity to provide exactly the same allowance as them. However, I also see nothing unreasonable in declining their suggestion. Just tell them thanks for letting you know their plans and that you'll be making your own separate plans - which may or may not include giving an allowance of any amount. Issue resolved.

If it changes anything, I still had an allowance when I graduated. Hubby did not. Different parents make different decisions, to suit their personal circumstances and beliefs.