Supporting a job-hunting graduate

Jongleur

My step-son will graduate this summer and is moving to his father's near London to start job hunting. We have supported him through his school and uni (he lived with us); he has had a part time job flipping burgers which has paid for most of his incidental expenses and his father has paid for fuel for his car etc.

Now that he is moving south, his father and step-mum (who are both high-earning executives) are suggesting that we pay £50/wk towards the expenses he will incur while job-hunting (train fares to London for interviews, contract phone costs, fuel costs) to match their contribution for same.

They are proposing to kit him out with suits etc. but are not asking for any contribution to this, and will obviously support him while he lives with them. They are also taking time to train him in job hunting and interview techniques.

So, we're looking at £200-£250 per month :eek:, which is a big hit for us (I'm not sure if his moving out will significantly change our operating expenses).

So what I'm asking is:

Is this an unreasonable amount, given that they are on much better salaries than us but that we won't have the day-to-day costs of extra shopping etc?

We're not sure if JSA (approx £50/wk) is being taken into account on their side (my wife fears that we're being taken for a ride) - I have asked them for clarification on this twice, but haven't got a reply yet.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Loanranger

I think this depends on your family's income. I don't think anyone can suggest what's reasonable for your contribution without knowing your circumstances.

floss2

So let me clarify - while the young man was at uni, he lived with you & his mum, you fed him & provided the roof over his head, he had a p/t job for his pocket money and his dad put fuel into his car? This is quite close to home for me, as me & my DH have my DS2 living with us while he does his MA, at a cost of extra bills & food + £150 p/m cash, while his dad doesn't contribute directly to my knowledge.

I think to decide if it is reasonable you may want to be clearer as to how much YOU have contributed to his degree and how much his father has done by considering the following:

1. How much fuel does the lad get through - are we talking £50 a month for a Corsa-type or £150 a month for something a bit more exciting?

2. How much would rent have cost him in your town if he had been living in a student house?

3. Do his parents communicate well? If so, then maybe there is some bargaining to be done - they may not know that this will be a struggle for you but don't forget that your bills WILL go down when he's moved to his dad's home. If they don't communicate, then maybe you need to say "OK, we can afford £x for x months, but after that he is on his own".

4. Will he actually receive JSA when he graduates?

5. Can he transfer his burger-flipping job to a branch near to his dad's?

BTW, are there any other children who may expect the same / comparative support?

ailuro2

I'd suggest he asks for a transfer from his current burger flipping job to help covers his expenses whlie he's down there, and let them know that you can't afford £50 a week, but let them know what you can afford.

Or maybe they could lend him the money and he can pay them back when he's got a better job?

Errata

What does the son think about this proposed arrangement? Is he jumping for joy, or highly embarrassed?

Wilma33

He doesn't need £250 a month pocket money from you (plus JSA and £250 from his dad) whilst unemployed and living with his dad! I don't think he needs any pocket money from anyone. His dad is covering the essentials and he has JSA to cover interview related costs. What incentive would he have to get a job if he has over £700 disposibal income every month?

How much did his father contribute whilst the son lived with you?

You could always offer to pay for something specific if you want to help him out e.g. you will pay the train fare to any job interviews in London. Although don't the job center refund the cost of traveling to interviews?

Blue_Monkey

Sooooo - SS has a job (and JSA?) and they want to give him money?????

This seems odd to me... As soon as I graduated, I was expected to contribute some of my income to my mum as house-keeping on the basis that rent/board with her was much better cheaper and value for money than renting my own place.

I also think if they've decided they want to support him, then its for them to determine how they do that, not dictate to you. After all, he's presumably an adult now, so he needs to be treated like one. Sure both sets of parents can help him out (ie new suit) or something, but geez, what incentive has he got to find a proper job with all that free cash coming in!

pinkshoes

I don't think you should contribute anything. I'm presuming your step-son is now 21?!? Old enough to live off his JSA.

Why on earth does he need a car in London? He should think about selling that to pay for transport costs. Also, I thought those on JSA get half price tube travel in London?! (or did they stop that?)

By all means pay for a train fare home every now and then, but he's an ADULT, and does NOT need £50 a week!

Just put the above politely in an email and be honest and tell them you can't afford to pay £50!

ShAnE

How about the mother or father telling the step son to grow a pair and stop sponging off his parents? I come from a background of shop floor and factory workers, went to an average/poor university, didn't even have a suit (just a shirt, tie and trousers for my first job) and still managed to find a job, which I started 5 days after my final uni exam 200 miles away from my family. Sure it put me in a bit of debt and was stressful, but I believe thats part of being an adult.

the_cat

You did your bit by allowing him to live with you whilst he was studying for 3 or so years! Presumably rent free (or very cheap) and providing food, warmth etc etc into the bargain!How does that equate with a few weeks help during job hunting for an extremely well off couple?

If they truly feel that he should not be paying for this himself (imo he should) and they want it covered, then let them cover it!
For the record JSA is specifically meant to be used for the expenses incurred in looking for a job

lostinrates

I think its commendable a family support their own while job hunting if they can.

BUT I don't think its realistic to give him more than he would have as disposable income while housing, feeding himself on a first salary (that might depend what he's going to ''do'' for a living). If his phone is paid (for potential to contact him), and internet/email is freely available, for job applications then he's got a fair start.

some have missed its ''near'' London not in london, so potentially could still be a rural area with poor public transport BUT he will have to onsider if he wants to work in London, where he wants to live eventually an if the car is a requirement for that.

He sounds reasonably proactive, having had a job before now, so he might get a short term equivalent job but needs to be flexible to attend interviews sometimes with less than 24 hours notice.

Did his father contribute while he was staying with you since he was 18?