Concern for friend

There_Goes_Trouble

missindecisive wrote: »

sorry to sound harsh, but she clearly did'nt feel the same about the friendship as you do. I would leave her alone, certainly don't just pop round to see her unannounced.:eek:

I don't agree, (isn't that what forums are for??)

I have a friend who I thought had let our friendship go and had moved on - our lives had become very different and she had moved 4 hours away, had a husband, great career and 2 children. I hadn't heard from her in over a year.

Anyway, I umm'd and ahhh'd about it for ages, and eventually I decided our friendship (30+ years) meant too much to me to let it go without one final shot so I emailed her. She was delighted to hear from me, was going through a horrible divorce and had wanted to contact me, but felt she had left it too long..... We are now back in regular contact and both make much more effort to keep in touch.

I would say contact your friend. If it were me I would send a chatty email/letter with a brief update on yourself and asking after her and her family. I would say that you have been wondering how she is recently and would love to meet up for a drink and a gossip sometime.

If you don't think a letter would get to her, then I would risk calling round. Avoid times like school drop off/pick up, but find a reason to be in the area and just give it a go.

If her depression is bad and she thinks she's a bad friend she probably won't contact you, but she might appreciate the effort if you contact her.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Ms_Chocaholic

Hi
Thanks for your reply. Whenever she sent a card thanking me for a birthday gift for her or one of her children, she always used to put that she was a "bad friend" for not getting in touch as often as she should etc, I only learned the other day that she also used to refer to herself as a bad friend in letters to our other friend.

She didn't have lots of friends, in fact me and our other friend were her only confidantes I believe so it is very strange that we have lost touch.

Just to add ... some of the things she did tell us both were highly personal and another thought that has been going through my mind is whether she wishes to not continue with our friendship as she is reminded of those bad times in her life (ie the problems she confided in us about).

I_know_my_ABC_and_my_CMYK

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

I have lost touch with a female friend and would be grateful for some advice on what you would do in these circumstances.

We met at work and have known each other now for over 8 years. A few years later she changed roles within the company and a few years after that left work due to problems with management, as a result of which she suffered from a period of depression. As a result of this she was not in touch for some time with either me or another good friend but once she became well she gained employment with a different organisation and we were back in touch for a short period. Unfortunately that employment also came to an end and once again we ceased contact.

Initially both me and my other friend did attempt to contact her via her landline telephone without success. I have maintained contact in terms of sending cards for birthdays and Christmas (her and the children) but none have been returned.

I am really concerned for her mental health and would like some reassurance that she is well. She is a good friend and I would be upset at losing that friendship but in letters and cards she sent before her first period of ill health she always referred to herself as a "bad friend".

It is now some 18 months since I last saw her ... I have tried to get in touch in that time but I feel as if I have left it too late now to just knock on her front door and say "hi".

What would you do?

Thanks
Ms Choc x

Back in 1997 I went back to college to retrain. One of the class members and I practically scratched each others eyes out, we just clashed and couldn't get on at all.

2 years later she turned up on my doorstep and said this has gone on long enough, gives us a hug. She caught me totally off gurad, I was totally speechless.

Roll on to now and she is my very best friend, in fact she is the only person as a friend I trust and the same the other way round.

Knock on the door you have nothing to lose, but allot ot gain

iluvfreebies

I would just pop by - you dont really need a reason to call with a friend - you could say she has been in your thoughts so you just called over

CH27

Write her a letter saying that you hope she is ok & that you miss her.
Ask her to let you know she is ok.

Rachel021967

Speaking from somebody with chronic depression keeping relationships going is very hard work and I feel unworthy of any friendly companionship. Keeping a conversation is hard work. Please see your friend. It will mean the world to her.

lizzie157

I agree with Rachel - I suffer from depression and often just don't feel like being in people's company especially those who seem to have happy lives. It can serve to make you feel worse - this often results in me backing away and if they don't make any effort to stay in touch it makes me feel as if they weren't that bothered in the first place or they'd have tried abit harder and realised that that little effort of keeping in touch can mean so much. You are still in touch in a way as you have sent cards etc so i'd email or write and if that doesn't work pop by. I have been on the other side also a friend of my was very depressed and eventually committed suicide leaving young children and I realise that some times you do need abreak from these situations for the sake of your own sanity. I think its best just to be honest about things, explain you understand she may not want to see you but that you are concerned and that you are ther for her if she wants you.

BlondeHeadOn

I had a friend who I lost contact with for a year, and I heard (through mutual aquaintances) that she had been going through a very bad time. I knew her address, but didn't want to just turn up in case it was awkward, and also I knew she liked her privacy.

So I decided to send her a nice card saying I was concerned and missing her company, with a home-made 'RSVP' form and an SAE in it. The form had a couple of multiple choice questions in it, it was something like this:

1. Are you feeling in need of some friendly contact at the moment?
(select your answer from the list below)

A - Yes
B - No
C - Not at the moment, but I might contact you at a later date
D - Not at the moment, because I am about to run off to the Caribbean with George Clooney and you'd just be insanely jealous

2. If yes, Would you like to:
(select your answer from the list below)

A - Meet up in person at my home/your home ?
B - Meet in a pub/cafe?
C - Chat on the phone? (insert phone number here)
D - Chat by email? (insert email here)
E - Get blind drunk together somewhere unsavoury, and make complete fools of ourselves (but have great fun doing so)
Or
F - Other (please specify)

I sent her this, and received her filled-in 'RSVP' back by return of post - she said it had made her laugh out loud on a very bad day, and she suggested we met up at a pub the following week. We've been close friends ever since.

Might be worth a try?

Good luck, with whatever you decide to do.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Please get in touch with your friend. My friend pushed EVERYONE away and i did the same as you, kept in touch with sending cards etc but never heard anything back. I always stuck my address on the back. Then at christmas, I sent a card and put my mobile number in it, asking her to get in touch. In january a carer got in touch with me, she was emptying my friends house. My friend had been diagnoised with Huntington's and was put into a hospital in the November before xmas. I've been to see her a few times now (she's been took 2 hours away from our area) so visiting regulary is difficult but its nice to be able to nip down for a bit

spugzbunny

I would definitely get in touch. Personally, probably by letter. I like the idea of an SAE. Keep it light hearted!