Concern for friend

Ms_Chocaholic

I have lost touch with a female friend and would be grateful for some advice on what you would do in these circumstances.

We met at work and have known each other now for over 8 years. A few years later she changed roles within the company and a few years after that left work due to problems with management, as a result of which she suffered from a period of depression. As a result of this she was not in touch for some time with either me or another good friend but once she became well she gained employment with a different organisation and we were back in touch for a short period. Unfortunately that employment also came to an end and once again we ceased contact.

Initially both me and my other friend did attempt to contact her via her landline telephone without success. I have maintained contact in terms of sending cards for birthdays and Christmas (her and the children) but none have been returned.

I am really concerned for her mental health and would like some reassurance that she is well. She is a good friend and I would be upset at losing that friendship but in letters and cards she sent before her first period of ill health she always referred to herself as a "bad friend".

It is now some 18 months since I last saw her ... I have tried to get in touch in that time but I feel as if I have left it too late now to just knock on her front door and say "hi".

What would you do?

Thanks
Ms Choc x

Lucy1973

Is it possible she may have moved away,hence her not returning cards? Have you tried friends reunited or Facebook?

Ms_Chocaholic

I don't think she has a FB page, I will try Friends Reunited tho

When I did send the last card I put my return address on the back in the hope that it would've been returned to me if she had moved, it's not been returned

ETA: I have just checked Friends Reunited and she does have a profile page set up, the thing is tho there's not much on it and it could have been set up up for several years ago (as there's no recent info on there)

whitewing

Do just knock on the door and say 'hello'.

Maybe offer to take her out for a coffee, so if the house is a mess she doesn't feel awkward about having you there.

WestonDave

You could try checking the electoral roll - as a private individual you should be allowed to view the full list (not the edited one that is available to marketing companies etc) which is often held in local libraries or council offices. This would tell you whether she was still at the address around October last year.

Otherwise think up a reason why you would be in her area (a particular shop etc) and then knock on the door saying I went to X and suddenly realised you lived nearby and hadn't seen you for ages. That way it doesn't feel to either of you like its a big "I've come to check you are OK" moment.

Ms_Chocaholic

Thanks for your replies. I was thinking of going to knock on the door and i'd love too but there'd be no reason for me to pass (she lives in a tiny village with nothing else but a pub and a tiny shop) - what would I say after all this time?

BTW the house won't be untidy - she's got a bit of OCD, everything's spotless x

Ms_Chocaholic

I had thought of checking the electoral roll - I have checked at https://www.192.com and it only has her as living there last year so I intended popping to my local council offices one day this week to view the full version - I didn't knwo whether she might have separated from her partner but was too embarrassed for anyone to know

missindecisive

sorry to sound harsh, but she clearly did'nt feel the same about the friendship as you do. I would leave her alone, certainly don't just pop round to see her unannounced.:eek:

Ms_Chocaholic

missindecisive wrote: »

sorry to sound harsh, but she clearly did'nt feel the same about the friendship as you do. I would leave her alone, certainly don't just pop round to see her unannounced.:eek:

What I was trying to get across in my first post tho was it's not just me, it's everyone, our other mutual friend, all the girls at work who she was friendly with (more than workmates). If it was just me I would've understood, maybe I'd done something to upset her and leave it be but I'm concerned because it's everyone.

Also everyone is concerned about her, I regularly see people who often ask "have you seen ?????" cos they are concerned about her too.

shaymenRup

missindecisive wrote: »

sorry to sound harsh, but she clearly did'nt feel the same about the friendship as you do. I would leave her alone, certainly don't just pop round to see her unannounced.:eek:

Don't agree with this. Sometimes people need to know people care and if they have depression it might be the silver lining to a cloud.

Before setting off pen a simple letter stating what you have said in your post and that you are genuinely concerned having not heard from her in some time. Include the details of whomever else wishes contact too.

If when you visit there is no reply, you can leave the note and/or if the timing isn't good likewise.

The worst that could happen is that you find that she is okay, but has moved on with her life.

catfish50

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Thanks for your replies. I was thinking of going to knock on the door and i'd love too but there'd be no reason for me to pass (she lives in a tiny village with nothing else but a pub and a tiny shop) - what would I say after all this time?

BTW the house won't be untidy - she's got a bit of OCD, everything's spotless x

Say it seems ages since you met and you've come round to catch up and gossip. Maybe invite her to come out for coffee if there's a nearby cafe.