opinions pls.. step children and relationship breakdowns

fannyanna

This is very sad and legally I don't know whether your brother has any contact rights.

There are plenty of biological Dad's out there who have great difficulty getting to see their own children so I can't imagine it would be any easier for a step-dad.

As well as being horrible for your brother it's terribly sad for the little boy - seeing his siblings going off to see "Daddy" but having to stay behind. Poor little thing.

gizmo111

Madness - get to a solicitor asap and then into court - your brother has PR for all three children and that gives him rights as a parent, she could of course apply to the court for this to be removed on eldest but highly unlikely she would be granted it.
There is no court that would deem what she is doing is in the best interest of the cxhildren, she is hurting the eldest and putting the little two in a horrible situation, causing unmeasuarable emotional harm and damaging the sibling relationships.
Carry on seeing those you can and make a diary for any comments etc and any gifts you have sent the children.
Hope you get to see him very soon.
Also www.ondivorce.co.uk is a wealth of information and advice on this sort of thing.

Mrs_P_Pincher

Isn't DS1 in legal terms, a 'child of the family'? OK your brother isn't his father, but he's obviously his Dad, and there's a difference. He should talk to his solicitor. There will be a way round this.

Mrs P P

clearingout

try https://www.wikivorce.com as there may be some knowledge there. Equally, Families Need Fathers may have some experience for you.

I'm not an expert but have been dragged through the court process by my ex for residence of the children so have done a lot of reading. The two things that stands out to me is the Parental Responsibility Order and the fact he's paying maintenance. PR is what parents have. If he's legally considered the same as a parent (whilst not exactly a parent) then I would assume contact through the courts is more than a possibility. If the ex is happy to accept maintenance for the child then frankly, she should be happy for him to have the same relationship as the other children.

Has he made it clear to the ex that he intends long term to have a relationship with the child and that he will always treat him the same as the other two? Has he been that explicit in what he's said to her? It could be a crossed wire, that the ex is scared he'll treat the child differently now so she's doing it for him?

Finally, I would consider a word at school. It may well be that the child is talking there and it might be prudent to let them know that dad isn't the one who has instigated this. The school may also deliver a 'your dad loves you, we spoke to him this morning, he's doing everything he can to work this out as soon as he can' message for him. They may not want to get involved but he can at least try.

nuttywoman

My nephew also has a stepson and when he and his ex split up he continued to see him. In fact when the ex partner was bad on drugs he got custody of the lad as well as his own daughter from the relationship. They both went back to mum but now his stepson who is 16 lives with my nephew permantantly and has done for the last 2 - 3 years.

brians_daughter

clearingout wrote: »

try www.wikivorce.com as there may be some knowledge there. Equally, Families Need Fathers may have some experience for you.



Has he made it clear to the ex that he intends long term to have a relationship with the child and that he will always treat him the same as the other two? Has he been that explicit in what he's said to her? It could be a crossed wire, that the ex is scared he'll treat the child differently now so she's doing it for him?

Most definately. We are both "lucky" enough to have both been left a sum of money by our grandfather who passed away in March.

Again, i know money doesnt equate to love but he placed £9000, which was £3000 each into an account for each of the 3 boys and boked a holiday for later on in the year for all 4 of them - he even asked the ex to go along just incase the children missed her. So his intentions to treat them equally have ben set out. When he was allowed to see ds1 he would (as far as i saw) treated them very much as equals the same way he has for 8 years. Obviously i am not there all the time but i would struggle to think his behaviour would differ when not in my presence... im not saying hes perfect but he is a very good father

Whilst speaking to her about access to the eldest he vowed (very calmly he says) to spend every penny of our (yes mine too lol) inheritance to take her through every court in the land to get access to all his children. I would gladly sell every material possession we have to help him. I have tried to remain nuteral in all this and continue my relationship with ex sil as i believe children prosper when a family is still a family regardless of if the parents are living together, but i am really struggling at the moment to do this.

She knows he would never treat him any differently as we lost our father young and he knows how important that relationship is. I can honestly say he is the best father i have ever known and i am sure my husband will forgive me when i say that!

Thanks all. I really didnt know if she was being reasonable, i mean, i know she wasnt but when you are so heavily involved its easy to put the blinkers on and think you are right regardless.

nearlyrich

What a truly awful situation for your brother and for the rest of you, I hope she quickly realises that the person she is hurting the most is that little boy.

BitterAndTwisted

What sane mother would choose to hurt her child in such a vile and cruel way? She's either mentally ill or evil. There can be no other explanation.

In your brother's situation I would do everything I could, via the other two children if necessary, or in any other way I could think of, to let that young boy know that he is loved, missed and wanted very, very much. And the reason why no contact is allowed at present. She shouldn't be allowed to get away with this, if only for the poor child's mental well-being.

CRH71

What a dreadful situation, for him and the children.
Having been in much the same situation myself a decade ago, I really feel for him.
Not much more I can add to this thread, really, apart from echoing others' advice - please take this evil !!!!! to court and get proper access for all three children - the damage that will be done to the step child's fragile mental state will be deep and long-lasting if action isn't taken to nip this situation in the bud now.

KittyLady

From personal experience, he would very likely get visitation with the kids. Sons dads ex wife had visitation of our son after their relationship ended after three years. We did gradually cut it down over a year until it eventually stopped.
Husband now has been dad to my daughter for five years, I couldn't imagine him being cut from her life, he's her daddy whatever happens between us.