What to tell the kids

FBaby

DaisyChainMaker wrote: »

Direct your ex to this site ... she may need to learn some budgeting skills.

This made me smile, how can you assess that she might need help with budget skills when we have no idea what her income is or what the op pays for maintenance? If the csa payments for three children (we know it is at least 3) are say £50 a month, then even with all the skills in the world, she might indeed be struggling to support the children.

jetta_wales

FBaby wrote: »

This made me smile, how can you assess that she might need help with budget skills when we have no idea what her income is or what the op pays for maintenance? If the csa payments for three children (we know it is at least 3) are say £50 a month, then even with all the skills in the world, she might indeed be struggling to support the children.

CSA is for everything above bare essentials which are covered even if you're just on income support with no CS from any ex. If you can not even manage tidy clothes for your children even with the extra money of CS then you are not managing your money well enough or have not in the past and thus have debts but still CS is not for paying an ex's debts either it's for giving the children an above basic quality of life.

fannyanna

FBaby wrote: »

This made me smile, how can you assess that she might need help with budget skills when we have no idea what her income is or what the op pays for maintenance? If the csa payments for three children (we know it is at least 3) are say £50 a month, then even with all the skills in the world, she might indeed be struggling to support the children.

The OP states that the Mum has all the best clothes (or something to that effect). Now of course this is just one side of the story but based on what we have been told it would seem that Mum can find the money to dress herself well but not the children.

chall1964

This is a difficult situation that many, including my OH (got regular demands for clothing, shoes and anything else you can think of - all named brands. If he refused to buy, he obviously didnt love them. It got well out of hand) have been in ~ there is no easy answer.

There's been some good comments made on here but, can you afford to keep buying all the extras?

Ultimately, you can only do what you feel is right.

Best wishes.

DUTR

Not really sure what the OP is running scared from, you contribute, so just show the kids the statements, no need for you to defend anybody else!

HRV

Dont feel guilty you're paying your share. Sounds like your kids aren't tiny so I would suggest telling them- in an appropriate way that you pay mum money so she can get x things. We have done this a number of times, not makinga big deal but when we get comments from them "oh we cant do this/have this because mum hasnt got enough money" they do get reminded that daddy gives mum money each month to pay for them.

I guess its harder as they get older- when they start to want branded clothes etc and perhaps mum cant afford that but basics such as shoes should be provided

As my step dds are quite small we have clothes (mostly sourced from charity shops/ebay) and shoes at our house ( as youngest kept being sent in shoes way too small and completely ridiculous clothes unsuitable for weather etc) but I guess once thy're older its harder to do that.

Triker

Actually I find it utterly disgusting that some parents use their children to try to blackmail more money from the other contributing parent.

Your original question.....the answer should be tell your children that money (finances) are a subject that is only to be discussed between the grown-ups/parents as its not a matter for children to be worried about. Leave it at that.

real1314

FBaby wrote: »

This made me smile, how can you assess that she might need help with budget skills when we have no idea what her income is or what the op pays for maintenance? If the csa payments for three children (we know it is at least 3) are say £50 a month, then even with all the skills in the world, she might indeed be struggling to support the children.

If 25% of the OPs income is £50 a month then the OP has £150 a month to live on.

The PWC on benefits would have at least £250 of weekly benefits, plus would have rent and council tax paid.

I don't think asking someone with £34.61 a week to live off to pay extra to someone with £275 a week for themselves and 3 kids is really sensible. You might disagree ? :cool:

Kimitatsu

rb211 wrote: »

I need some advice on what to do with the following situation.

Currently pay ex through CSA, 25% of net wages.

The kids are constantly asking for me to provide clothes, trips etc.. additional to CSA payment. And they do need these items as the absolute bare minimum is often not provided. I'm often called with a child in tears, example; not having a pair of shoes for school. With trips they are told unless dad pays half they can't go, so I am the baddie when i say no. I sometimes relent , but sometimes stick to my guns and say no.

PWC is well dressed and has a good social life.

What is the correct thing to do here, that will benefit my kids?

many thanks

Rob

For me this is the thing that jumps out at me. I would be asking WHY these things are not being provided and getting other agencies involved, rather than discussing these issues with the children.

You are paying legally what has been laid down in law for the upkeep of the children and there are checks in place which should ensure that the children have enough income into the household for shoes, clothes etc through the benefits system. If the basics of shoes or clothes are not being provided - are you sure they are not being provided? I would contact the school and ask for their attendance records and the number of trips etc they have been on recently, schools are not allowed to discriminate children from going on a trip due to lack of funds.

If the school has concerns that the children are not having their basic needs met, then the PWC needs additional help from statutory agencies. It is not your place to discuss the finances with the children rather than their mother. If I were you I would find out the facts first rather than rushing in headlong as it may come back to bite you..........

If you can afford to pay for additional items now and then that is lovely but it is up to you to gift not to have it demanded of you, because you are already paying for your children via the CSA.

kelloggs36

these are usually spurious claims though - there is normally no evidence to suggest that the children are being neglected. Obviously in some cases there is, but in the main it is just a claim like the PWC spends all the money on booze and cigarettes.