Millionaire Challenge

Karmacat

LL, sorry to hear about your mum though I'm glad you knew in advance, and were able to focus on her. Thats very powerful to look back on. How's your dad taking it, is it okay to ask? My mum turned 89 at the beginning of this month, and she's alarmed at how tired she gets - she's still pretty healthy, but I'm making preparations to rent out my house when I retire, and be prepared to move up to hers, to look after her. Talked about it with her and my brother and sister, everyone supports it, and it suits everyone.

So much *stuff* thats accumulated that you have to now disperse! I hope you can find some pieces that mean a lot to you and your sister... I like the sound of your renting a cabinet and them having the sales staff there too, thats a really good compromise.

All the best.

lessonlearned

My dad is in a shocking state. I just dont t know what's going to happen. We had his gP to him last Friday and he's coming again tomorrow to give him a full medical and look at his drugs to see what we can do.

I havent I been to see dad today, I thought that perhaps if he had a quiet day it might help him. He could then cry, scream, rage - whatever he needed to do. I spoke to him first thing and he seemed calm. An hour later My sister called to say he sounded awful. I think he was having some kind of panic attack.

I tried to warn dad that grief is not just mental or emotional but that the shock and the trauma can have terrible effects on the body. This is what is happening now, the initial shock and numbness have worn off and it's hit him like a tsunami.

He too is 89. I know this sounds harsh but he will either ride it out or he won't. There's nothing we can do but watch and wait. I will be there tomorrow and I'll ask about sedatives and anti depressents etc problem is he is on such a cocktail of drugs as it is. It's probably hoo dangerous.

I'm not sure if he will even want to live without mum, they've been together for 70 years. I bet he feels like his heart is being ripped out.

He may come back from the brink and have a few more good years but I very much doubt it. I could be wrong but I think he will follow her quite quickly., I think he will just give up. Perhaps it would be for the best.

Sounds like a good plan, moving in with your mum. I tried to stay with dad for a few weeks last year when mum was in a nursing home but tbh he didn't really want me there. He is fiercely independent and preferred to be left to his own devices. I just have to respect that.

gallygirl

Sorry to hear your news LL. Hope your dad rallies so sad when they've been together that long. I remember my grandad saying after my gran died his first thought every day was disappointment that he was still alive

Broken_Biscuits

sorry to hear your news LL. Best wishes to you and your family x

Karmacat

lessonlearned wrote: »

My dad is in a shocking state. I just dont t know what's going to happen.

I havent I been to see dad today, I thought that perhaps if he had a quiet day it might help him. He could then cry, scream, rage - whatever he needed to do. I spoke to him first thing and he seemed calm. An hour later My sister called to say he sounded awful. I think he was having some kind of panic attack.

I'm sorry to hear this, LL, I can't imagine being the one left to cope wtih that level of distress in an elderly parent ... my mum got over my dad's death with a sort of blankness - I'm convinced it comes from being traumatised by the blitz during the war, so we didn't have this issue come up.

He too is 89. I know this sounds harsh but he will either ride it out or he won't. There's nothing we can do but watch and wait. I will be there tomorrow and I'll ask about sedatives and anti depressents etc problem is he is on such a cocktail of drugs as it is. It's probably hoo dangerous.

It doesn't sound harsh at all, it sounds realistic. The conversations that my mum starts up about her death are hair-raising to me, but there's a realism and a practicality in them too, that are necessary. And drug interaction - we're very lucky that her GP surgery will initiate a review to keep an eye on that every six months or so.

I'm not sure if he will even want to live without mum, they've been together for 70 years. I bet he feels like his heart is being ripped out.

He may come back from the brink and have a few more good years but I very much doubt it. I could be wrong but I think he will follow her quite quickly., I think he will just give up. Perhaps it would be for the best.

So sad, but it really may be for the best. It all sounds very tough on you and your sister though ...

Sounds like a good plan, moving in with your mum. I tried to stay with dad for a few weeks last year when mum was in a nursing home but tbh he didn't really want me there. He is fiercely independent and preferred to be left to his own devices. I just have to respect that.

Absolutely - my mum has a horror of even a residential home, even the really good one thats half a mile away. She spent 3 - 4 hours every day there when my dad was bad, and maybe this is the way the stress of it comes out, an absolute determination never to go into one of those places herself. She's already made a new layout of the house where I have the upstairs and she has the downstairs! Keeping as much independence as possible for both of us ...

I'll be thinking of you. Seems odd at first to have this conversation on the Millionaire Thread, but its extremely relevant - life isn't just "go out and get your money" its also about the relationships that we have and the *reasons* we want the money.

takingcontrolatlast

I just wanted to post to say i have read this thread from the beginning and read it weekly as it motivates me.

I felt that i just had to offer my condolences to you LessonLearned - you have had a lot on your plate and I admire your strength.

lessonlearned

Thanks for all your kind thoughts and good wishes.

Losing my mum so,soon after my husbands death (7 months) is a huge blow but in both their cases, their quality of life had become so poor that realistically it was a relief for both them and me. They had both had enough and we're ready to go.

Yesterday was St Patrick's day as you know and As I watched a Riverdance special on the TV I smiled to myself. They were both huge Riverdance fans and I could just picture them dancing a jig together in the afterlife.

Karmacat - I agree our quest is not simply about money for money's sake. At least that's not my reason. I agree it's a good idea to ask ourselves why we are pushing ourselves, what motivates us, what our goals are?

To me Money is just a tool, it's what it represents and what it can buy me that matters.

I too have also spent more hours in nursing homes keeping loved ones company than I ever wanted to or imagined I would have to do, more hours hanging around NHS hospitals accompanying my husband than I care to count.

Like your mum I shall do my level best to stay out of a nursing home if at all possible. They do their best and In Both my husbands and my mothers case, the care they received could not be faulted.

But, oh how much better it would have been to have kept them at home and have had enough money to provide carers etc. however this takes serious amounts of money. I looked at providing carers at home and I just couldn't afford it.

For me that £1m figure is just shorthand for saying I Want enough to be independent and comfortable, and I want to provide for my family.

For me it's about independence and long term security. It's The ability to walk away from a job or situation in which happiness is compromised. It's about being able to be independent and never again at the mercy of the State. It's about buying good medical care when I come to,need it.

Ok my boys are no longer technically my dependents, but it's also about giving them a leg up. I'm so pleased that I've been able to help them get on the property ladder, they would have got there eventually but I'm glad I could give them a good start.

When DS1 and his girl announced their forthcoming marriage it felt good that I can give them a financial gift. Their faces lit up when I told them:D

Giving gives me pleasure.....

I can live without flash cars, exotic holidays, and a high spending lifestyle. I don't crave a designer wardrobe. I've done all that when we had money to burn before OH became ill. It's out of my system now.:rotfl:

I still like good jewellery and collecting art. Ok we are not talking the hope diamond or old masters here but my modest collections are still assets which can be liquidated if ever I get desperate.

For me the one thing that money can buy that I really prize can be summed up in one simple little phrase. "Peace of mind"

lessonlearned

I think you might like this one......

One of my duties this last week has been tracking down some of mums long lost relatives. I had occasion to speak to the son of an old family friend of my mothers. This son was the boyhood friend of one of my cousins. We three were playmates together and I have kept in loose touch with this man over the years and am very fond of him although it has been several years since I have seen him.

When we were teenagers discussing our futures all he would say is "I'm going to be rich". Well he is.....;)

We chatted and I asked if he was retired yet. He answered that he was semi retired, that he was enjoying easing off a bit now. I asked what he enjoyed doing and he informed me that he had recently acquired a pilots licence and bought himself a plane.:rotfl:

He was quite modest about it and said "just a little plane you understand, just a 4 seater" ..... Bless his little cotton socks, my old playmate swanning around in his private plane.

DS2 has set his heart on a boat and that helps keep him motivated...

What motivates you lot, what would be your dream purchase.

ms_night_ryder

Ll I'm so sorry about your mum, it's been a tough time for you with your oh and now your mum, I hope your dad will be o.k, hope he can cope with his grief, at least he has his children.

When you mentioned your mum's age, it instantly made me think of my grandma, we celebrated her bday on st paddys day, she just turned 80, grief can do some funny things to people, when my grandma lost my mum, she went into a depression and had to be sent on holiday for a month to recouperate, my aunty sent her to Jamaica, because she didn't know what else to do, maybe later on, you could take your dad somewhere for a change of scenary, I'm not suggesting Jamaica or anything haha. but seriously, I hope it does all get better and I'm glad you now have a wedding to look forward to :-)

Broken_Biscuits

motivation? For me it was working a job i felt indifferent about and be able to pack it in. A lot of the jobs i thought i would get a something out of paid very little. i wasn't prepared to go in each day and at the end of each month just be treading water. So started saving 40 to 50% of my pay. The new job is a bit more enjoyable and ive found myself spending more. Still save a lot by most peoples standards, but i guess my saving is more linked to emotion than a physical thing. the freedom to make choices that otherwise would be influenced by the content of my wallet!

rates are shooting up at ratesetter now. Put another £600 in there yesterday and got rates above 6.6%. Next year thatl be tax free too thanks to the budget. £580 over to my s+s isa today too as part of the standing order i have set up... ticking along, although cash reserves are much lower than planned - need to get back on the more brutal end of the saving plan!