bullying

chaosweddings

ive just had the phone call, the head of year is setting up a meeting on friday for four kids and their parents separately ,
all to do with name calling and parents ringing in to complain which i replied should i be ringing you every time ds gets called a name at school because if so i will be on the phone to you everyday

he said every other day my sons name is being brought up, if so why am i only hearing about it now, if he is so bad and unruly why hasnt someone said anything before now,
ive got his school report in front of me as i type and all the teachers say what a lovely lad and hard working and enjoy having him in their class. this was only given out last week

as i said before i know parents stick up for their children and i know my son is no angel but this is getting beyond a joke now im pulling my hair out

balletshoes

Its good that the meeting has been arranged - now you need to do some homework before the meeting.
Have your own concerns and examples of behaviour/actions among every boy concerned that you have witnessed/see texts etc of written down, and also bring your son's report card with you, as proof of the change in his behaviour since the ganging up on him has started. It will make you feel more in control when you are at the meeting, and it will prompt you to raise the issues.

During the meeting make your own notes, don't get into "he said, no he said to me" discussions as that won't achieve anything. Just state your son's case calmly and with your evidence.

eta - and be prepared to really listen to what everyone else in the meeting is saying, good and bad.

meritaten

chaosweddings - if you dont get any satisfaction from the school, then go to the police. you have evidence and they will take you seriously (or should). These schoolchildren are well aware that their behaviour is threatening - they are doing it deliberately!
Your son is scared, and with good reason if he is being threatened with violence by a group of bigger older children. Its shameful the school havent already sorted this out. If you feel fobbed off or that the school arent taking it seriously - then the police will.
Good luck and my thoughts are with you and your son - I have been in your position and know what its like. PM me if you need to vent, or cry or just want to talk about it.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

chaosweddings wrote: »

To cut a long story short ... my ds fell out with a lad in his year over some petty name calling, this lad went mental over half term and threatened to do horrible things to himself...

I'm sorry to be less than supportive here - and I am not attacking you - but IF your son has driven another child to consider suicide, he is fortunate that the boy is not dead and the whole community is not looking at you as the mother of the boy who killed him.


It is perfectly feasible that a child/teenager is an absolute angel in class and a sadistic bully at breaktime. In such cases, I am afraid that the treatment he is receiving at the hands of the lad's family and friends is, whilst rough, only what he has earned.

Please, reign in your natural instinct to defend your son at all costs and find out the truth of what goes on in school first.


Dismissing a suicide threat (or attempt) as someone going mental due to some silly names is not going to help the matter one jot. You're worried your son is going to get beaten up - what would be your feelings if you were unsure from one day to the next whether he would be alive when you went in to wake him up in the morning or whether you would open the front door to find his body dangling from the staircase?

Most people knew of someone who committed suicide during their senior school years. Not many know they were at least in some part responsible for the death - you don't want your son to be one of those who do.


IF it does turn out that your son has been tormenting other children - or just this one/two that you mention - then I would suggest that one of your actions is to look the other lad's parents in the eyes and deeply, sincerely and honestly apologise for what your son has done.

meritaten

chaosweddings wrote: »

To cut a long story short my 12 year old son is being bullied by a group of year 10 kids age 14/15, my ds fell out with a lad in his year over some petty name calling, this lad went mental over half term and threatened to do horrible things to himself. one parent went and told his mum.

fast forward to last week and the lads older brother threatened ds outside our local shops, i reported it to ds head of year who rang me to say these lads dragged my ds from his classroom and threatened him again fast forward to this weekend and this lads threatened my ds through my brother so ds refused to go out all weekend. dh decided enough was enough and went to the lads house and his mum and neighbours blamed ds for ruining their sons life and now they have to move house and schools ect.....

any way since all this started the school seem to have swept it under the table but are ringing me daily regarding ds behaviour, im pulling my hair out as ds is normally a typical chatty 12 year old that hasnt been in trouble apart from the usual non stop talking, just need a bit of advice of what to do next before the head of year rings me back

thanks in adavance

and what did the school do about this?
it sounds as if the two lads had fallen out. but, this is totally out of order - how can children march into another class and drag a child out and threaten him? didnt the teacher or anyone intervene?
I dont know if the lads former friend was suicidal or what caused it - but, this behaviour in school cannot be tolerated. neither can threats made outside school be tolerated by the parents.
This has come out of the blue with no hint by the school or any one else there was a problem.
I think the OP needs to deal with the threats to her son first - and I think thats the police. then deal with the school. firstly, why, if her son was causing problems why wasnt she notified and why did he recieve good reports. and to tell the school she doesnt want to be phoned every day with minor incidents as they are only doing this to back up THIER version of events. I would also keep my son home from school - and phone the LEA and tell them WHY! if you feel the school is not keeping your son safe - then dont send him!

chaosweddings

well, its been a interesting day, after my last post i get a phone call from the school to say my son has nearly been strangled by one of the bullies,

i raced to the school to find the police there and a ambulance, my son has lovely red marks around his neck where one lad dragged him around the floor by his tie and my son turning blue and had a massive asthma attack.

we had a emergency meeting with the headmaster, police and a teacher who witnessed it, i also found out some interesting things.

the lad who said my son was bullying him has been bullying 3 kids since september to the point where one of them is not going to school and makes herself sick everyday, that the school were well aware of this and are dealing with it and that the police have also been involved for some time due to some of the things he has been doing to girls.
it was also found out that this lad has moved school 4 times and each time saying he has been bullied when it has been him getting into trouble and also the mum had told us she was moving the son from ds school when the school actually asked for the son to be removed from the school.

The school have appologised and are sorry for causing any concern.

so now just waiting on whats going to happen with the bully who happens to be the lads elder brother.

if my son had been bullying this lad i would of dragged him around to his house and made him apologise as i dont tolerate that sort of behaviour and would like to point out that no where in any of my posts did i say this lad tried to commit suicide !!

thankyou for your help and comments

jim22

I would say to any parent whoes offspring are suffering bullying problems is to take the bull by the horns. You do not want your son/daughter to be the next suicide. Half hearted response from the school, then go to the headteachers office and refuse to leave. If the police are called all the better. Contact your local MP or anyone with influence. Contact the local paper. Do whatever you have to do. Cause a stink. As has been seen many times before !!!!! footing around gets nowhere.

jim22

Just read the latest op post. It seems that this is another example of a boy with `behaviour issues' who should not be in mainstream education. And this is going on all over the place to the detriment of the majority. He needs specialized help in that kind of environment.

balletshoes

chaosweddings wrote: »

well, its been a interesting day, after my last post i get a phone call from the school to say my son has nearly been strangled by one of the bullies,

i raced to the school to find the police there and a ambulance, my son has lovely red marks around his neck where one lad dragged him around the floor by his tie and my son turning blue and had a massive asthma attack.

we had a emergency meeting with the headmaster, police and a teacher who witnessed it, i also found out some interesting things.

the lad who said my son was bullying him has been bullying 3 kids since september to the point where one of them is not going to school and makes herself sick everyday, that the school were well aware of this and are dealing with it and that the police have also been involved for some time due to some of the things he has been doing to girls.
it was also found out that this lad has moved school 4 times and each time saying he has been bullied when it has been him getting into trouble and also the mum had told us she was moving the son from ds school when the school actually asked for the son to be removed from the school.

The school have appologised and are sorry for causing any concern.

so now just waiting on whats going to happen with the bully who happens to be the lads elder brother.

if my son had been bullying this lad i would of dragged him around to his house and made him apologise as i dont tolerate that sort of behaviour and would like to point out that no where in any of my posts did i say this lad tried to commit suicide !!

thankyou for your help and comments

thats really shocking to me :eek::eek: - how come there was no adult around when your lad was being strangled????

hongkongfooey1970

Following on from your son being attacked, I would say you should definitely be considering pressing charges on his assailant!

My eldest was assaulted out of school by two girls who "had it in for her" and although she wasn't badly hurt and only sustained a couple of bruises and a sore wrist, we went all the way and pressed charges against them. They were both sent to youth court and dealt with accordingly. My daughter had no more problems from them after that - apart from the odd "death stare" (as these wonderful teenagers call them )