bullying

chaosweddings

To cut a long story short my 12 year old son is being bullied by a group of year 10 kids age 14/15, my ds fell out with a lad in his year over some petty name calling, this lad went mental over half term and threatened to do horrible things to himself. one parent went and told his mum.

fast forward to last week and the lads older brother threatened ds outside our local shops, i reported it to ds head of year who rang me to say these lads dragged my ds from his classroom and threatened him again fast forward to this weekend and this lads threatened my ds through my brother so ds refused to go out all weekend. dh decided enough was enough and went to the lads house and his mum and neighbours blamed ds for ruining their sons life and now they have to move house and schools ect.....

any way since all this started the school seem to have swept it under the table but are ringing me daily regarding ds behaviour, im pulling my hair out as ds is normally a typical chatty 12 year old that hasnt been in trouble apart from the usual non stop talking, just need a bit of advice of what to do next before the head of year rings me back

thanks in adavance

jackieglasgow

chaosweddings wrote: »

To cut a long story short my 12 year old son is being bullied by a group of year 10 kids age 14/15, my ds fell out with a lad in his year over some petty name calling, this lad went mental over half term and threatened to do horrible things to himself. one parent went and told his mum.

fast forward to last week and the lads older brother threatened ds outside our local shops, i reported it to ds head of year who rang me to say these lads dragged my ds from his classroom and threatened him again What did the school do about this?fast forward to this weekend and this lads threatened my ds through my brother so ds refused to go out all weekend. dh decided enough was enough and went to the lads house and his mum and neighbours blamed ds for ruining their sons life and now they have to move house and schools ect.....Was your son accused of bullying to other boy, or was it just a falling out, children don't just threaten to hurt themselves for no reason - not saying its your son's fault, the child could have other unaddressed issues

any way since all this started the school seem to have swept it under the table but are ringing me daily regarding ds behaviourin what way, is he being disruptive, offensive - what are they saying?, im pulling my hair out as ds is normally a typical chatty 12 year old that hasnt been in trouble apart from the usual non stop talking, just need a bit of advice of what to do next before the head of year rings me back

thanks in adavance

It sounds like you have two separate although related issues; your son's behaviour in school, and his being picked upon by other children. TBH the school doesn't sound great if they are allowing things to escalate to this stage.

Darlyd

OP

Do you think your son started it with this lads brother? Has his head of year arranged a meeting between your son and the lad his was supposed to of upset?

Have been through similar with my Daughter, Luckily got sorted. Just a shame my daughter can't keep her gob shut with other kids, And as soon as another kid has a go at my daughter her temper flares and chairs get thrown .

chaosweddings

the school said they would speak to the boys the following day but then the head of year went off sick, the boys were talked to but thats it

the boys mum told my husband that our son has been bullying him for 7 months, when asked why his name has not been brought up before now she couldnt answer,
they both fell out over easter, they hung round together then this lad started doing nasty things to some girls so no one wanted to go round with him, then he started to say odd things when they all walked off.

as soon as his mum questioned him about the nasty things he said he was being bullied

the school said he has issues at home , but now ds is acting up, name calling and showing off, maybe to try and act a bot hard so the older lads leave him alone, i dont know but the school seem to only listen to one side of the story

last year one girl called ds a B*****d as i wasnt married to his dad when he was born so ds called her a name back but he got pulled up on it as she went home crying to her mum who rang up the school.

hongkongfooey1970

Hiya,

What an awful situation you are in.

Both of my girls were bullied throughout primary and secondary school - to the point where I took one of them out of primary school a week before she finished year 5 and sent her to a new school.

A little extreme, I know, but we were truly at our wits end. When it came to the problems in secondary school, my Daughter was constantly told to stay away from the bullies, ingore them etc. (the standard response from schools it seems). In the end, I heard about the Parent Support Worker scheme in my area and got help that way.

My PSW visited the school with me and also liased with the Education Welfare Officer - this made the school sit up and take notice. We actually moved from that area 12 months ago anyway and my Daughter is thriving at her new school. Schools have a commitment to protecting our children and by not doing so, they are breaking an agreement (have you ever had a copy of a home/school agreement?)

You should ask the school for a copy of their bullying policy, check it thoroughly and pull them up on anything you believe they are not adhering to. It may also be a good idea to see if you have a Parent Support Worker linked to the school (although government cuts are phasing these out now :mad:) and I would also advise contacting your school's Education Welfare Officer with your concerns (they are usually pretty helpful).

As a last resort, - threaten police involvement. This often (but not always) has an affect on both the school and the bullies.

Above all else, don't lose heart - it's tough, but believe me, it does get easier

Good luck xx

chaosweddings

darlyd wrote: »

OP

Do you think your son started it with this lads brother? Has his head of year arranged a meeting between your son and the lad his was supposed to of upset?

Have been through similar with my Daughter, Luckily got sorted. Just a shame my daughter can't keep her gob shut with other kids, And as soon as another kid has a go at my daughter her temper flares and chairs get thrown .

No, the lad told his mum he was being bullied ect so his older brother and his mates got involved, the lad involved has since refused to go to school and is now moving schools and house, if it was that bad wouldnt i of heard something before this weekend if its been going on for 7 months and this lad came to my house on numerous occasions to call for ds

Darlyd

My Daughters school are an independent school, They pay for a school councillor to come in weekly. My daughter sees the school councillor and she is just brilliant, I have also met with her, and she has referred my Daughter to Cafs, just waiting to hear now. Some school's go through the school nurse for referrals like this.

Hope it works out for you.

Darlyd

chaosweddings wrote: »

No, the lad told his mum he was being bullied ect so his older brother and his mates got involved, the lad involved has since refused to go to school and is now moving schools and house, if it was that bad wouldnt i of heard something before this weekend if its been going on for 7 months and this lad came to my house on numerous occasions to call for ds

My Daughter causes trouble for other kids, They friends one minute then not the next, I had no idea my daughter had it in for a certain girl until facebook :mad: messages. I spoke to her mother about it and she felt she didn't want to bother me with it as she knows her daughter causes problems for others too and having parents at her house was the last thing she needed.

chaosweddings

thankyou for your wishes,

i know my son is not a angel but he is genuinely scared to go out after school or go to the canteen at lunch time.

im just more annoyed that last week the head of year was really concerned about the bullying but now it looks like that has been swept under the table and now its all about his behavior,
im sure if i had 5 14/15 years olds who were all on the rugby team and over 5 foot 10 following me and threatening me i would act out


i also find it weird that as soon as the lad is confronted by his mum about the things he had been doing he blamed other people and nothing was his fault, we even pointed out the messages ds was getting from his phone about putting him in hospital and she said he had not sent any texts we luckily i have saved
hopefully it will get sorted out when the head finally rings me back

Darlyd

I will be honest because my daughter caused the trouble and has a lot of kids now who don't like her, She is to scared to go to school. if anything she ends up coming back home again and I have to take her to school late. (They start at 8.10am). She stays in at breaks, And goes to lunch behind her head of year who has been great.
We also have her phone now, Cus just that one text message she will have that's not so nice she will respond very negatively, she will not get that back until at least the summer holidays, scares me because I can not ring her if she is not home from school on time. (My husband won't let her have it back).
It's a horrid situation to be in, really is. But we are lucky we have the school's support, Wish you did too. All I can advice really is to keep checking with them how he is getting on.

balletshoes

chaosweddings wrote: »

thankyou for your wishes,

i know my son is not a angel but he is genuinely scared to go out after school or go to the canteen at lunch time.

im just more annoyed that last week the head of year was really concerned about the bullying but now it looks like that has been swept under the table and now its all about his behavior,

im sure if i had 5 14/15 years olds who were all on the rugby team and over 5 foot 10 following me and threatening me i would act out


i also find it weird that as soon as the lad is confronted by his mum about the things he had been doing he blamed other people and nothing was his fault, we even pointed out the messages ds was getting from his phone about putting him in hospital and she said he had not sent any texts we luckily i have saved
hopefully it will get sorted out when the head finally rings me back

This must be really hard for your DS to cope with - but maybe now its time to start discussing with him that in life, even as adults we'll come across situations where we can't control what others say or do to us. All we can control is how we react to this - and the best reaction is none whatsoever.
I completely understand why he wouldn't want to be out on his own if there are a gang of older lads looking for him and taunting him - does he have to be on his own though, aren't there other friends of his who he usually hangs around with on breaks etc?

People, not just kids, can be mean. I'm guessing your DS wouldn't want to be seen as one of those mean kids, but if he's acting out as a reaction against the older gang, its not just them who's seeing his behaviour, its everyone else around him.

As the year head looks like they intended getting both boys and their parents together to discuss this, I wouldn't let that slide - I'd be hounding the deputy to get it done.