Becoming a SAHM-feeling guilty

2boysmum

My OH has recently got a new job, we are really struggling with childcare as he has to work every Saturday and I work every 2nd saturday, OH doesn't have any family nearby and I only have my dad, who lives on the other side of the city. We had a discussion the other night about me giving up my job (i only work 16 hrs and don't exactly love it!). We don't have any debt and a very small mortgage, so financially we would be ok, it sounds good but I feel very guilty!
There is no way I can get my shifts changed to get the saturday off either as I work in retail and have already asked. I haven't done anything about it yet as I keep changing my mind, one minute I think it's a good idea, the next I'm not so sure, think it's probably because I have always had a job since I left school. I have mentioned to my dad that we would maybe need a babysitter for every 2nd Saturday but tbh he wasn't that forthcoming with the offers of babysitting and he has his own life since he retired.
Has anyone else had these feelings of guilt?

Bloomin_Freezing2

Absolutely not, you are doing this for you family so you should not feel guilty.

As you say firstly you only work 16 hrs so the money side of things won't differ, secondly you don't like the job. Seems a pretty simple choice to make in my eyes.

If you really feel that bad, why not look for an evening job or a sunday job somewhere, but in all honesty I don't think it sounds as if it's worth it.

Ada_Doom

I have not experienced this myself as I work full time but I would tell you to try and ditch the guilt! If you and OH both feel that you can afford to give up work for the moment and it is something you are comfortable with I would say just go for it. If you enjoy being a full time SAHM, which is as tiring as working out of the home, then bloomin well enjoy it to the max! Your childs early years will fly by, and the last thing you want to do is feel guilty about a decision that is the best for your family,. Making a home and bringing up your child is a really important role and one you should be proud of doing.

And the thing to remember is that nothing is set in stone. If you leave work and realise after 12 months that you miss it you can look round for something else, maybe something that fits around your family.

Best of luck whatever you do .

Ada

2boysmum

Ada_Doom wrote: »

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And the thing to remember is that nothing is set in stone. If you leave work and realise after 12 months that you miss it you can look round for something else, maybe something that fits around your family.

Best of luck whatever you do .

Ada

That's what I was thinking, if it doesn't work out then I could maybe look for some evening work. I think it's just because I have always worked, except for when I was on maternity leave, it seems a bit strange not to be out working earning the money.
Thanks guys!

Amanda65

Firstly don't feel guilty. I was able to spend the first 18 months of DD1 life at home and loved it although it did take some adjustment. I was then lucky enough with DD2 and DS to be able to find a job for 12 hours per week and my lovely Mum was able to cover child care. Those first few years are so precious and go so quickly so if you get the opportunity to spend time with them (and many would love to and can't) then go for it :j. As you say nothing is set in stone and you can always look around for something else if 6 months down the line it's not for you.

In the meantime however, if you want to earn a bit of your 'own' money have you considered Avon or something similar? I've done all manner of party plan selling over the years - some very successful and some not so but you can fit it in around family life, the hours you put in are up to you and it can be quite good fun once you get into it. Good luck x

smithyjules

I don't know about you OP but since I've become a mum there is always something I feel guilty about!Too much of this not enough of that, should I shouldn't I?! It's a hard task trying to find a balance that works for you and your family, so give yourself some credit for trying to find a way of life that suits you all and if it's not quite right you just try something else. My Hubby is at Uni and we have 2 children so I went back to work after mat leave doing evenings and weekend to keep us afloat but I hated being away at the childrens bedtimes and felt so guilty about it. I've since changed my job so I work mon-thurs and feel so much better about everything...although now I can't be a parent helper on Nursery trips which is a bit sad and does give me a twinge of guilt...can't win eh!

You are doing your best, an no doubt you will work just as hard at home looking after the family, hope it all goes well for you all.

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi, I became a SAHM last year. My circumstances are a bit different because I did it to care for my son who has health problems but I have worked all my adult life so it has been a huge change.

It took some adjusting to but it was definitely the best thing I ever did. I am busy all day and tell myself I have a very important job - caring for my family - I just dont get paid for it! I do everything now, all the cooking, cleaning, managing the finances, even most of the gardening and am amazed at how much I enjoy it. I dont feel like a doormat, I take pride in running the house well, my husband appreciates what I do and it works for us.

The best advice I can give you is not to listen to anyone else. I was really surprised by some peoples negative comments when I gave up my job. There are many ways to have a fulfilling and purposeful life and work is only one of them. I think you know what you want to do so I wish you lots of luck and happiness.

jamsandwhich

No I wouldn't feel guilty - I only went back three days a week after my maternity ended but, I love my job and it is a fantastic workplace - also lucky enough to have helpful sets of family. If I had to go back to my job full-time I would have left and tightened our belts - I would never give up the time spent at home for anything.

Is it possible that you could give it a go and get another retail job if you really didn't like not working or get something on an evening instead?

Pee

You have to do what's right for you and don't assume that people who have made other choices will judge you. The people who are judgemental are usually trying to justify the choices that they have made, which may not have been the right one for them, and would only coincidentally be the right one for you.

I would look forward to some quality time together as a family and look at the money saving aspects to not working, like no petrol, parking, work clothes, work lunches, takeaway as no time to cook or however it is for you.

Plans_all_plans

I never felt guilty at all when I was a SAHM (now working part time) In fact I loved it. Granted it was hard work, but I truly felt I was doing the best thing by our child and my family by giving up work.

If your husband is happy for you to give up work, I personally think you'd be mad not to! If he can value the non-monetary gain to your family by you staying at home, so should you!! Being a mum is the most important job in the world in my eyes anyway.

Best of luck.

keelykat

Hi, I'm a stay at home mom and don't feel guilty at all. Right now I'm enjoying looking after my son (and have another on the way). If i went back to work-i'd only just cover childcare (if i was lucky) so there'd be no point to be honest. Enjoy it, if you really don't like it after 6 months you can always find another job that you'd be happier with

Good luck.

keely.