Deep in Debt and Petrified

Bestthingsinlifearefree

Hi Welcome to MSE,

Can you not talk to your husband ?

(agree a joint strategy, with both incomes to take the families finances forward as one team).

mummymoments

Hi AP,

You have taken a really big step in admitting your problem. I'm new here too and although don't have quite as much debt as you I was really scared about telling my OH about my debts too - it turned out that he has just as much as me. I know it seems terrifing but it will be better for everyone if everyone knows the full story - as everyone has said he will find out sooner or later but if you can tell him and show him that you are trying to do something about it then he will be a lot more understanding - take it from me - been there done that!!

The main thing is that you try and get the debt down - if only for the sake of your kids - I know it seems that there is no hope but there is always a way - this board is a great start and everyone will support you every step of the way (again I speak from experienece!!!).

I am a stay at home mum to my little girl and have a second baby on the way but am still managing to pay off my debts all be it slowly - I was a self confessed spend a holic - so if I can do it you can too!!! Every penny counts and you will be amazed how quickly it all adds up.

My advice is take it one step at a time and don't always accept no as a definate no - try again explaining the situation. I'm sure the companies would prefer something rather than nothing. I asked my CC companies to lower my interest rates or offer a decent balance transfer rate and was originally told no but they then relented and offered me a 11% reduction and I'm not even working anymore - remember every little counts!!!

As mentioned there are loads of people to give you great advice and support on this site - remember you are not alone and if the worse comes to the worst then you still always have your kids - and they are worth more than any money in the world!!!

Good luck

Absolutely_Petrified

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I can't tell him. It just is not an option. He would go ballistic and I'd end up a single parent and in a worse situation than I am now.. I know that sounds week but please don't judge me. I need to sort this myself.

Re: gas and electric - I live in NI. Here we only have one supplier of each so get ripped off. We have quite an old house and it's a nightmare to heat. There is no arrears on these.

Re: basic bank accounts - is there a particular one anyone recommends? If I go down this route, what do I do about the ODs on the other accounts? The current accounts are both joint but even getting one into my name only with my salary going in one would be a start. The mortgage is in joint names. Nothing else is. The £900 to the mortgage includes a £20 per month extra payment towards the arrears. Apparently if I keep to this for 6 months they will capitalise the arrears and wipe the slate clean. Then hopefully I can change to another product with them.

What way does DMP work? How quick can it be sorted? Can it be sorted for everyone? Are my payments likely to reduce by much?

James&Shell

Hi just wanting to ay that i hope it all goes well for you.


James

louisa79

When you go for a DMP, the people handling it (CCCS etc) will add up your income and expenditure and you will pay them the surplus to give to your creditors. They will also deal with any letters or phonecalls from your creditors. The creditors will often freeze interest and charges. The CCCS can also help you with the stress and family problems you are going through. Call them today!

Best of luck.

duncans-mum_2

I second calling CCCS today. I have no personal experience of them myself, but you do need some proper help/support. I know you said telling OH was not an option, and I don't want to keep banging on about it but... If you are so stressed about this, surely he will be realising there is something wrong. Where does he think your money is going if not on your debts he doesn't know about? I can appreciate telling him would not be easy for anyone, but also think about how much hurt he would be if he found out by accident.

You are using ccards for your essential purchases to cover up for the fact that you have no money left over, so you will be in a vicious circle.

I really hope you can get something sorted either way, but defo call cccs, as they will be able to look at the situation rationally, with a fresh perspective.

woohoo_postingid

Am I missing something?

Total income is £2530
Total outgoings are £2618

That leaves you with a deficit of £88 per month.
By tightening your belt, this could easily be wiped out and leave you with money at the end of the month which could be thrown a your debts.

melaniec_2

Hi

have a look on the bank acount forum there is lots of talk about basic acounts there. my bank closed my account this time last year. choose you new bank carefully, its hard adjusting to not having even a basic debit card although the co-op does let you have one if they let you open an account. if you have to have a cash card choose a bank you can get to easily by easy i mean really easy. Lloyds only let you use your card at Lloyds, I regually have to do a 8 mile round trip to get cash to go to apts if I have run out.

HHH_2

Hi as someone in the same position i.e cant tell my partner and with large debts, dread the postman and the phone ringing I would strongly urge you to call CCCS or do it on line as I did. They were incredibly helpful and non judgemental and my DMP starts soon. Maybe one day I will be able to tell OH but at least that will be when I'm up ad running with my repayments and I wont feel such a fool. I know everyone says tell him but I totally understand why you cant.Good luck the minute you start doing something about it you will feel slightly better and more in control of your life. xx

CLAPTON

a few comments

there are several reasons why its going to be very difficlut to deal with theses problems without either telling your OH or him finding out :

firstly the DMP process involves stop paying your creditors the contracted amounts which means that they will default your a/cs and trash your credit record. as you have joint a/cs with your OH , he is financially linked to you and so his credit score will be affected too.
many of your creditors will phone and write demanding payments. this will be difficult to hide from him.

secondly, as alredy pointed out by woohoo, on paper there isn't a very great shortfall in your joint income and stated spending.. however this will be very difficult to address if OH is spending money without realising the true situation. presumably also, much of his sepnding isn't included in your SoA?

in many ways your most urgent problem is to really find out exactly where your money is all going...without OH involvment this isn't really feasible
cutting back on the very very high gas and electricity must be a really feasible proposal but would need him being on board.

you say he spends 200 per month on CC repayment ...does that mean he also has significant debts...if he's only paying the minimum then that would equate to about £10,000 debts as well.

but give CCCS or payplan a ring...it doesn't commit you to anything.