Parental responsability?

valkirn

pigpen wrote: »

I think you need to make it clear to him that what either of you want is not important as at 13 it is down to what your daughter wants and he must already know you would not forbid her to go unless she would potentially be at risk. It sounds like he is under the misguided impression she is still 5 and has to do as she is told without question. Men are so stupid sometimes!

Mine are refusing to go to their dads from 11 y/o upwards! My 16 y/o hasn't seen him (other than when he lied and said he was on holiday when he wasn't!!!) since christmas.

I think it is about time i sat down and had a proper chat about all of this with him, as more than anything i dont appreciate being made to feel like a badun when i haven't done anything wrong.

Everything ive ever done has been for our daughter and i have done my best to be a good mum in her eyes too (im sure there were times and times yet to come where she will hate my guts, but as long as she knows im there for her no matter what then im happy)

Part of me is always going to panic though and i do wonder why the sudden interest but if the new girlfriend is anything to go by and if this one is a keeper then its either to impress her or there will be an announcement in the non too distant future

RacyRed

valkirn wrote: »

I think it is about time i sat down and had a proper chat about all of this with him, as more than anything i dont appreciate being made to feel like a badun when i haven't done anything wrong.

Everything ive ever done has been for our daughter and i have done my best to be a good mum in her eyes too (im sure there were times and times yet to come where she will hate my guts, but as long as she knows im there for her no matter what then im happy)

Part of me is always going to panic though and i do wonder why the sudden interest but if the new girlfriend is anything to go by and if this one is a keeper then its either to impress her or there will be an announcement in the non too distant future

Lets be blunt about it. New g/f starts questioning why he hasn't taken much interest in his daughter, makes him look less desirable in her eyes, so he picks up the phone. And if new g/f dumps him then what happens? Contact stops again until the next time he needs to look like a concerned dad?

I'd tell the coniving !!!!!! that he doesn't get to "use" your daughter to impress his g/f.

Mojisola

RacyRed wrote: »

Lets be blunt about it. New g/f starts questioning why he hasn't taken much interest in his daughter, makes him look less desirable in her eyes, so he picks up the phone. And if new g/f dumps him then what happens? Contact stops again until the next time he needs to look like a concerned dad?

Or you could look on the optimistic side and think maybe this new GF is a keeper and she's shocked at the way he has behaved towards his daughter and is making him take his responsibilities seriously.

If your daughter wants to go, let her and see how whether he is able to maintain this new interest.

LJM

i think now that she is 13 it would be her choice

xangeleyes

To be honest, at least he's making the effort now.

I understand where you are coming from though.

What does your daughter want to do? IMO you shouldn't stop her if she wants to go with him because she's resent YOU for it unfortunatly.

If he messes up etc then your daughter is old enough to make her own choice about it all. She may decide that he's not worth it.
All you can do is be there for her.

Good Luck.

valkirn

RacyRed wrote: »

Lets be blunt about it. New g/f starts questioning why he hasn't taken much interest in his daughter, makes him look less desirable in her eyes, so he picks up the phone. And if new g/f dumps him then what happens? Contact stops again until the next time he needs to look like a concerned dad?

I'd tell the coniving !!!!!! that he doesn't get to "use" your daughter to impress his g/f.

He cant maintain a phone call from one week to the next, he starts and it will last a month even though our daughter has her own mobile, so im half agreeing with you in that he either wanted to impress the new gf or

Or you could look on the optimistic side and think maybe this new GF is a keeper and she's shocked at the way he has behaved towards his daughter and is making him take his responsibilities seriously.

If your daughter wants to go, let her and see how whether he is able to maintain this new interest.

Half agreeing with this statment and hoping it is this one.

ultimatly though it is up to our daughter and i have to learn to stand back and just be there if and/or when it all falls apart,

make_me_wise

Of the two statements quoted in the post above I am hoping it is the latter one that applies. If it is the first though how hurt is your daughter likely to get? I cant think of anything worse than a parent showing interest in you only as and when it suits them. Is she a kid who this could cause upset and stress to.

I do agree that contact has to be your daughters decision. If I were you though I would be chatting to the dad and making it clear he wasn't to mess her around and let her down. Hope it all works out okay OP.

valkirn

make_me_wise wrote: »

Of the two statements quoted in the post above I am hoping it is the latter one that applies. If it is the first though how hurt is your daughter likely to get? I cant think of anything worse than a parent showing interest in you only as and when it suits them. Is she a kid who this could cause upset and stress to.

I do agree that contact has to be your daughters decision. If I were you though I would be chatting to the dad and making it clear he wasn't to mess her around and let her down. Hope it all works out okay OP.

Tbh i dont think she is too bothered anymore she takes him with a pinch of salt, she used to get quite hurt and would ask me why he didnt want her, and what she had done wrong but ive just kept trying telling her that he loves her in his own way and she will have to wait for him for answer as to why he's like he is because its not up to me to tell her that.

He seems to think seeing her every 6 months or so is acceptable as he has to travel with work alot but there has been times he has been working in the same town but not phoned or even poped in to say hi but like ive said and ive told him he has to answer her questions about why he doesnt want her the same way her step dad does as her step dad cant do enough for her but then he's been there since she was 2.