Parental responsability?

valkirn

My ex partner hasnt ever taken his daughter out on his own before but has started asking now she is 13, this is a man who has always come up with excuses when asked if he wanted to take her over night or days out.

Now he wants to take her out with his parents and new girlfriend, tbh i have never said no but im worried now as he has said i cant stop him even if i wanted to as he has parental responsability,yet he has never taken me to court for it, and i was under the assumption that as our daughter was born pre 2003 he didnt have it automatically either.

So how has he got parental responsability?

Lady_S

Unless you were married when she was born, then no, he doesn't automatically have parental responsibility.

But I think you should consider why you are considering stopping your daughter. I would suggest you discuss it with her before making a rash decision.

pigpen

What does she want to do?

Courts won't be interested in anything you or her dad want, only what she wants... unless he has a history of abuse or violence or other serious crime.

valkirn

I have never said i would stop him, thats his attitude coming through, his exact words to me over the phone were, "I want to take my daughter out this weekend with my parents and girlfriend, and dont think about stopping me as i have parental responsability and can take her when i like!"

So all i did was ask where they were planning on going and let me know what time they would be here.

We were never married either so that wouldnt apply.

make_me_wise

I would ask your daughter her opinion on all of this. How well does she know her dad? Has she seen him regularly but always in an accompanied way? At her age I wouldn't have been happy to go off with a man I hardly knew and be expected to mix with his girlfriend and parents on days out. Id have been even less keen to stay over in their house.

As I am sure you are acutely aware, what matters here is what your daughter wants. If your ex is responsible he will respect this too and allow any contact to be built up in a gradual way on your daughters terms.

I get the distinct uneasy impression that he suddenly wants her around to show off to his girlfriend. I hope I am wrong.

lookingforsun

Lady S is correct, unless you were married, you're ex does NOT have parental responsibility. If he applied for it, he'd almost certainly get it. He's wrong on another count as well - parental responsibility does not give him automatic rights to take your daughter either.

valkirn

I have disscussed this with my daughter and she is happy to go, my worry comes in as she only see's her dad once in a blue flood in fact it was her who informed me she has only seen him 22 times for around 4-6 hours at a time and if you add it up properly in days then it doesnt equate to much.

she has seen his parents more often than him so this is why i havent said no as i trust them more.

she has always been acompanied by me but i am trying to allow her her independance now she is in high school and not a baby.

Pigpen i would not stand in the way if my ex had taken me to court and my daughter had said what she wanted, but it has never been to court as i have never stopped him seeing his daughter (unless we have had other plans that really couldnt be changed short notice) i dont see the point in doing so he has never been violent or horrid in any way a little irrisponsable at times but not to the point of stupidity,

sueeve

As she is 13, and you trust the grandparents, just leave it up to her to choose. Are you in contact with the grandparents? If so, perhaps a cautious word with them would allay your worries, especially if they have a contat number if they are concerned.

daska

As per earlier responses no, it's unlikely that he would have parental responsibility without you knowing about it LOL. So I think my response would be along the lines of "I'm so glad you want parental responsibility, here are the forms, shall we go down to the courts and formalise them". Then see how fast he runs...

Does he pay maintenance? You could suggest that the pair of you sort out a formal maintenance arrangement at the same time.

valkirn

He does pay maintinence he just never wanted to be a father if that makes any sense.

Well she has decided to go and as long as she keeps her mobile on her and makes the calls she needs to make if she needs to if she gets seperated from them for any reason then its all good i guess

pigpen

I think you need to make it clear to him that what either of you want is not important as at 13 it is down to what your daughter wants and he must already know you would not forbid her to go unless she would potentially be at risk. It sounds like he is under the misguided impression she is still 5 and has to do as she is told without question. Men are so stupid sometimes!

Mine are refusing to go to their dads from 11 y/o upwards! My 16 y/o hasn't seen him (other than when he lied and said he was on holiday when he wasn't!!!) since christmas.