Sex Addiction

WifeofRonald

Hi,
I dont know if anyone has ever encountered this problem before but my friend came to me last night and said that he had a 'sex addiction' ( I was under the view if you cant keep it in your pants then your just a hornny so and so) but he said that he was addicted to engaging in sexual acts with countless partners. He is in long term relationship with his partner of around 5 years but told me (to which I was shocked), that he has had affairs with around 30 other men. I never ever ever belived this of my friend ! , Even I feel betrayed by him so god knows how his partner would feel. My friend basically said that he sometimes is ok with his partner and doesnt cheat for months then he just has the urge and finds someone on the internet or etc , and he invites them over and cheats or goes to their place, He says he sometimes goes through weeks where he sleeps with upto 3 different men. I asked him why cant he stop it ? He said that he just cant its an urge he cant control, but he has told e that afterwards he feels immense guilt which has started to make him feel depressed. His partner doesnt know and supposadly its only me that knows. I cant believe it, his partner and him have such a good relationship (or so I thought ). One half of me wants to slap him the other is trying to understand. I am more thinking that maybe there is nothing 'wrong in the relationship' maybe he is medically addicted to sex ? and really loves his partner ?. Its all confusing !

Any help on the matter would be much appreciated as I dont even know where to start with advice

diable

Tell him to see a shrink.

Kimberley82

he needs to go and get profesional help. He also needs to get himself checked for STDs

the_cat

Sounds like a good excuse for bad behaviour to me

RacyRed

If he is telling you (his friend) he is asking for help. He needs to see his GP as a first step.

Tropez

While there are a number of proponents for the existence of hypersexuality, there is still debate about it and as yet it is still not properly recognised by psychology associations. Treatments for it vary and are there is no specific agreed upon treatment. Some use therapy based treatment, others have used drug based, specifically SSRIs, most commonly found in anti-depressants, that have been shown to reduce sex drive.

However, most people have urges and are quite capable of controlling them. If he is truly an addict, then his partner should be made aware. It will probably wreck their relationship (I know it would wreck mine) but does the OH not have a right to know if their OH is cheating on them, compulsively or not, and particularly given the number of sexual encounters involved? There's a severe STI risk for a start and I think whether it be drugs, gambling, alcohol or whatever, most partners would want to know their OH is an addict.

BitterAndTwisted

In my opinion "sex-addiction" is a phrase used by those who cannot take responsibility for their own actions. This friend either doesn't care enough about their partner to accept that a relationship includes some sexual exclusivity or has extremely impaired impulse-control. Either way, they are not a suitable candidate for any partner and should either remain single and carry on putting only their own sexual-health at risk or seek professional help.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

It's just another example of our worthless society where nobody needs to take responsibility for their own actions because they can hide behind a label and so the blame lies elsewhere. Take ADHD, i'm sure i'll offend some people who need to hide their kid's chavvy behaviour behind some comedic disease when really all they need is a good slap across the back of the head.

Sez addiction, rubbish.

ukjoel

Its like any other addiction.

Highs and lows - highs usually just before or while chasing it.
Lows and guilt immediatly afterwards.

Cycles can vary per person and its like a roller coaster ride where he can be on a smooth path for a while then suddenly gets the urge or craving and whoosh.

Above could be a description of your friends sex addiction but could also be put to booze, drugs, cigs, and even food. Wife attends slimmingworld every week and its like a low cal seven step program.

Only thing your friend can do is find alternatives - if he was dieting he would have a wrap and not the burger, or the yogurt and not the ice cream. My guess is his life is dull and this is the spark that breaks the boredom. He needs to get his adrenalin kicks another way, whether it be sport, spicing up his relationship or bungee jumping.

May sound simplistic and its not that easy. He needs to revisit the him BEFORE he did this and look at whats changed and why this has started happening.

Whatever he does - it wont be easy. I wish him luck.

themull1

Lets add the word 'addiction' to anything and it will become ok and justifiable.... i thought the word was 'nymphomaniac'.....

the_cat

I thought it was '!!!!!!'