Is this normal behaviour?

Cookie_monster_7

Since my dd started nursery 6 months ago she has been behaving a bit strangely and I am not sure whether her behaviour is related to nursery or not. She is not an affectionate child anyway, has never wanted cuddles or kisses, from me in particular, and now she won't hold my hand or let me stroke her hair. Sometimes she won't even look at me. As a very loving affectionate mum this is devastating to me. I am the sort of mum who would love to cuddle up on the couch with her but if I try she'll move to another chair. I'm a sahm and I've been with her everyday of her life. I play with her, read to her and we all spend time together as a family talking and laughing as much as possible. Today when I picked her up she tried to hold another one of the mum's hands at nursery and said to me "I want to go with a stranger" I'm so baffled and concerned by all of this.

I haven't mentioned anything to the nursery staff. They tell me that she has settled in well and loves to have a cuddle from the teachers!! I could have cried then and there!

I feel so sad about this and hope it is just a phase of her asserting her independence.

Sugardonut

Aww, children can be so cruel without realising. As upsetting as it is, the fact that she is showing affection to others is a good sign.

Maybe she's upset/feeling rejected about being at nursery? Or maybe like you say she's just feeling confident and independent and sees all the hugs etc as little girl stuff (besides the fact she's only at nursery :eek:)

This will hopefully pass, just keep on doing what your doing, leave the door open for her :T

meritaten

awww how upsetting! has anyone said jokingly 'I bet you will be glad to have a couple of hours peace without her' or anything similar she may have overheard? sounds like she is punishing you to my mind. Have you told her how much you miss her when she is at nursery? Be patient hun, and keep telling her you love her, etc. I am sure she will come round soon.

pigpen

I think it is normal and I dn't think it is necessarily that she feels pushed away or rejected. It is a time she is forming other attachments to people other than yourself.. teachers, friends etc and she is learning about new relationships and a whole of other stuff .. colours, shapes, sharing, communication etc.. don't stop stroking her hair or hugging her.. she will get used to it and if you stop trying then she will feel rejected!

make_me_wise

Cookie_monster wrote: »

Today when I picked her up she tried to hold another one of the mum's hands at nursery and said to me "I want to go with a stranger" I'm so baffled and concerned by all of this.

I haven't mentioned anything to the nursery staff. They tell me that she has settled in well and loves to have a cuddle from the teachers!! I could have cried then and there!

I feel so sad about this and hope it is just a phase of her asserting her independence.

You are doing everything right. Your daughter is growing up in a loving, stable home where you all interact. She sounds like a confidant little girl, no problems settling in nursery and happy to be with her carers. That speaks volumes about how secure and balanced your daughter is and that is down to you hun.

I was never a very affectionate child. I didn't like cuddles at all and hated having my hair touched. Dont know why it was just a pet hate of mine. Some kids are just like that. I didn't differentiate I treated everyone the same.

However my nephew is similar to how you describe your daughter. Distant with some and yet loves cuddles from others. As his family we feel he is just asserting some independance and testing boundaries. None of us react to it and just let him be as he pleases with each of us.

The only thing that concerned me is your daughters comment about going off with a stranger. Personally I would speak with the nursery. They see her day in/day out and may be able to offer some insight on where that remark came from. Maybe they have been covering 'stranger danger' and your daughter has misunderstood things. It is an opportunity to highlight a worry and concern and for her keyworker to address it with her and her classmates.

stsarina

Something I was told when my DD went through a similar phase is that she is clearly confident and secure enough in her attachment to you that she feels able to act in that way, and doesn't need reassurance of your love for her - some small comfort, though it still hurts when they don't want to cuddle up with you!

My little girl (now 29 months) was only like this for a couple of months and is now back to her normal loving self, thank goodness. I hope your DD is the same - may I ask how old she is now?

skintchick

How old is your DD? You say you are a SAHM, can I ask why she goes to nursery? Just to try and get a handle on it before I reply. Has she previously been affectionate or has she never been much of a cuddler?

poppy10_2

Cookie_monster wrote: »

I am not sure whether her behaviour is related to nursery or not.

I doubt it has anything to do with the nursery, it sounds like the poor kid has had problems for a while:

Cookie_monster wrote: »

My dd (27 months old) has always woken up crying in the morning until we get her out of her cot... now if she wakes up early she shouts "mummy out out out" over and over and won't give up, and me going in to settle her makes her more angry. I refuse to get up with her until at least 6.50am because it would just end up being earlier every morning.

Cookie_monster wrote: »

Our dd (2 1/2) has started being horrible to her dad. She doesn't want anything to do with him and pushes him away if he goes to her saying "no, mummy, mummy".

He is the best dad imaginable and we are both hurt and confused by this.

Cookie_monster wrote: »

DD not excited to see me

My dd (2.5 yrs) started playgroup last week, when I pick her up the other children all see their mums and are really excited to see them and run up to them to give them a cuddle going "mummy". My dd looks over at me then carries on with what she is doing and then we'll go home. Why is she not pleased to see me? Why don't I get a cuddle?

Cookie_monster wrote: »

My dd is 2.5 yrs and makes a huge mess out of anything. Mealtimes are a nightmare, whatever has been served up gets mashed up with her hands and chucked on the floor.
I don't know how to handle this messiness because I spend so much time cleaning up her messes there is less time to read her a story or sit and play with her. How can I explain that to her though.

Cookie_monster wrote: »

The most difficult thing I have to deal with with my dd is her tendency to play with her poo. She is nearly 3 and I have been dealing with this problem for a year now.

Cookie_monster wrote: »

My nearly 3 year old dd keeps killing insects despite being told repeatedly not to. She once was throwing stones at a bumble bee and she's squashed loads of small bugs with her hands.

I'm really horrified and worried by this behaviour because she persists despite being told not to do it because it hurts them etc.

Cookie_monster wrote: »

"I don't like mummy"
My 3 yr old has said this to me yesterday and again today. This time I can't stop crying about it because there is absolutely no reason for her to say it. ( I am pre-menstrual and haven't slept in 2 nights which might explain the crying) She doesn't understand the question "why?" yet so I can't get an explanation.

If she's really as troubled as you make out, then I'd get her checked over by the GP. Alternatively it might be that your expectations of how a three year old child should be behaving and developing psychologically could need managing. Perhaps some input from the health visitor could be useful for both of you.
Hope things work out ok.

DVardysShadow

meeps wrote: »

I think I remember a similar patch with my son when he learned to differentiate between babies and toddlers, I got a lot of 'no, no baby, I big' -I couldn't step right back and have no cuddles so used to do tickle attacks, 'gonna getchas', blowing raspberries, kid-robics (balancing him on my legs so he could pretend to be a plane) type of stuff and got my mummy fix from all that- he is hugely cuddly now and I have to tell him to gerrof!

Aahh!! This begins to sound like a healthy phase of development, where the child develops a sense of self and independence, realising that they can do their own thing rather than just passively let mummy do things to them.

Savvy_Sue

I would mention this to nursery, and any other ongoing problems. It may or may not be anything, but they can probably reassure you or keep an eye out for anything that concerns them.

jackyann

Cookie monster: I agree with poppy10. It is very difficult on a forum like this to distinguish between normal "ages & stages" and worrying behaviour.

The experts on child development & behaviour are the nursery staff & the health visitor. As they have different perspectives, to talk to both would be useful.
Both are also used to dealing with the natural anxiety of loving parents.

Although it needs mentioning, don't read too much into the "stranger" statement - she may not know the exact meaning of the word.