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Considering Surrogacy

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Comments

  • Kimberley82
    Kimberley82 Posts: 1,717 Forumite
    Wow I made a post a bit like this about 2 weeks ago with quite a different response.

    I am considering becoming a surrogate.

    I am guessing you have thought about it all and I am very sorry the other posters are being so negative when you are looking at doing something so lovely for another couple.
    Shut up woman get on my horse!!!
  • elvis86
    elvis86 Posts: 1,399 Forumite
    pigpen wrote: »
    Have you considered how you might feel handing over a baby?

    Shucks, I bet she hadn't even considered that..:cool:
    pigpen wrote: »
    Egg donation is possible up to 35 .. or again fostering a child that is already in the world and needs someone to love it are both options I'd consider first.

    Both equally wonderful and generous endeavours, but entirely different prospects with completely different motivations for doing them (especially fostering). The OP has 4 children (which is quite enough for most people!), she's expressed no desire to care for any more children, so why would she consider fostering???:(

    OP, I can't believe the overwhelmingly negative reactions you've received! I think it's a wonderful thing to do, acknowledging that not everybody is as lucky as you and wanting to help them. And how lovely that your husband is so supportive, that must be a big ask for a man.

    It's very easy for people who find it easy peasy to pop out sprogs to be negative, but for someone for whom a surrogate may be the only way to have a child of their own (me included), this is a truly priceless gift and one for which I certainly would be eternally grateful.

    Best of luck to you.:):):)
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    elvis86 wrote: »

    It's very easy for people who find it easy peasy to pop out sprogs to be negative, but for someone for whom a surrogate may be the only way to have a child of their own (me included), this is a truly priceless gift and one for which I certainly would be eternally grateful.

    Best of luck to you.:):):)

    Genuine question, if a surrogate died or suffered permanent ill health while carrying or giving birth to your baby, how would you feel? If that surrogate had their own children could you live with yourself knowing that you were the reason they don't have a mother anymore?

    As I said before, I really feel for women who can't have babies but want them, but surely children that already exist should come first?
  • Kimberley82
    Kimberley82 Posts: 1,717 Forumite
    Person_one wrote: »
    As I said before, I really feel for women who can't have babies but want them, but surely children that already exist should come first?


    In that case I hope you are only planning to adtop and not have a biological child.
    Shut up woman get on my horse!!!
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    edited 5 May 2011 at 5:20PM
    In that case I hope you are only planning to adtop and not have a biological child.

    Actually, I hope to foster at some point.

    Not sure what that's got to do with the OP's situation though.

    Maybe I could have been clearer, your own already existing children who love and depend on you should be a higher priority to you than the hypothetical potential child of another couple.
  • Thanks everyone for your support ! I can also understand the negative opinions also.

    I just want to cross off the point of 'death' if death was to happen then I think its an educated risk, Just like when you get in your car everyday there could be a smash or cross the road etc, Theres always a risk of death so I do not like it when posters put this in such a way.


    I look at it as if I was giving a kidney or some form of transplant for someone then surely I would be risking my life then, Some couples who are so desperate for a baby would class it as the same ! People need to get over that some people genuinely want to help for the right reasons !
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Thanks everyone for your support ! I can also understand the negative opinions also.

    I just want to cross off the point of 'death' if death was to happen then I think its an educated risk, Just like when you get in your car everyday there could be a smash or cross the road etc, Theres always a risk of death so I do not like it when posters put this in such a way.


    I look at it as if I was giving a kidney or some form of transplant for someone then surely I would be risking my life then, Some couples who are so desperate for a baby would class it as the same ! People need to get over that some people genuinely want to help for the right reasons !


    Do you think those of us saying that it's a bad idea are horrible people who just want to be negative about everything or do you think there's a possibility that we really worry that it can turn out badly and don't want anybody to end up hurt?

    Risk of death, yes you can die any day but we take calculated risks depending on how much the benefits outweigh the potential consequences. You might think the chance of giving a childless couple a baby outweighs the possibility of leaving your own children motherless, but for most women that's a gamble they don't want to take.

    It seems like you're pretty determined to do this, obviously nothing that a stranger on a forum says will stop you if that's the case but I strongly urge you to consider everything in Rockporkchop's very sensible post and to be 100% sure that everyone in your family knows, understands and accepts the risks.
  • I have thought about it 100%, I appreciate the concern from me from other posters and I did say that I can see where posters of the opposite opinion to myself were coming from.

    Like I said it is a calculated risk and the benefits far outweigh the negatives, I think deaths the last thing on my mind, considering death of the mother during childbirth/pregnancy is rather uncommon where as survival and having a healthy baby and mother is much much much more common.
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I have thought about it 100%, I appreciate the concern from me from other posters and I did say that I can see where posters of the opposite opinion to myself were coming from.

    Like I said it is a calculated risk and the benefits far outweigh the negatives, I think deaths the last thing on my mind, considering death of the mother during childbirth/pregnancy is rather uncommon where as survival and having a healthy baby and mother is much much much more common.


    Please please please have a look at the actual statistics and talk to someone about the risks before you do this. Its not nearly as uncommon as you might think and pregnancies that cause long term ill health are even more common. Infant mortality is also a much higher risk than the mother dying, how would you feel if you got to 38 weeks, had a placental abruption and the baby died? I work on an ICU, I see far more women on there following childbirth complications than I ever imagined I would, its heartbreaking every time.
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