Considering Surrogacy

WifeofRonald

Hiya,
My name is Sue, Im a long time viewer of the forum , first time poster

I am 32 years old and have 4 beautiful kids of my own ! , Its a bit of a hard question and something I have been considering for a while now, I dont want anymore children of my own and I feel I have the right personality and feelings to be a surrogate mother for couples who cant concieve i.e fertility problems or gay couples.

I dont want to be a surrogate for any sort of money or profit I just want to do it out of sheer kindess as I know how much joy a child can bring especially by a couple with so much love.


I was just wondering if anyone on here is currently doing it or done it ?

Or is even considering it ?

I am 100% sure I want to do it and think it would be an amazing thing to do for someone.

Plans_all_plans

I know you say you've considered all angles, but have you thought about the possible effects on your existing children?

Person_one

Its a kind impulse, but I think you'd be mad to actually do it.

Just because you've had successful pregnancies before doesn't mean you aren't at risk for a whole host of complications, it gets more dangerous as you get older too.

Do you really want to risk something happening to you that might mean you can't care for your own children for the sake of providing one for someone else?

Rockporkchop

It's generous of you to even consider it but I also think you would be mad to do it. Why on earth would you give up at least nine months of your life and your own children's childhood and risk your own health to provide a baby for a stranger?

There are so many things that could go wrong. It could take many months to conceive so your life would be on hold for all that time. The baby could be born disabled - what would happen then? What if you got pregnant and the parents changed their mind about wanting the baby? You could have a difficult or life threatening pregnancy. You could become pregnant with multiples, which is no walk in the park I can tell you. How would you screen the couples - just because they look like a loving couple doesn't mean that they actually are. Sometimes when couples have reached the point of using a surrogate, their relationship has already taken a real battering. I know two different couples with twins from a surrogate who both split up in the year after their births.

Sorry to sound so negative. I do think surrogates do a wonderful and selfless job and bring much happiness, but I can't for the life of me understand why they do it.

littlestar1981

I think that's amazing you want to do it! It takes a very strong person and a very strong family support network to do it, but I think you're amazing.

You really need to find some forums or meetings where you'll find like minded people; here you're addressing the general nation of which very few would consider this.

Remember there's other things you could do too, egg donation, fostering, anyway....

I have no experience but maybe you could get some balanced views at http://www.surrogacyuk.org/ and http://www.surrogacy.org.uk/About_COTS.htm

pigpen

Have you considered how you might feel handing over a baby?

There is also the added risk factors to be taken into account when you get to pregnancy number 5 the medical bodies like to have chickens about PPH, inc. chances of late m/c etc etc...

I think this forum is probably not the right place and those quoted above will probably be more impartial. There is so much that can go wrong and you need to properly and legally cover yourself in the events of babys death, disability, medical expenses (inc. work situation) and a whole variety of things I probably haven't even thought about.

Egg donation is possible up to 35 .. or again fostering a child that is already in the world and needs someone to love it are both options I'd consider first.

WifeofRonald

Well I have thought about all the things mentioned above, and I for one think calling someone 'mad' whilst considering surrogacy is very wrong.

I have understood that my emotions will come under a certain battering during the whole surrogacy process but I think people that do this sort of thing understand themselves and know themselves enough to be able to handle any adverse emotions.

If I were involved with the intended parents throughout the process then I would be more than happy to hand a baby over to someone of whom I trust and would regard as excellent parents.

My husband has been more than supportive and has already said if I want to go through with this that it will only make him love me more as he can see how much of an amazing person it takes.

My children would understand if told in the right way, Like anything major or hard to tell children if it is told to them and they are made to understand in such a way that is suitable for them then they will feel comfortable and I am sure eventually they will understand what there mummy has done for another couple who cannot have a baby.

mum2twinsx2

What a wonderful, selfless thing considering doing.

I would love to become a surrogate, but my body is incapable of handling a pregnancy due to having preeclampsia with both pregnancies.

I would strongly recommend researching thoroughly, look at the surrogacy act to see where you stand etc.

WifeofRonald

Thanks

Well I have looked into all of the legalities here in the UK and I think I more or less understand the regulations etc in regards to the whole process.

I cant wait to get started and give a couple as much joy as I had when I had my first !

Hobo17

You might also find this board useful...

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?PHPSESSID=bvf0ukhao7pk34k5iis5ca3m30&board=57.0

Person_one

WifeofRonald wrote: »

Well I have thought about all the things mentioned above, and I for one think calling someone 'mad' whilst considering surrogacy is very wrong.

I have understood that my emotions will come under a certain battering during the whole surrogacy process but I think people that do this sort of thing understand themselves and know themselves enough to be able to handle any adverse emotions.

If I were involved with the intended parents throughout the process then I would be more than happy to hand a baby over to someone of whom I trust and would regard as excellent parents.

My husband has been more than supportive and has already said if I want to go through with this that it will only make him love me more as he can see how much of an amazing person it takes.

My children would understand if told in the right way, Like anything major or hard to tell children if it is told to them and they are made to understand in such a way that is suitable for them then they will feel comfortable and I am sure eventually they will understand what there mummy has done for another couple who cannot have a baby.

Ok, so you've thought about the emotional side, what about the possible physical effects.

I could list statistics for pregnancy complications and infant and mother mortality rates. Pregnancy and childbirth are incredibly risky, and just because you've had successful pregnancies before is no guarantee, don't underestimate the dangers, please.

Your children might be fine with the idea of mummy having a baby to give to another family but how would they feel if mummy died or had long term disabilities or health issues and wasn't able to look after them anymore because of what she did for the sake of another family?

Edit: Apologies for using the word 'mad', I don't actually think you're crazy. Like I said its a kind impulse but all the possible ramifications mean that, in my opinion, this isn't a risk that someone with four of their own children should be taking.

There are lots of children in care and local authorities are crying out for foster carers. While I feel terrible for couples who want children and can't have them, I'm afraid life isn't fair and sometimes we just have to get on with it and accept our lot, not expect someone else to stake their health and happiness for us.