Real life MMD: Should he pay for his mistake?

marich

What a shambles . You plan a secret event and delegate the essential deception to someone whom you now suppose to be an idiot .

Either you have to come clean and ask 'the boys' to re-schedule or suffer your loss . Your question of asking him to pay for your folly is laughable...

The problem from the outset is that you tried to be too clever . Why not just involve your boy in the plan rather than 'spring it on him' .

Don't you think that it might have been a little high-handed of you , or , that if it had 'gone prefectly' , he might have been a bit unnerved by the level of control you were exerting over celebrating what was his occasion ?

Have you thought that the friend might have not been so secretive and actually have cofided to your boy about the plans - that the boys' weekend was not such an accident - more a 'flight' away from you ?

Kick yourself hard . See what you can do to put it right , and please stop arranging other peoples' lives for them . What you did was essentially selfish ; it was designed to put you in the position of the string-puller - and not many people I know enjoy feeling like puppets .

Jonathandb1972

Hi Penelope,
Firstly have you checked that you will loose money on the venue by changing the date? Since no one is coming to your party it seems to make sense that this changes rather than the flights. I don't think that you will loose money by postponing, you just won't be able to cancel without loosing money already paid.

The venue may not have the next week available but why not have it a few months later....after all the Queen has two Birthdays...I reckon that if an official Birthday is good enough for Royalty why not you guys!

As far as the mix up goes I don't think that anyone can point fingers because it is not clear where the miscommunication happened....perhaps it is actually your fault!

As far as the boyfriend goes....lots of couples vacation separately....but they don't book it without discussing dates and plans before hand. He clearly didn't tell you when he was planning to go away. Likewise it looks like his Birthday plans did not include you. Perhaps a later date for the party is better....If the relationship fails to blossom then you can cancel and will have only lost the deposit rather than the full cost.

Sambucus_Nigra

Jonathandb1972 wrote: »

Hi Penelope,
Firstly have you checked that you will loose money on the venue by changing the date?

It's not actually Penelope that has the problem. Penelope works for MSE and she has lifted a problem posted by someone else on here as a 'Moral Money Dilemma' as a fun way of seeing how people's opinions on the topic differ.

I hope that helps.

JoannaS_3

Like others have said.....that's life and life is sometimes very annoying!!!

If I were you I would just tell your boyfriend about the party and the 'mix-up' and leave the ball in his court, find out exactly how much you will lose from the venue and how much it will cost to change the flights (they don't have to be cancelled but they can be rearranged) and then weigh up the options.

You can't ask the friend pay as you were technically in charge of all the organisation and making sure everything went to plan so I'm sorry to say it but this time the buck stops with you!

Ignore all the silly people telling you to dump your boyfriend because he booked a holiday without you....even in a relationship we are still individuals (and in this life no one has your back but you) and you are allowed to go on holiday without each other!!

Good luck and I hope it all works out well.

JoannaS_3

djb77 wrote: »

What seems strange is not that he is going on holiday without his girlfriend but that he has organised a holiday (without her) on or around his birthday instead of celebrating his birthday with her.

Not really, she says:

His best friend was in charge of pretending they were having a guy's night out that day so he wouldn't suspect anything

So if he already thought he was having a guys night out (which is allowed even if you have a girlfriend by the way) and therefore won't be with his girlfriend, why would it be strange that he has booked a holiday so won't be celebrating with her??!! :doh:

Bailey02

OK ... so you entered into an agreement with your friend to arrange your boyfriend's surprise Birthday party, and unfortunately, he has ararnged this for the wrong date.
Firstly, I would strongly recommend that you contact the venue and explain the situation and see how willing they are to change the date or, whether they will be willing in the circumstances to refund any monies you have paid.
if this is unsuccessful ...
As your agreement with your friend would constitute a legally enforceable agreement (as it has required you enter into a contract with a third party; the venue) and your friend has made a mistake, unless it can be proven that this was not an honest mistake (e.g. was not done purposely) then he would have a defence for any breach of contract. However, this would not necessarily mean that he would not have to pay some recompense to you for breaching your agreement. Therefore, you would probably be awarded some damages (some of the cost of what it will cost you in the scenario you have to breach you contract with the venue), although being an honest mistake, this would more than likely be held as a valid defence and so you would be liable to bear some of the costs yourself.
Therefore, I would recommend you suggest to your friend, that as it was an honest mistake, that he recompense you by making a contribution to what it will cost you.
Hope that helps : )

JayD

You haven't said if the friend only got the date wrong when ensuring your boyfriend would be availalbe, I am assuming this is so and that you have been responsible for sending out the invitations with the correct dates on them.

You also haven't said what the party was to celebrate. Unless it was especially aimed at something your boyfirend has achieved, (rather than just a birthday), I would suggest you go ahead without him and enjoy it with all those friends who come along (on the right date).

On the scant information you have given, if you still intend to cancel the do, I would say that you should not ask the friend to foot the bill. You could however, explain that his mistake will cost you money if you cancel and suggest that he is partly responsible in hte hope that he might offer you some compensation.

It all seems very odd though. Not many boyfriends suddenly book a weekend abroad without even mentioning that they were thinking of doing so - a point at which you could have kept an eye on dates etc. Also, how far is he going that those flights would cost more than your party? Weekend flights to Europe are pretty cheap these days.

To be frank, none of this sits right at all!