How to ask/collect cash as a present

sharpee

As we will have been living together for 2 years when we get married next year we decided we don't want any Wedding gifts.

Now knowing our guests we know they will ignore this and want to give something. So we had thought of asking for a donation for our honeymoon/ house deposit / cost of the Wedding.

Has anyone else done this and if so what sort of method did you use to collect?

I know it seems greedy (honestly we don't want gifts) but my side of family and friends will want to give something, and his side will end up getting us a lot of gifts we will never use:o

emsbet

We said that we didn;t want anyhing but that if people wanted to contribute towards our honeymoon then they could.
We just had a postbox (from eBay) at the reception for cards, which meant that they were all in one place so that those with money in didn't get misplaced.
Some people did buy us gifts which was fine by us but most put money in the cards.
There ae some websites you can set up for people to pay online but we didn't use these. I'm sure someone else can give you some information on those.

xx

iamana1ias

sharpee wrote: »

As we will have been living together for 2 years when we get married next year we decided we don't want any Wedding gifts.

Now knowing our guests we know they will ignore this and want to give something. So we had thought of asking for a donation for our honeymoon/ house deposit / cost of the Wedding.

Bloody cheek. Why not just sell tickets?

sharpee

Not cheeky as several guests have already asked to contribute to the Wedding.;) Plus we are providing overnight accomodation and some want to contribute towards their rooms

bubbles0169

sharpee i dont know how you managed to compose such a lovely calm response well done! xxx
heres something for you to look at
http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2011/04/28/wedding-etiquette-%e2%80%93-am-i-alone-in-preferring-to-be-told-what-gifts-a-couple-wants/
and if you use mse forum search youll find a few threads asking the same

Mojisola

If you really don't want/need gifts or money, you could ask people to "give" something through one of the charity gifts schemes.

It would be lovely to think of all the people who would benefit from your wedding day by having their lives improved.

hermum

http://www.ourwishingwell.com/
I've not used it but there are lots of sites such as this, the one I was looking for that was recommended to my daughter is a honeymoon one. Where you can buy experiences.
Much better than having dozens of toasters, kettles & eggcups.

Mama_Cat

We also don't have a wedding list cos we've been together many years.
When people asked us we said if they wanted they could get us a nice surprise or contribute to the honeymoon (bottle of something or a meal out) but that we're really not expecting anything.

shellsuit

We didn't ask for anything, but if people asked us, we either told them we wanted nothing apart from their backsides there on the day, or the relatives (the older ones who won't take no for an answer!) we told we were saving up for some wardrobes for our bedroom, which we were.

I wouldn't ask though, no way.

Why does it seem to be acceptable when it comes to weddings, to tell people what to do with their own money?

We don't tell people at Christmas and birthdays not to buy us anything but instead to give us cash as that's cheeky, so what's the difference with a wedding?

shellsuit

stuart.pinfold wrote: »

We're asking for donations towards our mortgage deposit fund instead of having a traditional guestlist.

I don't think it's cheeky - as many people here have said, people want to give you something, and if you've already been living together for years (as we have) and already have everything you need for the home (except the home itself) then it makes sense to ask for cash donations.

The wording we used is:



We've calculated that we're spending at least £65 a head for our guests to attend our wedding, which I hope they realise, although are not expecting anywhere near that much back from them.

Why would you guests think about how much it will be costing you per head for them? I think it's rude for you to hope they realise the cost! It's your wedding, so your choice to have X guests and spend X amount on the wedding.

If that's the case, like someone else has said, why not sell tickets for the wedding?

People want to buy gifts for bdays and Christmas, so like I said before, would you tell those people not to bother with a gift and to give you cash instead?

LEJC

Im not sure I can carefully word my answer so as not to offend..but really isnt my intention to offend ...I just want to point out why I sometimes find it more acceptable to buy a gift...

Stuart...your reasoning and writing was going really well until your last sentance about £65 per head....I loved the wording that you are saving for your home and then BANG you come in with the "we've calculated its costing us....." line...
Im me hubby and teenage son ...love a family wedding or a friends one but Im just not in a position to spend anything like 3 x £65 on a gift however well intentioned...thats why sometimes I REALLY WOULD like to choose from a selection of gifts within my price range in order to choose something that hopefully you would appreciate rather than handing over a sum of money unsure if I have given the right amount or not....
Sadly its that type of remark that would offend me and therefore thats why I would be less likely to give cash as a gift....I would hate to think that any bride or groom from a wedding I or my family hve attended have looked at us costing them money and have calculated what a suitable gift in cash would be for me to give based on the "price per head" they have paid.

Anyway back to the OP..its a contentious area and one with no right or wrong answer Be honest and say you would like donations for X or Y however I think asking for contributions to cover wedding expenses possibly should be avoided unless they are very close family who offer first...just get the pitch of your request correct...(it seems that a misplaced word or phrase can influence the outcome significantly) ....its also best avoided to start thinking in terms of each guest costing you £x so hopefully you will generate £y in gifts....and everything will be fine..good luck