How to ask/collect cash as a present

codemonkey

£500 :eek:

I think in this case, a toaster would be a good option.

kmmr

From the other perspective, I like to be given a list when I am a guest. I like to give gifts, and I think it's nice when the list has a range of thoughtful things on it, that you think that otherwise the couple wouldn't get. My Mum has a nice set of silver cutlery, which is really cheesy I know, but I used them on special occasions all through my childhood and I know she wouldn't have them otherwise. Would a few hundred pounds cash, however you use it, ever be able to create 20 years of memories!

I also don't have a lot of time to wander the shops looking for the perfect thing (as a guest) so its nice when there is a good list to choose from.

Oddly enough I think things like deposit and built in furniture (like wardrobes) is less appealing. It doesn't stick with you through life, and is kind of giving you money to invest, or raise the value of your house. It feels more like an investment that a thing to remember and treasure.

Anyway, it's a problem area for sure. Better to at least have a good answer when people ask rather than giving your guests an extra task that they may not want to spend time on!

MrsDrink

I haven't read any replies to this - I know it's an emotive topic, and I wanted to write my own thoughts without clouding my judgement by reading other people's if that makes sense.

(Cor I've been sat here writing my response for ages now - lol it's hard to express what's in my head - maybe it'd have been easy to just quote someone else and say I agree with them lol.. hope what I post finally makes sense and isn't full of waffle!)

Our situation is pretty much the same as yours Sharpee... we'll have been living together for 8-9 years when we get married. While we don't have everything we'd like (e.g. I'd like a new bed) we are set up for 'life'.

I am viewing the wedding in the same way as I do for Christmas/Birthday. I don't like gift lists. (If my arm is twisted I'll give vague responses like 'a white watch' so it still leaves the giver some creativity/personal touch).

We don't want anything from our guests. Literally just their presence. I don't know - I think even thinking about 'but if they want to give us something...' doesn't sit right with me... It almost sounds like you're expecting something. (Although I appreciate you're more expecting that some guests will want to give something). I think for that reason until any of our guests actually ask us "so what do you want" I plan on keeping stum. That way there is no assumptions, and noone will feel pressurised into getting us something.

For those that do ask though... and perhaps I'm like a big kid in this respect- but I would love an unknown gift, rather than money. I know this leaves us open to a few toasters, and things we wouldn't buy for ourselves/use, but so be it. (I would seriously hope our guests would realise we do actually own a toaster having lived together for 8-9 years lol).

So for those that do ask I am tempted to say - whatever you want to give us (and leave it completely open). I certainly don't plan on writing a list of things I'd like. That to me feels like we're having a wedding just so we can go 'shopping' and stock the house out with all the things I'd wish we could get. I don't want any of our guests to feel like they must give us something, let alone money. (I'm waffling now). I think my problem with money is you can't get a bargain. Everyone knows how much was spent etc. That doesn't sit right either. I don't want anyone to feel like they must give us x amount because they've known us for so long.

(Mmm I've just read through and edited my thoughts before I post them - and it doesn't really answer the OP at all - you asked how to ask for cash - and I've gone off on one about why I wouldn't even ask... sorry!)

TC1978

MrsDrink- you and I have exactly the same 'opinion' and I too have not read the previous postings! Our wedding invites have got a section on that reads 'The bride and groom request the gift of you presence, not the gift of your presents' or something like that anyway!

Awkwardly, nearly every person we delivered invites to questioned us about it and we quickly changed the subject. Debenhams have been on the phone several times to sort out us going to set up our imaginary gift list- we even got pressurised into having an appointment which thankfully was cancelled. I explained the situation and we still even ended up being pressurised into having a gift card for those that 'insist' to donate onto. The card arrive and has been 'filed'.

A colleague of mine asked for money which we duly donated into as a group- I didn't mind at the time (I do now after hearing about it buying cocktails on honeymoon which was granted as extra paid leave... after I originally asked for the same time and was turned down!!). Every situation is different. But for us, who have been together a long time, what exactly would we spend it on? Loads of things on my 'wish list' for the house but we're not getting married so that our guests can decorate and furnish our spare room, dining room etc.

And just like MrsDrink again, I've not really answered OP either~!!

PootleFlump_3

iamana1ias wrote: »

I'm off to a mega-posh wedding in July. The cheapest item on the guest list is £500. :eek:

Thats even ruder than asking for cash!

I agree with you kmmr, I definately prefer a wedding list. Would much rather know that what Im buying is actually something they want.

Idiophreak

iamana1ias wrote: »

I'm off to a mega-posh wedding in July. The cheapest item on the guest list is £500. :eek:

I'd be trawling the nearest charity shop for their finest nude statue...