Best place I can think of : grievance

Diana_Prince

Hi lil, so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad to cancer about 8 months ago now so can understand to an extent how you feel.

For me it helps to remember those painful times and to think that he's not suffering anymore. I was asked for a favorite memory to be told at the funeral but I couldn't remember any. Eventually things start coming back and now the time he was ill seems like an old memory and the happier ones are coming to the forefront. My dad had the most amazing (if somewhat inappropriate) sense of humour and I inherited this and this helps me through those dark days.

Find a close friend/family member and speak to them, let them know when you're down and just tell them what you need. For me it's just my best friend to be there and not try and make me feel better.

Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to.

Lil306

Diana_Prince wrote: »

Hi lil, so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad to cancer about 8 months ago now so can understand to an extent how you feel.

For me it helps to remember those painful times and to think that he's not suffering anymore. I was asked for a favorite memory to be told at the funeral but I couldn't remember any. Eventually things start coming back and now the time he was ill seems like an old memory and the happier ones are coming to the forefront. My dad had the most amazing (if somewhat inappropriate) sense of humour and I inherited this and this helps me through those dark days.

Find a close friend/family member and speak to them, let them know when you're down and just tell them what you need. For me it's just my best friend to be there and not try and make me feel better.

Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to.

Thanks Diana,

Humour is usually a good way to cheer me up since I'm like a kid at times and love a good chuckle. I'll take on board your suggestion as my closest friend knows me the best and I always confide in him when I don't know what to do

As a personal thing I'm participating in F@H since I know it won't help anyone in my lifetime but could help someone live a more comfortable life in the future.

BaconandEggs

What is F@H?

timeportal

BaconandEggs wrote: »

What is F@H?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Folding@home

Outpost

Hello mate. I've lost a partner to cancer recently, it's the most horrific experience losing someone you love after watching them get worse. She passed away in front of me in a cancer hospice so mine is not a million miles from your own situation.

I try to find some small comfort in the fact that she isn't suffering any more, because she was suffering badly in those last six months. There's no real answer to grief other than the reality that it does become easier to deal with over time, I've found that whereas I was upset for the first few months that has changed to a sadness if you can understand.

Talking to friends and family is all well and good but I'll admit to finding it a different experience talking to a grief counsellor who works at the hospice where my partner passed away. It is useful to talk to someone who deals with such things day in day out as a job, and someone who is detached from situation.

Other than that try to fill your time with activities rather than sitting around dwelling on things that you can't change. I've learned from experience that while some time alone with your thoughts is essential, too much of it just leads to a depression in your mood since you have too much time to think. I'm sure your Dad wouldn't want this.

It does become easier. It's always there but gradually moves into the background a little rather than being at the front of your thoughts all the time.

All the best anyway fella.

pulliptears

Id also suggest counselling. I nursed my Dad for 2 years at home before he died, and when he did I was suddenly left with nothing to do. I managed to throw myself into my Degree (I was at Uni while all this was going on, juggling Dad, Hubby, 2 kids and Academia) and work on that, but 12 months later when the work stopped and I had thinking time I imploded.

Please seek some counselling, speak to your Doctor. Keeping busy is all well and good until you run out of things to do. I'm sorry for your loss, it's hard and a raw pain that I promise does ease. Soon you will remember and laugh not cry.

emg

It's two years since I lost my dad and, despite the passage of time, I am still really grieving for him. What I have found though is that my memories are becoming less painful. To start with, my strongest memory was his actual death and so I tried to stop myself thinking about him so I didnt have to deal with that memory. Over time it has been a bit easier to think about him without getting upset and I do find that I am thinking less of the period where he was dying and more about just little things we did together. When he died someone said to me, 'it's like someone turns a light out, it never goes back on but you just get used to seeing in the dark'. This does seem to be the case for me. The pain is still there and I still feel horribly cheated by his death but I accept it has happened and I am slowly getting used to my life without him.