SAHP v Working Parent

shelley_crow

If your partner earns enough for you to stay at home then by all means do, if thats what you feel would be best.

I had to go back to work full time at 5 months with my first son. It was horrible, I hardly saw him. I moved jobs and it was much better. I would have liked to stay with him for a few more months but financially, I had no other source of income to allow me to do that.

Financially, going back to work has allowed us a much better standard of living than if I had been on benefits, I have retrained and have a far better job to the one I went back to after maternity leave.

Would part time work be a better option? More time with the kids and you'd still have your foot in the work world.

FBaby

I agree with last poster, nursery times might be more exhausting, but logistically, it's when they start primary school that it is difficult, however, by then, your employer will know what you are worth and will much more likely to be flexible then he/she might be with a mum who is looking for a job after the children are in primary school.

It's nice to read here about single working mothers. There are a number at my place of work, but reading here, you would often think that juggling full-time work and being a single mum is an impossible task and shouldn't even be contemplated.

milliebear00001

I am not sure whether you are a single parent or not, or whether you have financial support from somebody which would allow you to stay at home. If you do, then you have a choice, if you don't, then you need to work to support all of you!

I was at home with my two for the first years. We made massive financial adjustments to allow us to do this. I then retrained and went back to work (my partner is now at home full-time). We wanted a parent at home at least until our children finished primary school.

I totaslly understand why people go back to work - both for financial reasons and other, but our choice bwas based on our belief that babies and young children are best cared for by good, loving parents.

Spendless

I mainly stayed at home. My employer only employed f-time workers when I had eldest (11 years ago) and the right to request p-time/flexible work didn't exist. I wasn't prepared to work f-time to see nothing of my baby and the childcare fees be the equivalent of my wages. The current tax credit system didn't exist either then.

Instead I took on an evening/w'end job in a shop when my DH was home. I did this for 2 years before having to pack in due to ill-health in my next pregnancy. I wasn't able to return to this sort of work as my husband changed jobs so wasn't always home on evenings and the grandparents who'd helped out with the hour between me going to work and husband getting in, had health problems themselves and could no longer do it.

So I stopped at home, till eldest went to f-time school, once taking on a 6 month job as a school dinner lady when my nan was back in a position to have youngest each lunch-time whilst I worked. I then decided to look ahead into the future and decided to go back to college to update skills. I did this for a few years, as it gave me the advantage of doing something. adult company but the flexibility to be home as well. Unfortunately just as I was finishing, a recession kicked in, something I'd never considered and it took me a long time to find something. I now do a basic admin job, as a temp via an agency, but it gives me flexibility, a wage, a reference and job experience.

The advantages of staying at home. You are there for concerts, special assemblies, sports days, parents 'workshops', invites to school lunches and so on, without having to either miss or use these days out of AL which also need to cover school hols, child's sickness and medical and dental appts.
The disadvantages, it can be hard to get back in after a break, things advance whilst you're not working so you need to somehow update skills. You don't have any extra money.

FatVonD

I've worked full time as soon as my son started school and, if I had my time again, I'd do it differently. I regret not being there for him at the school gates if he'd had a bad day and I regret not being able to support his friendships by having friends back after school.

Mojisola

You can find lots of successful examples of SAHPs and working parents. What works for other people will not necessarily be right for you and what other people think is right may not work in your situation.

This is one of those times when you have to work out what is right for you - and only you can decide that. Neither decision is a complete cut-off. If you try working for a bit longer and still hate it, you can leave. If you decide to stay at home and find you're struggling financially or needing more adult stimulation, you can look for other work.

AimeesMum_2

Thanks for all your encouraging stories. I am not a single parent but my partner is on incapacity benefit (has been for 2yrs) and our relationship isn't as secure as I would like. I like to have my own money and am fully responsible for the food, paying the rent and the kids things etc. I try to live financially like a single parent as I am aware that things could hit the fan with us at any point.

I feel much better about going back to work now Thanks everyone xxx

LoopyLil_2

I stayed at home to look after my children. For me, it was worth it. Ok, we weren't rolling in money and had to tighten our belts, but I am so glad I did.

You will hear discussions for and against but at the end of the day it is your choice. As mothers, I feel we are made to feel guilty whatever we decide to do, guilty because we go out to work or guilty because we don't go out to work. I got earache from some family members because I didn't go out to work when the children were little - what it had to do with them, I will never understand!

You do what is right for you and your children.

meds12_2

I really know how you feel with this - when I left my beautiful daughter with a childminder full-time she was 16 months and I used to feel tortured over it. I would literally park the car and run to the childminder's house in order to see her just a few seconds earlier. I was always exhausted too - making sure that I always did a lot with her on evenings and weekends. However, our childminder is amazing! She is strict but very creative, active and fun and is one of my best friends now. Our daughters are best friends and regularly sleep at each others houses, and we all go away on holiday together each year. I'm about to go back to work from maternity leave next month and my son is also going to my childminder's - I feel absolutely fine about going back. The moral of my story - you do get used to it if childcare is good!

I see you give the option of working or benefits, so does that mean you are single? If so then I can appreciate it would be much, much harder than if you had a partner at home to support you. How easy is it to get back into your field if you had another year or so off? Could you go part time? I have to say all the single Mums I know who went back to work instead of relying on benefits all have hard working grown-up children now (my Mum and Gran included), but they almost all were at home for the first few years of their children's lives.

Good luck x

barbiedoll

It's always very difficult to leave your children in the care of someone else, whether it's childcare, school or when they leave home to go to university. You sound as though you enjoy your career and you are obviously doing well so don't feel guilty for being a working mum. You would probably find that staying at home with them would drive you up the wall anyway, although it's lovely to see their first day at school and to read to them every day and watch them take their first steps etc etc, in reality it is exhausting, boring work and you're either cut out for it or you're not, it doesn't make you a bad mum for enjoying working outside the home!

As others have already said, your circumstances will change over the years, you may want to cut your hours down a little later on or you may always be a full-time worker, it's entirely up to you and your family. Make sure that you are aware of your rights as a working parent and don't be made to feel guilty by colleagues who whinge about you having time off if your kids are sick or need to attend appointments, as I always say, my kids will be paying for their pensions in a few years time so they have no reason to moan!

Good luck with your career, and with your childcare arrangements.