Can you help me see how this is fair

fannyanna

Dave101t wrote: »

if your planning a child with him, and he left his original partner, wont you simply be next...?

Who said he left?

jjj1980

Well said Anxiousmum! :T:T:T

I certainly wouldn't have let my marriage end if there was anyway to avoid it. But when the one person you should be able to trust and have support from proves time and time again that they will never be trustworthy or supportive, only deceitful, abusive and selfish, there is really no way to make it work.

Not all single parents are in that situation by choice and if it is by choice, many many of them have very valid reasons why its a safer, better environment for both themselves and their children.

SingleSue

melly1980 wrote: »

You can be as gobsmacked as you want. It is an utter myth that all of the NRP's payments go to benefitting the kid. It is an outright lie. Some of that money will benefit the PWC in ways that doesnt benefit the child no matter how much you pretend that it doesnt.
I'd give my last penny to my kids, but wouldnt be too keen on improving the life of someone who could have been responsible for the ending of a relationship with me. If the kids need providing for then fine, tell me what needs paying for and I'll pay directly for it.

Might be a myth for some....but the above is not true in all cases.

janninew

melly1980 wrote: »

You can be as gobsmacked as you want. It is an utter myth that all of the NRP's payments go to benefitting the kid. It is an outright lie. Some of that money will benefit the PWC in ways that doesnt benefit the child no matter how much you pretend that it doesnt.
I'd give my last penny to my kids, but wouldnt be too keen on improving the life of someone who could have been responsible for the ending of a relationship with me. If the kids need providing for then fine, tell me what needs paying for and I'll pay directly for it.

Agree with this post! My brother pays his ex £400.00 per month and his ex gets the IS, CTC, rent paid etc. There is no way she needs £400.00 per month to raise a 3 year old boy. My brother has him 3 nights a week and the weekend and takes him and pays for any activities that they do.

I agree that NRP should pay for their children, but why does the state pay as well? My brother is more than happy to provide for his son, but he he isn't sure why he should provide money for his ex's lavish life as well?

AMG762

I agree with most of the above and am a strong beliver in the NRP paying a fair amount to support the children.

I just would like to mention what happens very frequently in my local area though. The house prices are very high, no 1 bed flats or small houses for below £100k.

A young person in this area has very litttle chace of obtaining there own place without earning £30k plus, or having a very large deposit.

In my opinion very young girls are entering into a relationship with the sole reason of getting pregnant and securing there own property. They are normally at the council within a week of finding out about the pregnancy, and the boyfriend is normally told he is no longer wanted well before the birth.

The young girls soon find out its not quite as easy as they first thought raising a child and quite rightly need maintenance to support the child.

The only reason i mention this is to try and make people think a little more before having a child. Its a very long and expensive commitment that works best in a stable relationship:o

FBaby

There are many hidden costs in bringing up a child. An increment in maintenance could mean that the pwc and children are able to move to a safer area, or one with better schools. Yes, because the children are living with the pwc, it is inevitable that the pwc will benefit too, but personally, i would prefer that someone benefit along with my children, even if I don't like them at all, then to see my children doing with less, just so that the pwc doesn't benefit either.

Yes, there are probably a few pwc who uses maintenance to buy herself shoes and handbags, but I certainly don't think they represent the majority of mothers.

Marisco

Quite agree Racer, but I think the situations in this thread are different to your scenario.

melly1980

SingleSue wrote: »

Might be a myth for some....but the above is not true in all cases.

Your forgetting one important fact.

For me to be wrong what I posted has to be wrong in every case. If there are any cases where my comments are correct then I am correct because my complaint is about a flawed system that allwos it to happen. At no point have I said that everyone who seeks maintainance fits my description.

melly1980

janninew wrote: »

Agree with this post! My brother pays his ex £400.00 per month and his ex gets the IS, CTC, rent paid etc. There is no way she needs £400.00 per month to raise a 3 year old boy. My brother has him 3 nights a week and the weekend and takes him and pays for any activities that they do.

I agree that NRP should pay for their children, but why does the state pay as well? My brother is more than happy to provide for his son, but he he isn't sure why he should provide money for his ex's lavish life as well?

Lets not forget as well if he pays 400 per month and he is only 50% responsible for financially supporting the child then this is the equivalent of trying to claim that the child costs £800 per month (unless of course like I claim the system isnt about provision but getting as much as humanly possible out of someone)

zagfles

AnxiousMum wrote: »

LOL - dressing as Batman and climbing up Big Ben doesn't exactly scream 'I'm a sane person' to me - but hey ho.

Custody and access are two more issues that in this country are sooooooooooo archaeic! Most other civilised countries prefer to award joint custody to both parents, and they do enforce access. In some countries, if one parent doesn't abide by the access arrangements, then kidnapping charges can be brought against that parent.

Yes, it's about time the same applied here. Friend of mine was seriously considering the "scaling Big Ben" type stunt, but his daughter's favourite character was Minnie Mouse so he'd have looked really silly

He got divorced 7 years ago, his daughter was 8 at the time and it was all amicable to start off with, there were no affairs or anything it's just they wanted different things out of life. For 2 years there were no problems, he paid the maintenance and no problems with contact, all on a casual basis whenever suited them all. Daughter was quite happy and not too affected by the split as she got to see both parents regularly.

But then he met someone else, that's when the problems started. His ex became insanely jealous (his new girlfriend was a lot younger and and an absolute stunner, think that may have had something to do with it!). She pulled every trick in the book so stop contact between father and daughter. He ended up having to spend several thousand to get a contact order, which she simply ignored, and the courts would do nothing about it. She convinced the daughter that her Dad was no longer interested in her any more now he's got a girlfriend, which was utter rubbish. She would rip up or destroy any letters, cards, presents he sent to his daughter. She threatened calling the police and lying about his being violent/threatening them if he ever tried to see her. The daughter was distraught and almost suicidal at one point.

Anyway the story has a happy ending (except for the mother!). Things changed when the daughter got a laptop, he got in touch via facebook, at first she wasn't interested as she believed her mother's lies, but he sent her a video showing him posting a letter addressed to her, as he'd done several times before. She never got the letter, but she rooted through the bins and found it torn into bits. Her Dad suggested not confronting her mother with this, so she never let on, and they started up an online relationship facebook, skype etc. Her mother knew nothing about this. They started meeting up - she'd say she was going round to a friend's. She became really good friends with his gf, who was amazing throughout, none of us could understand why a gorgeous young woman would be interested in an older bloke with so much "baggage"!

Now the daughter is nearly 16, and her plan is to walk out of the house on her 16th birthday and go live with her Dad and his gf.