'Wedding etiquette...' blog discussion

edited 28 April 2011 at 11:18AM in Martin's Blogs & Appearances & MoneySavingExpert in the News
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  • tara747tara747 Forumite
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    celyn90 wrote: »
    Because we got married in a snowcastle in Finland and the season was limited to certain dates as it would have melted :) It's impossible to relax when you are organising stuff, so although we saw a bit of Finland, it didn't feel like a holiday as we were organising beforehand and shattered afterwards! Our flights offered an extended transfer in Latvia so we took it, but again - it wasn't what we planned. OH proposed originally on a glacier in Iceland, so we wanted to go back for our honeymoon - but it isn't good for hiking in deep winter. We booked the honeymoon before the wedding, just left a few weeks in between as it's not good for us to have extended time off in one go (it's okay as far as we are concerned, but it's not fair on the students if we are absent for ages). When we booked the flights to Finland, we found we could take an extended layover, so took it as neither of us had been to Latvia.

    Iceland is wonderful; I'd really recommend it as a destination - it's a beautiful country :)

    What's a layover?
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  • StrappedStrapped Forumite
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    tara747 wrote: »
    :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

    I know a divorced woman who is a serious new relationship... I attended her first wedding and gave a very generous gift, the marriage was over within a year. For a second wedding I wouldn't be as generous! :cool:

    My husband had been married before, and had a huge first wedding with lots of expensive gifts (which all went with the bride when she left him for one of the ushers a short time later!) When we married I didn't care about gifts, but I was quite disappointed that not many of his family travelled to our wedding because they'd already been to his first one :(.
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  • tara747tara747 Forumite
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    Strapped wrote: »
    My husband had been married before, and had a huge first wedding with lots of expensive gifts (which all went with the bride when she left him for one of the ushers a short time later!) When we married I didn't care about gifts, but I was quite disappointed that not many of his family travelled to our wedding because they'd already been to his first one :(.

    That is sad. Family is family and all that.

    In this case the woman also kept the gifts, despite the fact that she was the one who later cheated on him :eek:... that's why I would be less generous with her next time round.
    Get to 119lbs! 1/2/09: 135.6lbs 1/5/11: 145.8lbs 30/3/13 150lbs 22/2/14 137lbs 2/6/14 128lbs 29/8/14 124lbs 2/6/17 126lbs
    Save £180,000 by 31 Dec 2020! 2011: £54,342 * 2012: £62,200 * 2013: £74,127 * 2014: £84,839 * 2015: £95,207 * 2016: £109,122 * 2017: £121,733 * 2018: £136,565 * 2019: £161,957 * 2020: £197,685
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  • StrappedStrapped Forumite
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    tara747 wrote: »
    That is sad. Family is family and all that.

    In this case the woman also kept the gifts, despite the fact that she was the one who later cheated on him :eek:... that's why I would be less generous with her next time round.

    I think the women always keep the gifts...and everything else :D
    They deem him their worst enemy who tells them the truth. -- Plato
  • JulieGeorgianaJulieGeorgiana Forumite
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    Primrose wrote: »
    What I find most offensive of all, and I've noticed it happening increasingly these days is that the bridal couple then don't even bother to write a "thank you" letter for the gift after the wedding. That is just plain bad manners and leaves a very bad taste in the mouth, especially when people may have spent money they couldn't really afford on the gift. After one wedding we attended without a "thank you" letter, I had to write to the couple twice to ask if they actually received the gift, as it was selected from a departmental store's gift list. I only got a reply when I wrote to tell them I was going to make a complaint to the store that the wedding present I'd selected obviously hadn't been delivered.

    Agreed!

    Then again I had Thank you cards printed (to match the invitations) and wrote notes (on matching note paper) to thank everyone. I did this the day after the wedding (yes, while on my honeymoon) and people criticised this....!

    But I thought that taking an hour or so to write the notes showed how much I appreciated their gifts, we were so very lucky.
    Strapped wrote: »
    My husband had been married before, and had a huge first wedding with lots of expensive gifts (which all went with the bride when she left him for one of the ushers a short time later!) When we married I didn't care about gifts, but I was quite disappointed that not many of his family travelled to our wedding because they'd already been to his first one :(.

    I had this problem... my parents were like 'why do we need to attend, we were at the first one...' :mad:

    Yet they actually liked him this time.... :cool:
    We spend money we don't have, on things that we don't need, to impress people we don't like. I don't and I'm happy!
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  • StrappedStrapped Forumite
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    Agreed!

    Then again I had Thank you cards printed (to match the invitations) and wrote notes (on matching note paper) to thank everyone. I did this the day after the wedding (yes, while on my honeymoon) and people criticised this....!

    But I thought that taking an hour or so to write the notes showed how much I appreciated their gifts, we were so very lucky.



    I had this problem... my parents were like 'why do we need to attend, we were at the first one...' :mad:

    Yet they actually liked him this time.... :cool:

    OMG, your parents? :eek: That's rough. (Mind you mine complained about having to travel rather than having the wedding where they lived but there's always something lol).
    They deem him their worst enemy who tells them the truth. -- Plato
  • jgrigglejgriggle Forumite
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    When we got married we made no mention of gifts in the invites, as that's a bit rude in my opinion.

    But you do need to recognise that the majority of people do want to buy a gift, and you owe it to them to make it as easy as possible to find out what you prefer.

    All you have to do is let your immediate family know what you'd prefer as that's who everyone will ask. That way your preferences will filter through the grapevine, and no-one will get offended by 'demands' for certain gifts.

    Of course, when it comes to weddings, the etiquette is a complete minefield. No matter what you do, you're always going to upset somebody so the best thing to do what you feel is right.

    It's NEVER acceptable not to write thank-you cards though.
  • jethro08jethro08 Forumite
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    I am getting married next year I have been living with my OH for over 2 years and have had to make do with secondhand or broken things as our mortgage & bill take most of our money.

    We will be having a gift list as at least we will recieve what we want and there will be some expensive things on the list, like a new vaccum cleaner. But I know that both of our work colleagues will have a collection for us and give us vouchers so that we can purchase the expensive stuff ourselves.

    I also plan onputting in the thank you cards what we have brought with the vouchers or cash, as I think it is always polite to let people know what you have spent their money/vouchers on.

    I have been to many weddings and prefer to have a gift list so that I know what to the bride & groom.
    Engaged 31/12/2010 Getting married on 22/06/2012 :p
  • JimmyTheWigJimmyTheWig Forumite
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    Was thinking about this, and what I think is rude is asking for a contribution towards the honeymoon that is happening straight away - i.e. asking guests to pay for something that is already booked. That's saying that you expect (or even need!) them to contribute.
    If it's money for extras during the honeymoon or for a honeymoon at a later date (or money for something else not yet booked) then that's fine by me.
  • villanovavillanova Forumite
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    I, too, feel happy to take a gift to a wedding, and would rather get something that the couple actually want.
    I've seen two reasonable solutions recently. One couple asked for B&Q vouchers as they had a lot of DIY to do (that way you know your money will be spent on something lasting & not just paying Tuesday's shopping bill); another couplre priced up items on their honeymoon, so contributors 'bought' their hire car, a day of snorkelling etc, (all organised by the groom's mother) which enabled them to afford a break in Hawaii.
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