Daughter worried about her friend.

joeblack066

My DD (14) has a friend of the same age, who goes into town every weekend to hang round with much older teens. She has a 17yo boyfriend, and tells my DD tales of games they all play such as "Boob Slapping", and how another boy thinks it's funny to throw her over his shoulder, then onto a bed and pretend to rape her. DD has asked if her friend is having sex with the boyfriend, and got a sarcastic Nooooo for a reply.
The mother is a heavy drinker, and I am aware that this girl has had no boundaries for a long time now. Dad lives with new partner and baby.
My gut feeling is to call Social Services, but I am worried that this could all come back on DD, who has had problems with bullying at school and is just beginning to settle down.
What do other parents think I should do?

Plans_all_plans

How well do you know the girl? Is it something you could bring up with your DD and friend when they are at yours? Maybe make up that you'd seen a story about something similar in the paper/on YouTube/whatever recently and you wanted them to know they should be careful around older boys who are often only after one thing and can be disrespectful to silly younger girls.

I'm not sure about social services involvement myself as I'm not sure what it'd achieve. You could make an anonymous call and ask whether they have any advice for you.

I would also tell my daughter to steer well clear of her friend. I wouldn't be happy at alli if my daughter was mixing with girls like this (I feel sorry for the girl as she doesn't know any better, but I wouldn't want my daughter dragged down with her or seen as fair game by association by the older lads!)

meritaten

I think you should be ensuring your daughter is NOWHERE near her friend on weekends.
Call Social Services, but this girl is 14 and is voluntarily playing these games. Sad to say, but I would be more worried about her influence on YOUR daughter!

ali-t

OP, you could phone your daughters school and speak to her guidance teacher who can speak to the girl's guidance teacher as there may be other concerns and this may add to them.

McKneff

meritaten wrote: »

I think you should be ensuring your daughter is NOWHERE near her friend on weekends.
Call Social Services, but this girl is 14 and is voluntarily playing these games. Sad to say, but I would be more worried about her influence on YOUR daughter!

Gotta agree with this one........

Nimeth

OP, I'm afraid I can't offer much advice other than what others have already said, but I hope that you find a solution you are comfortable with.

And for what it's worth, I don't think rape, even just pretend rape, is funny in the slightest.

choccymoose

sounds similar to some of the alleged activity under investigtion in the current complex child abuse case in Torbay !! Maybe alert her to the implications there could be on the men for instigating this type of activity! Further information coming out about the case is that the girls involved were under 16 and the majority of them from vulnerable backgrounds, drink and drugs involved. This girl needs help in some way, she is from a vulnerable backgound with a single parent who, from what OP says, drinks a lot. Just because she is 14 does not mean that she can't be being exploited or abused.

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-News/Sexual-Abuse-Investigation-Launched-And-Man-Charged-By-Devon-Police-Amid-Exploitation-Claims/Article/201102315934108?lpos=UK_News_Top_Stories_Header_3&lid=ARTICLE_15934108_Sexual_Abuse_Investigation_Launched_And_Man_Charged_By_Devon_Police_Amid_Exploitation_Claims

joeblack066

Oh she only sees her in school! There's no way she'd be allowed out withher!
If the school was helpful I would approach them. However I witnessed kids throwing stones at an elderly lady from the school bus, and they stated that it was nothing to do with school, so I doubt they'd help with this.
DD and her other friends have voiced their concerns to this girl, but she thinks she's so cool with it all. The mother is allowing her to go camping with the bf in the summer! I guess it's something we can't do anything about, you can't save people from themselves can you?!

meritaten

Thats true joeblack. and as your daughter has discussed this with you quite openly - then she sounds sensible. I feel sorry for this girl but, your girl takes priority. You cannot do much about your daughter seeing this girl in school - and if the girl has been kind to her I understand why daughter thinks of her as a friend. Your daughter has a good heart.
Ask your daughter if she thinks phoning Social Services would be a good thing. discuss this with her as adults would. your daughter may come to the conclusion that her friend would not appreciate interference (I bet she wouldnt) and that although she is nice to your daughter - your daughter does NOT have to approve of her lifestyle! I went to a tough school and one of the biggest slags was also the main reason no-one was bullied while she was around! she hated it! she was in my class but although intelligent just did enough to keep the teachers happy. I liked her - she was fun and very moral in some ways - but she would sleep with anyone!
I think this one is down to you and your daughter what you do.
Some people have a different morality to others.

Becles

Just another angle - is the friend telling the truth, or just exaggerating to make herself look cool?

Sometimes teenagers make things up just to make themselves look cool or for attention. My son is 14 and I sometime see things on his Facebook wall written by him and his friends and I know fine well they are not true!

choccymoose

does your daughter have links with any of the youth workers in your area, they may be able to intervene and instigate a CAF assessment to help this girl with her home situation, would take the problem off your daughter with out you or her actually informing the authorities. Also takes the situation away from the school environemnt.