Am i just being a jealous sibling?

cantcope

Hi I wonder if i can get some views on this....

Some of you may know i have lots of debt to my parents and am trying hard to pay it back as quick as i can. At the moment it will take roughly 3 years.
However, a few months back they agreed i could move home which would mean i could clear my debt in a year, at which time i would then move out again.

This was dependant on my brother moving in with a girlfriend (long story, she's meant to be coming into money, hes moving in with her when she does).

I've now handed in my notice at the flat i rent and it has been put up for sale.

Turns out it looks like he may not be gone by the time i have to move out so i will need to find somewhere else to rent again pay another bond, admin fee etc.

I spent most of last night crying because i feel so hard done by. My brother doesnt work and has quite honestly said he doesnt want a job. He is rude and abusive to my parents, has broken every house rule they have, doesnt help them and also owes them money. I on the other hand, work my butt off and am always helping my parents with odd things, shopping, cooking, etc

I have a good relationship with my parents but i cant help feeling like they should ask him to leave rather than make me pay extortianate rent again.

I'm thinking its wrong to feel like this but I just cant help it. Any views or advice would be gratefully recieved.

emmaBZ

if it was me i your situation id feel the same ....but on the same hand you cant expect them to chuck him out on the street !! can you not move in whilst hes there ?

Dumyat

so you want them to help you but not him?
I know you say he has not been a perfect house guest but your parents are caught in an impossible position now. is there no way you can move in? a friend who could put you up short term?

thing is...do you think his move might not go ahead now?

cantcope

There is no room for me to move in as he is in my old bedroom and his old room is full with a computer, tumble dryer, all their clothes etc.

I understand they are in an impossible situation but he has been "moving out" since last Christmas now. (Not sure it will ever happen if i'm honest). We have never met this girl and he seems to think she is the answer to all his prayers even though he hasnt seen her for 2 years either!

If he was working then i dont think i would feel like this but he just wont get a job and assumes the world owes him a living. He does pays them minimal rent out of his evergrowing overdraft.

I just feel like i surrendered my lease on their advise and now i'm gonna get stuffed for it. I've moved twice already this year.

Maybe i'm just being childish and should be happy that he can doss around on the computer all day and night and get away with it.

Dumyat

no I see your point. I'd be annoyed too.
might be cheaper option to pay for storage for all the stuff in his bedroom than another lease for you. would that be an option? doesnt sound like he's going anywhere fast. seems a bit unfair he is hogging two rooms and you are homeless.

edit...checked u store site...says from £15 a week.

cantcope

Yes we have spoken about storing their things in my grandads garage with all my furniture but then yesterday when i was there they said i'd better start looking for another flat in January. I have to be out of here by feb 3rd.

Anyway, I'd better get off the laptop for a while. I have to bake 2 dozen gingerbread men/cookies for my mums MS group.

Will be back later to see if anyone else has some words of wisdom for me.

Thanks for replies so far x

mrcow

Hi Cantcope

I don't mean to sound silly, but have you spoken to your parents about your predictament with regards to finding a new place and the money that it will involve?

If it's only stuff that is cluttering the other bedroom then there is always solutions to these types of problems. You said that you have a good relationship with your parents, I'm sure that they'd want to come to some sort of compromise if they knew how much this was going to affect you.

With regards to your brother.......what can I say! You can't change him now and you never will. He'll move out (eventually?) or perhaps not, you don't have any control over his actions and it's certainly not worth falling out over.

The bottom line is there is a bedroom for you in the house, but perhaps it needs some reorganisation.

Take care.

Scarlett1

cantcope I have been in a similar situation myself once upon a time so I sympathise. Can your parents not tidy up the junk room and make it more into a bedroom for you to sleep in maybe if you suggest it they might do it and make room for you, even if you only have enough room for a blow up bed its somewhere for you to live

elona

Am I the only person who thinks the brother's girlfriend does not exist - or at least that the chance of his moving in with her is nil?

He does notsound like a "catch".

Gabriel-Ernest

I'm sorry for your situation. It does sound as if they're now closing the door to you if they have rejected the possibility of storing his things. If he hasn't seen this girl for 2 years, he won't be moving in with her, trust me - she must know he would be using her for her money and any sensible woman would run a mile. He has no incentive whatsoever to get a job or move. Unfortunately I think the only thing you can do is get somewhere else and not count on any help from their direction. It could be worse - 3 years to completely pay off a debt isn't impossible, just more lengthy than you were anticipating. Can you move into a houseshare instead of renting a flat alone?

shariatlanta

I sympathise, just wondering how old your brother is? Although I understand your parents are in a difficult position and wouldn't want to throw him onto the street it seems to me that all the time they are letting him get away with doing nothing he'll continue to act like a child. Maybe if they gave him an ultimatum he would have to get his act together.

My youngest DS left home at 19 then when he split with his girlfriend he moved back home, he'd given up his job so gave me nothing for his keep and has only been working for the past 6 months, he's now 22. I told him at the time he could move back once, he's now due to be moving in with current girlfriend in a couple of weeks and thats it, I'm giving him 3 months to see if it works out if after that time it doesn't then he will have to find somewhere else and not move back home, tough it maybe but sometimes thats whats needed.

I'm sure if you spoke to your parents they would understand and probably don't even realise that they are treating you differently, thats us parents for you, sometimes we need to have it spelt out for us,