Are these normal English Christmas traditions?

npsmama

DH is English, I am not.

My ILs have LOTS of little idiosyncrasies about Christmas and woe betide anyone who strays from them.

1. They don't just have Christmas gifts but also Father Christmas gifts, Christmas tree gifts as well as stockings. But the best bit is...not everyone gets all these gifts. Some people do, some don't (still haven't figured out who quailifies for what). Also a Father Christmas gift has to be of a certain catgegory (chocolate, box of Kleenex (seriously), tat). Likewise Christmas Tree gifts and stockings are of certain types.

I get it wrong every year.


2. Christmas gifts are something you have specifically asked for on your Christmas list. No surprises are acceptable. They have to amount to the same cost for each person. So if you find something half-price you then have to give that person something extra up to the value of the agreed value (this seems to conflict with the no surprises rule to me). The other consequence of this is that as you are only told a few weeks in advance what you are to buy you can never get stuff in the sales.

3. There is ettiquette about wrapping paper.

4. If you can't find the aforementioned gift you have been instructed to buy, the receiver buys it, you pay them. They hand you the gift before Christmas and you have to wrap it up and place it under the tree. You must never on any account wrap your own gift.

5. Christmas cards are of utmost importance. They are analysed for brand, origin, signature, colour of ink...and displayed in certain areas of the home depending on the sender. A detailed list is kept and has been kept for many years of who sent what, when and what date it arrived. MIL and PIL refer back to previous years' lists to analyse them in light of this year's list. I caused a huge surprise when it transpired that I do not keep a list of who sends me one. (I do have a list of who to send one to).

6. spouses must never open each others presents infront of anyone else. So, for example, my gift to DH cannot go under the tree. I have to give it to him when we're alone. And no showing it to anyone.


7. when we travel to them for Christmas we are expected to bring all the Christmas cards we have received. The MIL goes through them, asking who sent what and when. She got very offended last year bc DH forgot to bring her card (ie the one she had written to us). I still don't understand what the big deal was.

There are more but these are a few.

Are these normal English traditions?
Are these people normal (believe me they have many other non-Christmas idiosyncrasies that run their lives and ours)?

tr3mor

No, they're not normal! I hope your husband doesn't think this is normal! :eek:

CFC

These people are in no way normal. These traditions sound like their own family traditions, lots of English families have their own little traditions, but theirs sounds waaaay left field.

When I was a kid, we did indeed have Father Christmas presents, they were of course from mum and dad, but I didn't know that - they were at the foot of the bed when we woke up. A big present from mum and dad came in the afternoon after Christmas dinner, and those were under the tree.

Some people do indeed have tree gifts, often little things wrapped and popped into the tree.

piglet6

:santa2: Hi there npsmama! :santa2:

Wow - poor you, having to get your head around all those rules...:eek: Well, I'm English,as is my OH, and we don't adhere to all the rules that your in-laws seem to...(!!)

I guess we all have our own traditions, irrespective of nationality, and everyone is different (although if thats what you have grown up with, then its "normal" to you, and doesn't seem so strange and extreme!). For example, my family do have presents from Father Christmas (i.e. my parents always sign some of our pressies from him, and we always sign some of our pressies to them from him ). We also have tree pressies - but the only rule on these is that they are small enough to sit in the tree without risk of breaking any branches(:p). Mr P's family just give presents from family to family - Santa and tree presents aren't done. As we tend to spend Christmas morning with my parents and his parents arrive in the afternoon, we just deal with the issue separately and it works...! (P.S. If it makes you feel any better, my family also send presents from the pets - not that we buy any extra - just one small thing is signed from the cat, etc!:rolleyes:).

Wrapping paper - my MIL wraps presents beautifully; I wrap them to the best of my ability (which doesn't often involve hidden sellotape and matching ribbons and bows!). But again, we respect each other's differences - after all, its whats inside and the thought that goes into it that counts...

Cards... I'm afraid I don't understand this one! We open our cards at home (because they arrives there!:rotfl:) and we keep them and display them at home. I tend to put family and close friends on the mantlepiece (prime display spot, I guess - but mainly because they are the people who mean most to me; nothing to do with what type of card they are) but we don't take them visiting with us and if our visitors look at them when they are at our house, it tends to be general interest/nosiness, catching up on news from our friends from school/university that they knew/met and not in a "grading them out of 10" sort of sense!!:rolleyes:

Occasionally we might ask if there is something specific that people want, but it tends to be ask mum ideas for dad and vice versa - purely because we would rather buy them something they would like, and obviously the person they live with is the person who is most likely to witness them seeing something in a shop and commenting that they like it - for example, this year my dad told me that my mum had seen a boxed set of Audrey Hepburn films that she mentioned she thought was really nice. I would never have thought of this (I didn't realise my mum was such a fan!) but have bought it for her and I am pleased for the hint because I know she will love it, but not expect it from us (if that makes sense!).

Spouses not opening things in front of others...?!?! Well, we don't do this either, but only because we tend to swap pressies when we first wake up and are still in bed (and now we are in our thirties, we tend to not invite mum and dad into bed with us for present opening(:rotfl:!!), but our presents are certainly not secret and our parents will most certainly ask us what we got from each other. To be honest, this just conjures up all sorts of naughty pictures about what your MIL and FIL exchange as pressies - probably best you don't even start to imagine it!!! :whistle:

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Try not to stress, and just enjoy the day. Over time you will get the hang of their little traditions - or, better still, introduce them to some of your's... _party_

Merry Christmas - I hope you have a fab one! :snow_grin

Piglet

Tuttifruitty_Theresa

erm no these are not normal english traditions or people, i was brought up to believe that you should be grateful and thankful for what you recieve - no matter what time of year it is. As regards to the christmas cards all i can say is wow!!! how strange and snobbish of them, i don't mean to sound rude but again they should be grateful that they receive cards as a lot of lonely and old people don't.

It does make me wonder why you can't open your spouse's present/s that he has bought you, have you ever asked why this is?


Theresa
xxxx

ps, i wish you lots of luck and patience this christmas as i think you may need it

boobless

definitely not normal, delusions of granduer perhaps - i think every family has there own traditions about gifts for the tree, when children were small we put small gifts in the tree and after each dinner item was eaten e.g brussells, carrots etc they could pick the tree for a gift - i have never bought presents on account i would get one back of the same value, always believed never give to receive but still love to have a surprise

*zippy*

ooh npsmama poor you, it sounds like you have a fun Christmas to look forward to.

My Mother also likes to read our Christmas cards

sarahlouise210

Its official............they are not normal !!! :eek: I would be seriously disturbed! Poor you ! My ex family had a tradition of a present and a tree present....I obliged their silly ways for a few years but then got fed up of the expense and just how silly it all was. It did not go down well ..........we are no more!!:D

Becles

My Mam has a thing about gift wrap. It has to be expensive paper, perfectly folded, and then have bows, ribbons, wobbly things and all sorts attached to it. Things like tubes of sweets have to be wrapped as crackers and things like that too.

Me - I buy the cheap rolls of paper and don't bother with bows and stuff. As a true MSE, I can't see the point of spending a fortune on wrapping that is going to get ripped off and binned. I'd rather spend more on the actual present than the wrapping!

Do what you feel most comfortable doing.

MissBehaving

We have a tradition in our house which is sooooo not normal.

After Christmas dinner, we roll up the cardboard crackers and try and hit everyones flimsy hats of their heads!
OH thought he was going to be killed the first time he sat at our table!

Bossyboots

No this is not normal as has been said.

I am appalled at the idea of you being expected to take your Christmas cards for them to inspect. Cards of any sort are a personal item and no-one else has a right to demand that that they should see them. I'm afraid I would simply start my own tradition of NOT taking them with me.

Like piglet, I put cards from the nearest and dearest together in a prominent place but again like piglet that is because of the connection to the people, not for any other reason.

I'm afraid I would also not be dictated to about when I could or couldn't open my OH's present.