How to help son - advice welcome

BitterAndTwisted

I maintained a school-friendship for 26 years before either of us had the time and funds to visit each other, and that was back in the days before transatlantic phone calls could be afforded.

I can't think of one reason on God's earth why your young man couldn't fly unaccompanied on a direct long-haul flight from here to Singapore. I did the same when my Dad was in the Armed Forces, travelling from boarding-school here in the UK from the age of about 9

pigpen

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I maintained a school-friendship for 26 years before either of us had the time and funds to visit each other, and that was back in the days before transatlantic phone calls could be afforded.

I can't think of one reason on God's earth why your young man couldn't fly unaccompanied on a direct long-haul flight from here to Singapore. I did the same when my Dad was in the Armed Forces, travelling from boarding-school here in the UK from the age of about 9

A lot of airlines specify they have to be over about 14 to fly alone

brummiebabe

I wouldn't be at all happy about him flying alone at his age. He's never even been on a plane (because we've never been able to afford it.)

I know they'll be able to keep in touch so easily, and I'll do all I can to encourage & allow that to happen. We're friends with the parents anyway, although not what I would call 'close' friends. You're all right that there's nothing to stop them staying friends, it's just not going to be what we were all expecting. I'm sure they'll be coming home for holidays anyway, as they have a lot of family/friends here. Sounds like the job is just too good an opportunity to miss....;)

Am not looking forward to the 'saying goodbye' stage, but it's something we'll deal with. Feel quite sorry for his friend, who will know nobody & have no friends at all - will be very hard at first I imagine.

daviecol

Unfortunately part of being a parent is having to watch your children go through painful physical and emotional issues.

As well as the good things that happen in life, these more difficult and challenging situations are just as important to develop self confidence.

It's very hard for a caring parent to watch our children go through these phases in life but these things continue to happen long after year 6.

My daughter (18) has just started her first full time job working 12 hour shifts in a care home. I worry all day that she's coping ok. Today she text me to say she was having to take an elderly man to hospital on her own as he was bleeding and she was upset and anxious. I've spent 3 hours worrying then she rang me laughing and saying everything was fine.

Like I said unfortunately part of being a parent is to spend the rest of your life worrying about your children, and yet they cope much better than we think every time.

barbiedoll

My best friend moved to the other end of the country when we were 17, it was worse than a divorce! We used to write every week, I would ring her from work almost every day (until they got a huge phone bill and banned personal calls! :rotfl:) and we're still friends now. She was the first non-family member to see my baby, I was the first person she spoke to when her nan died, we've always stayed close, despite the physical distance between us, and we've just met up again for the first time in over 2 years.

It's terribly hard to see a friend move away, no matter what age you are. I'm sure your son will find other "best" friends but do encourage him to stay in touch with this one. You can't imagine him visiting Singapore now but in only a few years time, he will be working, earning his own money and he may want to save up for the holiday of a lifetime with his pal!

Bennifred

Much harder for the friend who is leaving - your son will know plenty of the other children at his new school, and coming home every day to his familiar house, etc, whereas his mate will have to cope with knowing no-one, new home, new and strange surroundings! Perhaps you could encourage your son to look at this situation from his friend's perspective, and get him to think of ways to support his friend rather than worrying about himself?

brummiebabe

I agree.....to be fair to my son he's not worrying about himself....it's me doing the worrying at the moment. I will encourage him to offer as much support to his friend as possible.;)

pigpen

possibly then a challenge for your son would be to find ways his friend could be happy in his new surroundings?

Take pics of them both together and make a collage for example.

How about a challenge where they both have £2 a month, or alternate months and for that they have to buy the other a gift and post it to one another? It might be fun!

brummiebabe

Pigpen - I think those are fantastic ideas!!! Thanks:)

Lunar_Eclipse

We've been through similar, but at slightly younger ages.

My eldest daughter lost her two best friends at the age of 7, within a month of each other, due to them both moving. One she has never seen again (lives in Devon), the other went to NZ and they've seen each other several times. I think they will always have a connection and see each other. Emotionally, she was fine at the time, but in hindsight I realise she missed her friends and was a bit 'lost' for at least six months and school wasn't quite the same until she moved to junior school.

My youngest, although outgoing and very popular, had a very best friend (think twin sister like) from day 1 of school, who recently left in Y4. Their lives were very intertwined, they spent 2 evenings a week and Saturdays doing various sports together. Her friend moved schools and she also stopped the sports activities at the same time. Big unexpected change. It was a very significant change for my daughter, but after the initial upset (which was heartbreaking to watch) she took it in her stride and has explored other friendships. School isn't quite the same (the change was in Jan), but she's coped brilliantly. It honestly hasn't caused any major issue even once.

Children are incredibly resiliant. His feelings are natural and it is a shame, but I'm quite sure he'll cope well. I have found that talking is a good idea and looking at the bigger picture, I think it's character building.

Singapore isn't a million miles away. Why do you say they will probably never see each other again? I would say the opposite, particularly if they wanted to keep in touch. I'm guessing one of his parents is from Singapore. There is a good chance though that this friend will come to England at some point in the future, surely. He could easily end up working in London, or flying through at some point. Never say never.