How to help son - advice welcome

brummiebabe

Hi

My son is in Y6, just about to do his SATS & starting senior school in September. We've just been told that his best friend (they've known each other since they were babies!!) is moving abroad in the next couple of months & is unlikely to come back at any point in the near future.

They were going to senior school together & were looking forward to moving on together. My son is upset, was crying before he went to sleep.....& I don't know what I can do to make it any easier.

I know he'll make new friends at senior school anyway, and he is a popular boy, but I'm worried how he's going to get on now. He's really going to miss his friend, and in all likelihood will never see him again...

Any advice? I'm so upset for him....

Blue_Monkey

Oh bless him

Perhaps help him get set up with Skype and an email address (if he hasn't already; I'm sure 11 year olds are more tech-savvy these days) so that they can stay in touch? There is no reason why they can't keep in touch with communications being the way they are now.

Perhaps saving some pocket money for a trip to visit his little pal one day is good way to learn about earning/saving money?

I would try to avoid the "you'll make new friends" line (not that you seem to have said it yet), but I remember my parents saying similar things to me and it's just not what you want to hear. He probably knows that in his heart of hearts, but he just wants his old pal, not new ones.

Best of luck

julesh_3

My children found new friends in high school even falling out with some from primary.He will be fine xx

brummiebabe

He will make new friends...I know that, but they've been friends for so long! Plus they would have helped each other to settle in at senior school.

Skype is something that we will look at for him, and there's always Facebook (when he's older) but I just feel so desperately sad for him.

I suppose he'll manage it in his own way. I've reassured him that it's ok to be sad & upset. I haven't said he'll make new friends, although that is something we've discussed anyway about senior school, so he knows that.

heretolearn_2

Ah poor lad. Not much you can do, he needs to go through what he's feeling. He should perk up a bit once he starts making new friends at senior school. The skype idea is a good one.

Becles

Poor lad! One of mine is currently upset as his best friend has gone on holiday to Australia for three weeks and he's missing him like crazy!

Has he got any days to look forward to with the senior school in the summer term?

In the June/July time, my boys went for three different days with the senior school. They got the whole intake together at a neutral location and they all did team building exercises and stuff and just got to know each other. Then they spent two full days at the school with the people in their new tutor group, and got to know their way around school, meet teachers and make friends. Both my boys really enjoyed the days and swapped contact details with their new friends and got to know them a bit more over the summer holidays. Encourage him to swap details with people so he can chat over the holidays.

I know you said he's a bit young for Facebook, but loads of younger bairns are on it. I was a bit reserved but gave in and it's been a good tool for socialising with. You need to teach him how to use it responsibly and I've got the passwords for my sons accounts. They know I can read their walls and could log in and check if I wanted to.

Hope he makes some new friends and feels happier soon.

brummiebabe

The senior school are doing a least 2 days before the end of term, so he will have the chance to get used to it. He does have another good friend going there & knows some of the older lads so I know he'll be ok, it's more about the fact that it's his best friend who won't be around. Even if they'd gone to different senior schools, they could have seen each other out of school, but he just won't 'see' him anymore:(

BitterAndTwisted

Poor little chap. However, the more upset or worried you appear to your son the more stressed and worried he will become. Being apart doesn't have to mean the end of a friendship and your son is about to learn some valuable lessons about maintaining relationships.

Put a brave face on it and enumerate all of the positive benefits of having a pal living abroad. Get some library books out about where his pal is going. Get Skype. Encourage him to start a savings-plan to visit.

FBaby

My children have just moved to a new town, I am still driving her every day to her old school, but will be in the local high school from September, and so away from all her friends and more importantly the best friend she had since reception and been glued to since. At the beginning, she was very upset, cried a few times at school. Her teacher was very good and gave her comfort, and I said everything I could to make it better for her. In the end, there are no miracles, only time heals the pain, all we can do is show that we understand. She now only has a few months left with her friends and she is totally ok with it. We visited the school, she started going to the holiday club there, and she is ready to turn the page and is actually looking forward to it, although of course still a bit anxious as she will know no-one.

brummiebabe

To be fair, my DS seems to be handling the situation very well today. We've spoken about Skype, Facebook & everything else, and he seems fine. I know the end of term is going to be very difficult for them all anyway, and in some ways I'm glad it's happening at this stage, when they're building upto moving away from friends, familiar schools etc.

As for him saving to go there......it would take him forever!!! It's Singapore that they're going to!!!! Apparently his friends parents have told him that they'll pay for him & one of us to go & visit.....but I've told him that's probably unlikely...and was probably said to help his friend adjust & accept things.

Thanks for the advice x

pigpen

When my aunt was young (14) her best friend in the whole world who she had been friends with since they were 3 and started nursery moved to New Zealand with her family.. They kept in touch by letter sending photographs as they grew up of themselves and then their weddings, then their children.. 35 YEARS later the friend came over to the UK for a month and stayed with my aunt.

If they could maintain contact in an age when emails and facebook and suchlike didn't exist I am sure our son and his friend can stay in touch too.

I don't allow my younger ones to have FB (age limit is about 14 anyway I think) but I think for your DS I would let him have it and just have this 1 friend added, and yourself.. so you could monitor what he was doing.. Or add his parents to yours and the boys can chat on there...

Could you plan a holidays meetup? All descend on a single destination and mett up at some point in the future or they can plan a holiday together when they are grown up enough to go alone.

He will be fine and adapt really quickly.

My girls went to high school without any of their friends and soon had new ones so he will settle