Surrogacy on a Budget ?

john9to5

Hi Everyone,
I think this maybe be a subject thats maybe not be disucssed but really want to see what peoples opinions are on it or any tips or if anyone has ever done this before.

Myself and my partner feel after much discussion and thought that we want to share our love with a beautiful baby. We both work full time and have a mortgage etc so we have spare cash and we do live a good life but sadly for us having a baby isnt easy (we wish it was), for us to have a baby we will need to do some form of surrogacy or adoption (my partner does not want to go through adoption) , so for surrogacy we understand we can have this done in a variety of countries but even in the cheapest instance it would be at least £20,000 if not more. I know its so horrible talking about money when it comes to babies but sadly thats the way it is. Even in the UK surrogacy is allowed but costs have to be paid for the mother like hospital visits etc which is understandable yet this can still be around £7000. We are really desperate for a baby and have so much to give it. We have a comfortable home and lifestyle but just not the capital to spend on it. I was wondering is there anyway that a normal gay loving couple could possibly have a baby ? ( i know this is probably a no) but we have no family or anything or friends we could ask for the money or for them to do it so really at a dead end !

just wonderd if anyone had any knowledge on the situation or anything ?


P.S Why cant it be as easy as those girls on Jeremy Kyle lol !!!!


Any comments/help would be much appreciated x

onlyroz

Let me get this right - you're a male gay couple? What exactly are your objections to adoption? Seems that it would be a lot simpler than surrogacy.

penguin7

Hope you wont mind me asking, but are you and your partner a gay couple?

fannyanna

I really do hope that this thread doesn't turn into an attack on the morals of gay couples being parents!

john9to5

Yes we are a gay couple (sorry if I didnt make it clear ! lol)

And I hope it doesnt turn into an argument of morals too !


Regarding adoption, I have looked into adoption quite thoroughly and phoned various adoption agencies but my partner feels as if he wants 'his' baby like by using his sperm. Like having a baby would be the ultimate goal bringing it up from birth and really making it our own although I can understand adoption but I think we have more or less ruled that off the list.

rachbc

john9to5 wrote: »

I was wondering is there anyway that a normal gay loving couple could possibly have a baby ? ( i know this is probably a no)

Adoption and surrogacy are really your only choices...why has your partner written off the idea of adoption?

You aren't supposed to be able to make money from surrogacy in the UK and as care for pregnancy is on the NHS I'm not sure why expenses are £7k...but I guess there are some less than scrupulous definitions of expenses.

Do you have any female friends/ relatives who would surrogate for you?

pinkshoes

Obviously with surrogacy, you can only use the sperm of one of you, so are you both in agreement that this would be your partner? I'd still re-consider the adoption option.

john9to5

Hi rachbc,
Yeh i think these 'expenses' could certainly be strectched or loweered depending on the person who was the expensee lol, but from various surrogacy agencies etc in the UK it says you have to be willing to pay between 7-15k in regards to the surrogates expenses so god knows.

Most of my friends are either just starting their familys or have no family of their own so they are either trying for there own babies or (which i can completly understand) want to have their own babies before having anyone elses for them.

john9to5

Yes it would be my partners sperm pinkshoes, He is pretty adamant that he wants to use his sperm so at least the baby is part of us in some way or another .

jetta_wales

john9to5 wrote: »

Yes we are a gay couple (sorry if I didnt make it clear ! lol)

And I hope it doesnt turn into an argument of morals too !


Regarding adoption, I have looked into adoption quite thoroughly and phoned various adoption agencies but my partner feels as if he wants 'his' baby like by using his sperm. Like having a baby would be the ultimate goal bringing it up from birth and really making it our own although I can understand adoption but I think we have more or less ruled that off the list.

I don't think you should write off adoption, are there maybe forums where you can talk to other gay couples who have adopted or surrogated?

I really think you should make a lot of effort to pursued your partner not to block the option out all together if you really want a baby that much as it may end up being your only option if it's adopt and stay financiakply comfortable while raising your child or get hung on up on the biological aspect and then have a child plus a big chunk of debt to saddle your new little family with. And what if you think your child should have a sibling? If you don't think it's going to be easy to afford surogacy once then how could you ever do it twice? You'd have to accept that your baby will always be an only child or that you'll still end up having to adopt one day anyway.

Sorry if my post seems negatively really isn't meant to be but I'm just trying highlight the further dilemmas you need to consider if completely ruling out adoption.

littlerat

One major, major thing to consider. Only a week or 2 ago there was a fairly high profile case where a surrogate lady changed her mind and kept the baby and the biological father is on the hook for child support. Above all else, you do need to be aware that if it comes down to it, the courts won't take the child from it's mother if she wants to keep it - at which case the person who donated sperm can only try and apply for custody like any other father who's not with the mother, the other has absolutely no legal rights over the baby. I believe in the UK a mother cannot sign adoption papers for a child until it's 6 weeks old, so until then there's a chance of a problematic situation - it may be small, but it is there.

So surrogacy may not be an "easy" option.

Personally (although I have NO idea how common this view is, I may be an odd one out!) I fail to see why whose sperm hits the egg is at all relevant - I don't see why go through the potential problems of surrogacy when there's lots of kids without homes already?

But if it is important, do keep the above in mind.

Here's the link to the DT thread, that has a couple of links to the news stories about it. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3068018

No advice after that, so just wish you well whatever direction you take Just thought I'd share a bit of knowledge I've read