Divorce is a pain

Flee_2 · 14 April 2011 at 1:34PM

My divorce is getting ridiculous now. Two years almost since I left him, over 1 year since I started divorce proceedings, and still no closer to divorce.
I had a date of 31st March 2011 for when the divorce was going to court for the Decree Nisi, with a date of 13th May for when the Decree Nisis is made Absolute. Now I receive a letter from my solicitors saying that the court received my ancillary relief (money request) after the 6th April. My solicitor sent on the 29th March and supposedly it is next day delivery and he is saying that someone at the court is lying but that there is no point protesting.
There are new laws about divorce as of 6th April (surprise surprise why my application for ancillary relief was received a week after), which states that divorcees have to attend mediation up to 4 months before the divorce is made absolute.
I attended mediation last year on my own as ex-OH could not bothered to attend, but this is not applicable now and I have to attend again.
I have no idea when I am going to be divorced. Which leaves me in limbo with my house. I am paying a lot in rent £550 pcm and would like to cut £100 off this, but I will be paid out on the property I already have with ex-OH when divorce & money is sorted out. So do I leave it until my divorce comes through or do I move just for 6 months or so. I have seen so many cheap and decent family houses on the market recently that would be perfect for us, but it is just depressing that I am having to spend so much on the house I am in now and paying for this divorce to be dragged out longer and longer. There are no issues in the divorce, no one dragging their feet apart from solicitors.

Sorry for the rant but I cba with the divorce. Any advice would be welcome by people in same position.

pupsicola · 14 April 2011 at 3:45PM

Flee wrote: »

I had a date of 31st March 2011 for when the divorce was going to court for the Decree Nisi, with a date of 13th May for when the Decree Nisis is made Absolute. Now I receive a letter from my solicitors saying that the court received my ancillary relief (money request) after the 6th April. My solicitor sent on the 29th March and supposedly it is next day delivery and he is saying that someone at the court is lying but that there is no point protesting.

The only one lying here is your useless solicitor. Either he posted this correctly for next day delivery or he didn't. I doubt people at the court are lying. The reason he doesn't want to protest is because he knows full well he will be shown up to be the one at fault.

I would be down his office putting a rocket up his aris and telling him to sort it out. Good grief your divorce has dragged on so long.

Bet you are completely and utterly fed up hun. My divorce went through in less than 4 months and that felt like an absolute age.
The thought of getting as close to a decree nisi and then being told you have to attend mediation classes. Well Id have looked like :eek:

Id go above your solicitor actually and protest loudly. This case seems to have been mishandled badly.

celyn90 · 14 April 2011 at 4:20PM

If your solicitor sent it next day delivery, he would have a tracking number surely?

Ada_Doom · 14 April 2011 at 4:25PM

Ask your solicitor what the mediation is for. I work in the family section of a county court, and am aware of the changes to family proceedings but don't know about mediation in divorce proceedings. They have introduced mediation before childrens act proceedings, but I am unsure of what mediation would be needed half way through a divorce. Maybe it is to try and resolve the ancillary relief proceedings? I do know that when ancillary relief proceedings are issued the first appointmnet has to be given a hearing no sooner than 12 weeks time and no later than 16 weeks, and most solicitors would advise not to proceed to absolute stage until the money bits are sorted out. And no, court staff are not in the habit of lying about when post is recieved!

Ada_Doom · 14 April 2011 at 4:31PM

If there are no issues in the divorce, ask your solicitor to draw up a consent order and then you will not have to go through lengthy ancillary relief proceedings. These tend to be done by couples who do not agree with how they are going to sort out the money side of things. I don't normally agree with the general perception that solicitors are just out to squeeze money from their clients but in your case I would be questionning why mediation is needed. And who provides the mediation? Your solicitors? What is their charge?

Plans_all_plans · 14 April 2011 at 4:44PM

Flee wrote: »

Sorry for the rant but I cba with the divorce. Any advice would be welcome by people in same position.

Well if you don't get divorced, I believe that legally your husband would still be classed as your next of kin (in terms of being able to make decisions on your behalf if you had an accident etc)

Someone will correct me if I'm wrong, but I wouldn't want someone I'd broken up with to have that power and I'd be persevering if I were in your shoes.

xtcc · 14 April 2011 at 4:45PM

Ada_Doom wrote: »

And no, court staff are not in the habit of lying about when post is recieved!

Not lying no but from my experience they do make mistakes.

Dealing with two divorces at the moment.

Mine - they sent me a date for the nisi and then the
"lost in post " D10 turned up and they sent me all the paper work on how to apply for the nisi even though it had gone to that stage already.

They got the wedding date wrong on the nisi.

My OH's divorce - the court staff insisted and insisted,that his ex hadn't been in to swear the affidavit, but she had!! the grief that caused you would not believe. Turns out the court clerk had put the case before the judge instead of going through the normal process. This worked in his favour though, the divorce has been fast tracked lol

Winnie_in_Pooh · 14 April 2011 at 5:30PM

Sounds to me like the solicitor is enjoying your fees too much! Are the financial issues in dispute between you and ex-OH? If not, like Ada Doom says, get a consent order drawn up rather than going through lengthy ancilliary relief proceedings. Not only will it be quicker but it will probably be considerably cheaper too. Do make sure the financial issues are sorted before absolute is applied for though, if not it can affect pension rights etc.

Flee_2 · 14 April 2011 at 7:29PM

I have not even got to discussing money issues. He had said to me that he wanted to get the divorce through to the court and then put through the ancillary relief when a date came through for decree nisi. I will speak to him about the consent order first.

Thanks to everyone who responded. I am so unsure about whether things are going as they should.

celyn90 · 14 April 2011 at 8:00PM

Flee wrote: »

I have not even got to discussing money issues. He had said to me that he wanted to get the divorce through to the court and then put through the ancillary relief when a date came through for decree nisi. I will speak to him about the consent order first.

Thanks to everyone who responded. I am so unsure about whether things are going as they should.

I thought it was more normal for money to be sorted between nisi and absolute? Mediation is normally enncouraged as well - mainly to avoid stuff ending up in court that shouldn't. It seems pretty normal to me to be honest; just sit it out, you'll be fine.

OHs divorce was mucky, took over three years to be sorted out and cost him over 6K in legal fees (no kids, no assests, no money, he took the debt, marriage less than 5 years). Be thankful it's amicable, they can get really really vicious if one party decides to make it so.