Living with a friend

stella65

This is a genuine post - so please do not shoot me down in flames

After many years of ill health, I have moved aread and recently moved in with a friend of the opposite sex

I am at the moment on ESA - and have an interview at my new Jobcentre soon for an interview regarding my living arrangements.

I know a lot of people may go throught this - and some may be taking the pee - but I am not.

I was living in an area, that was subject to break-ins and vandalisim, most of my family and friends have moved away, and so my 'support network' had diminished.

The friend I am living with - is not on any benefits, as they work (but are a single parent - NOT MY CHILD).

We do not have any real set rules or regulations regarding out set up - I just give my friend money when I can.

I do not want to be like this forever - but I must say that it is nice to have the company, after living on my own for many years.

I also have friends in the area - so they are at hand, should I need any assitance.

I have already talked to the Jobcentre on the phone - regarding the interview and they seemed helpful, and understanding - but even they admitted that even though it is 2011 - different sexes living together is not really believable.

Is it really unheard of in today's society - to live with a friend, and have to prove that we are not in a realtionship??

I feel that it is an insult to my intelligence - and my friends!!!

So - I probably have to prove what we share etc. And I have no hard or fast answers - because at the moment, we are just plodding along with it

Any views?

dseventy

stella65 wrote: »

This is a genuine post - so please do not shoot me down in flames

After many years of ill health, I have moved aread and recently moved in with a friend of the opposite sex

I am at the moment on ESA - and have an interview at my new Jobcentre soon for an interview regarding my living arrangements.

I know a lot of people may go throught this - and some may be taking the pee - but I am not.

I was living in an area, that was subject to break-ins and vandalisim, most of my family and friends have moved away, and so my 'support network' had diminished.

The friend I am living with - is not on any benefits, as they work (but are a single parent - NOT MY CHILD).

We do not have any real set rules or regulations regarding out set up - I just give my friend money when I can.

I do not want to be like this forever - but I must say that it is nice to have the company, after living on my own for many years.

I also have friends in the area - so they are at hand, should I need any assitance.

I have already talked to the Jobcentre on the phone - regarding the interview and they seemed helpful, and understanding - but even they admitted that even though it is 2011 - different sexes living together is not really believable.

Is it really unheard of in today's society - to live with a friend, and have to prove that we are not in a realtionship??

I feel that it is an insult to my intelligence - and my friends!!!

So - I probably have to prove what we share etc. And I have no hard or fast answers - because at the moment, we are just plodding along with it

Any views?

No one has accused you of anything yet, the interview is to work out whats going on.

I think its fair and reasonable for them to check whats going on to see if you are a couple, otherwise everyone would say "We are just friends" and claim single benefits.

As to the "its an insult to my intelligence" comment, well you asked for the intervention in your life.

You went to the state and said "I can't make income because I am ill, can you give me one" and they have said "yes, subject to our rules".

Thems the rules, you asked for the intervention, you can't complain about it when it happens!

If you didn't claim money off the state it would be no-ones business!

D70

KxMx

Is there any way you could officialy be classed as a lodger?

RAS

stella65 wrote: »

IWe do not have any real set rules or regulations regarding out set up - I just give my friend money when I can.

We have had a number of people woprrying about shared accomodation (at least one when the two people had a previous relationship but had new partners) and there has been no problem, but I anticipate problems with your arrangments.

If you have a proper lodging arrangment, with a defined payment on a regular basis, you should be OK.

if you give your friend money when you can, then that person IS supporting you financially and you may well be counted as a couple.

System

The guidelines the DWP use to classify who is living as a couple can be found here

http://www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/c1annxa.pdf

stella65

dseventy wrote: »

No one has accused you of anything yet, the interview is to work out whats going on.

I think its fair and reasonable for them to check whats going on to see if you are a couple, otherwise everyone would say "We are just friends" and claim single benefits.

As to the "its an insult to my intelligence" comment, well you asked for the intervention in your life.

You went to the state and said "I can't make income because I am ill, can you give me one" and they have said "yes, subject to our rules".

Thems the rules, you asked for the intervention, you can't complain about it when it happens!

If you didn't claim money off the state it would be no-ones business!

D70

I did not say that anybody had accused me. I said that I had called already to inform of my situation. Prior to this - I had actually written several letters detailing my situation too.

I also stated that some people may 'try it on' - and I can understand why they check up - but I am at a loss as to why they are doing so with me - cosidering they have a detailed insight into my health issues.

I NEVER ASKED THE INTERVENTION INTO MY LIFE - IT IS HAPPENING BECAUSE OF CHECK UPS, CUT BACKS AND LOOKING INTO FAKES ETC - and I was not complaining - merely seeking advice (is this not what this forum is for?)

As for claiming money off the state - I have worked since I was 13 - until recently!

stella65

RAS wrote: »

We have had a number of people woprrying about shared accomodation (at least one when the two people had a previous relationship but had new partners) and there has been no problem, but I anticipate problems with your arrangments.

If you have a proper lodging arrangment, with a defined payment on a regular basis, you should be OK.

if you give your friend money when you can, then that person IS supporting you financially and you may well be counted as a couple.

I can see your point - but it is not fair for us to be seen as a couple when we are not. It is not easy just to get on with life is it?

The thing is - everybody is different, and people have to take a route/life which could help them.

I do not want to bleat about my whole situation on here - but unfortunately the past couple of years have not been kind to me with health and bereavement - so a kind friend took me in. That is not a crime

viktory

stella65 wrote: »

As for claiming money off the state - I have worked since I was 13 - until recently!

That's as maybe - but the point is you are claiming money off the state now. Tax and NI are not savings accounts. He who pays the piper...;)

System

I feel this is going to crop up more and more, especially with the LHA changes that mean under 35's only get the shared room rate.

It's happened to me. I moved house and had my benefits reassessed cos i dared move in with a friend of the opposite sex :eek: still waiting to see if they are going to come visit me.

stella65

viktory wrote: »

That's as maybe - but the point is you are claiming money off the state now. Tax and NI are not savings accounts. He who pays the piper...;)

I understand that - but I am not a scrounger - so I was just pointing out that I am not

stella65

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I feel this is going to crop up more and more, especially with the LHA changes that mean under 35's only get the shared room rate.

It's happened to me. I moved house and had my benefits reassessed cos i dared move in with a friend of the opposite sex :eek: still waiting to see if they are going to come visit me.

Thank you for your advice. I am a bit surprised at some of the back-lash I have had on here