Mentally ill husband being obstructive what would you do?

zzzLazyDaisy

9shell wrote: »

He gets all his benefits incapacity benefit and the trimmings and is straight to the betting shop to fritter it away cushty in the knowledge that another tidy little sum will follow in due course and I'm being told that "he can do what he like with HIS money"

OP I am sorry for the difficult time you and your daughter are having, but you have to pick your battles.

Your Ex is on benefits. The law lays down that he must pay a flat rate of £5 a week for child maintenance, and yes, he is entitled to spend the rest of his income as he sees fit. Nothing you can do or say will change that.

You are using valuable energy needlessly if you allow yourself to get angry and frustrated about this. I know it is easy for me to say, but you need to accept that this is the law, and focus your energies on your daughter and the divorce proceedings.

9shell

Hello just wanted to pick your good brains once again please.

As previously mentioned due to my ex's gambling debts over the years my family have easily contributed thousands of pounds in support of myself and my children othwise I don't know how I would have managed. I can prove some of these contribution's particularly the mortgage and endowment which my dad took over for 7 yrs. I was surprised to learn that the Judge may not deem them that relevant when when deciding our case, my solicitor called these soft loan's. Can anyone shed a bit more light please, would this not tip the scales in my favour, what if I have to pay the money back for example? I'm due to see my solicitor tomorrow.

clubheadz

Hi, just wanted to wish you luck in sorting this out. I have had experience of this type of mental disorder from an associated family member and it is not nice.

In terms of Form E, parts 4.3, 4.4 and 4.5 of the form relate to contributions made (or being made) by a third party (your Dad in terms of the mortgage), behaviour (in certain situations) and extenuating circumstances where additional financial contributions are deemed necessary (your daughter). Just make sure that these sections were completed in full when you get a draft copy from your solicitor before they 'file' it at court. Also make sure your solicitor emphasises these points in court to the DJ (District Judge). Keep on top of your solicitor this type of work is 'easy money' in their eyes as it doesn't require a lot of additional legal work or arguement - it's there 'bread and butter' which can cost you dear!

Overall let the judge decide. I worked as a County Court for a number of years and the majority of District Judges are 'normal' people who will balance all of the factors before making a decision. Good luck although I think you stand a good chance.

9shell

clubheadz wrote: »

Hi, just wanted to wish you luck in sorting this out. I have had experience of this type of mental disorder from an associated family member and it is not nice.

In terms of Form E, parts 4.3, 4.4 and 4.5 of the form relate to contributions made (or being made) by a third party (your Dad in terms of the mortgage), behaviour (in certain situations) and extenuating circumstances where additional financial contributions are deemed necessary (your daughter). Just make sure that these sections were completed in full when you get a draft copy from your solicitor before they 'file' it at court. Also make sure your solicitor emphasises these points in court to the DJ (District Judge). Keep on top of your solicitor this type of work is 'easy money' in their eyes as it doesn't require a lot of additional legal work or arguement - it's there 'bread and butter' which can cost you dear!

Overall let the judge decide. I worked as a County Court for a number of years and the majority of District Judges are 'normal' people who will balance all of the factors before making a decision. Good luck although I think you stand a good chance.

Clubheadz, thank you for bringing these points to my attention. Your response has prompted me to be a little more firm with my solicitor because thinking about it she appeared to be playing down the difficult circumstances we had to endure. I mentioned to her that I have documented evidence of the extent of his violent behaviour towards myself and even the police when they were called several times during our marraige.
I recall one time when he punched my arms black and blue whilst I was holding my baby, shortly after which I suffered a breakdown and had to move in with my mum for 6 months so she could help me with my children, meantime he left the bills to esculate and did not pay towards the mortgage so once again my parents picked up the bills. He turned me into such an emotional wreck, luckily my mum was very supportive taking my son to school making sure both childen were fed and clothed. My ex would often turn up become abusive towards my mum acusing her of "poking her nose" into our lives. But the truth of the matter was were it not for my mum the children would probably have ended up in care.