Mentally ill husband being obstructive what would you do?

9shell

What would you do?

He was abusive physically and mentally drove me to dispair was lazy neglectful to me and our 2 children abused anyone else who tried to help support us and gambled compulsively until our home was nearly taken away. My selfesteem was so low that it took two mental breakdowns and some counseling for me to finally leave him. Fast forward 10 yrs...During our time apart he continued to neglect showed no interest in the childrens emotional or financial needs and still gambles. His behaviour is nothing short of destructive he has mental health issues is often under section doesnt take his meds when he should because he like his bipolar highs without them and becomes harmful and risky to himself and others during these phases.

I single handedly managed to keep our house and maintain our two children with a lot of struggle and hardship while he continued to fritter away his money often seen in betting shops.
Meanwhile our healthy daughter 15 suddenly developed an autoimmune disorder 2 yrs ago. It effects her eyes and joints she is on 4 different drops 8 times a day to control glaucoma and iritis and is losing her hearing. She is under many consultants for her care and I can honestly say that It has been the most gutting two years of my life. I go to bed each night dreading what might become of her and I wake up the same way,that I have spent the last 2 years caring for her needs helping her through the pain she sometimes through the night, deal with school absenses try and provide her with home tuition to help her through her gcses this year support her any way I can. There is so much more I could do to help make her life more comfortable but we have a lack of finances due to me not being able to work. DLA application but there is a back log waiting list.

My dilemma is our mortgage has reached its full term, I have an endowment policy thats meant to pay off our mortgage that could help us. The problem is it's in joint names and my ex refuses to sign. I could use a small sum to take the pressure off us a little to provide for my daughters immediate needs and use the rest to cover some of the outstanding mortgage. But even though my ex has never made any contributions to the mortgage or the endowment (my father helped cover the costs) he refuses to allow the maturity by not signing. Instead he is being irrational and obstructive. He is currently under section 3 of the mental health act in hospital. this is the 3rd time this year. I've seen a solicitor but she says it will take time. I dont have time I need the help now because my daughter is suffering the consequences of his actions it would elleviate some of the pressure. My question could I sign for him and if he takes me to court would I be done for fraud or will the courts have sympathy in such extenuating circumstances?

9shell

I would really appreciate your comments thank you.

shortchanged_2

This is a very complicated state of affairs and you have my sympathies.

The problem being if he has been sectioned he would have been deemed of not sound mind and it would be debatable if he is capable of making a rational decision.

Unfortunately I feel this probably would be a case that may have to be decided in the courts as the issue is who makes the decisions for your ex.

Whatever you do, DO NOT sign on behalf of him as this would be fraud and you could potentially end up in a heck of a lot of trouble.

I think your solicitor is probably the best person to speak to, let them know of your urgency to resolve this matter.

Your other port of call could be Citizens Advice but I don't really know how helpful they would be in this situation.

Anyway best of luck and I'm sorry I couldn't give you any real advice.

snookey

Sorry Shell I can not be of much help but Im sure you could be done for fraud if you forged his signiture. I can see that your at breaking point with everything thats going on but its not worth getting into trouble with the law .
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kev.s

speak to your solicitor asap, do not sign for him as you will be commiting fraud, you've done great to get this far and your ex seems to have got his just desserts (harsh but fair imo). i hope things work out well for you, you seem to deserve some good luck

ceridwen

My guess is that you need to get some sort of "power of attorney" in order to be able to make your husbands decisions on his behalf - which will, of course, include deciding that he would sign this if he were in his right mind.

I would echo - do not fake his signature yourself. I understand why you wish to and that would have been the first thought that would have crossed my mind in your circumstances. But - it would be easy for the powers-that-be to see that he was mentally ill at the time and therefore not "in his right mind" to sign.

So - I think it would be wise to ask if you are able to get some sort of imposed "power of attorney" set-up arranged OR what other way you can legally make joint decisions on his behalf. You DO need legal advice - so maybe try the Citizens Advice Bureau.

DVardysShadow

Again, don't sign his name. I really don't know what options there are out there to deal with this, but my gut feel is that you need a court to order that his signature is deemed to be given for this one document, rather than a full blown power of attorney over all his affairs.

hillcats

Unable to offer any useful advice on this occasion, but I can wish you the best of luck in resolving this...

Wh05apk

Really sorry to hear of your terrible situation, this is far too serious to take notice of what is said by well meaning posters on a public forum, please follow the advice of your solicitor, as has been said do not sign on his behalf, that will be fraud.

If he has not contributed to premiums/mortgage, it would be unlikely he would be entitled to anything, but if he is refusing to sign, you can only deal with this through your solictor/the courts.

Good luck, and hope you all get through this.

m_13

What a terrible situation for you all to be in.

Take a look at information for carers on the Mental Capacity Act. It's designed to help in your situation:

http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/moneyandlegal/legal/Pages/MentalCapacityAct.aspx

The Office of the Public Guardian exists for a variety of guardianship issues and says:

You may know a family member, friend, neighbour or someone who you think is having difficulties in making decisions about their finance and property or their personal welfare and want to be able make these decisions for them but they have not made an Enduring or Lasting Power of Attorney.

Their website is here:http://www.publicguardian.gov.uk/

They say:

Before deciding to make a decision on behalf of someone you must reasonably believe that they lack the capacity to make that particular decision themselves and this will require you to assess their capacity. You are not expected to be an expert in assessing capacity, more information is available in the 'Assessing capacity and best interests' section of our website.

Section 5 of the Act allows anyone who cares for someone who lacks capacity to carry out certain informal tasks without fear of liability. Such tasks may include personal care, healthcare or other treatment provided that is carried out in the best interests of the person who lacks capacity.


In most cases concerning personal welfare matters the principles set out in the Act and chapters 5 and 6 of the Code of Practice will be enough to:

• help you take action or make decisions in the best interests of someone who lacks capacity; or
• find ways of settling disagreements about actions or decisions.

However an application to the Court may be necessary for:

• particularly difficult decisions;
• disagreements that cannot be resolved any other way; or
• situations where ongoing personal welfare decisions must be made about someone who lacks capacity.

Also an order from the Court will usually be necessary for matters relating to the property and affairs of people who lack capacity to make specific financial decisions for themselves.

The 'Applying to the Court of Protection' section of the DirectGov website (See the related link menu) gives more details on how to make an application to the Court. You can contact the Court of Protection through their general enquiry line which can be reached on 0300 456 4600.

So as there is a disagreement between you and your husband about what is best and you feel his mental illness is affecting his ability to make rational decisions, you could apply to the Court of Protection for the decision to be made for him.

Good luck.

9shell

m_13 wrote: »

So as there is a disagreement between you and your husband about what is best and you feel his mental illness is affecting his ability to make rational decisions, you could apply to the Court of Protection for the decision to be made for him.

Good luck.

Thank you so much for taking the trouble to source this information for me.