Help offered - too proud to accept

unhappydebts

Thank you all do much for your supportive replies - I was kind of worried I would be coming across as a applied self indulgent brat. (which I promise really isn't the case). I/we are extremely fortunate and I wholeheartedly recognise that.

Just about everything everyone says makes alot of sense.

I think I have decided to accept half their donation (which they don't want paid for) and swap my remaining credit onto my Lloyds Tsb card who are constantly offering me 6% for life offers. And use all the money I am currently using on min payments (circa £390) on the remaining balance. I figure I would feel less bad taking half the money and still take responsibility for rest of debt (which will now be paid off much much quicker). It looks lime my husband is getting a secondhand in work for three years so that's an extra few hundred a month which we have agreed will go towards debt.

Credit cards are cut up, one account closed already, will close off my Barclaycard once I have transferred to Lloyds TSB.

Baby plans, I feel need to be put on hold for at least 6 - 12 months and besides my wee one is only 20 months and I owe him the time with a mummy who wakes up in the morning and feels like she actually wants to breath.

Does all this sound do-able?

unhappydebts

I should also say that by still having to pay the remaining balance of £10k will be a stark and sobering reminder that I screwed up which I think I need....

DVardysShadow

unhappydebts wrote: »

... I think I have decided to accept half their donation (which they don't want paid for) and swap my remaining credit onto my Lloyds Tsb card who are constantly offering me 6% for life offers. And use all the money I am currently using on min payments (circa £390) on the remaining balance. I figure I would feel less bad taking half the money and still take responsibility for rest of debt (which will now be paid off much much quicker). It looks lime my husband is getting a secondhand in work for three years so that's an extra few hundred a month which we have agreed will go towards debt.

That is a very wise approach, I feel. I am just wondering if your debt troubles are related to your mental health issues? If so, what is your strategy for not letting your debt situation deteriorate again?

Culex

theoretica wrote: »

If your in-laws can afford it I can see why they would put family and health above money. I am sure their grandchild gives them far more pleasure than money in the bank does.

Might that depend on how it is cooked?

Culex

DVardysShadow wrote: »

That is a very wise approach, I feel. I am just wondering if your debt troubles are related to your mental health issues? If so, what is your strategy for not letting your debt situation deteriorate again?

Avoiding shoe shops?

unhappydebts

DVardysShadow, thank you for your encouraging post. Mental Health is most definitely behind the overspending. I had/have pretty bad post natal depression which made me think I was a terrible mother and overcompensated by buying the best for my little boy. I mean I spent £1k on his first birthday - I fully fully acknowledge this was absurd. I see my GP regularly and we monitor my depression now. I would (hope) that we would all be more aware of "behaviours" second time round and deal with it. Also I really truly have felt like not wanting to wake up in the morning of late and it's not a feeling I want to revisit. Ever. I think also bring "bailed" out by my in laws will make me far less inclined to spend.

Not a huge plan but it's a start?

Monkeynut

I know obviously you said that you have pretty low interest rates for the remainder of the debts, but still - you will be paying a fair chunk of interest on that balance, so that makes the money that they are giving/lending to you worth less in the long run really. I know that if I was in your in laws situation I would rather you take the full amount so that I know you are starting with a clean slate, and that none of the money would go to pay off building interest.

I understand the point you made about needing to clear the other half yourself as a reminder of your debt mistakes, but could you not maybe accept the full balance, and then to prove to yourself that you can be good with money etc, stay around this site (as it's fab and if this isn't motivational then I don't know what is!!), and set yourself savings challenges, alongside paying back the in laws of course.

What does your husband think about the situation?

tealady

Hi
I know it might hurt your pride a bit but personally I would accept the full amount from your in laws. After all it is is not just benefiting you but their grandchildren as well. Also it will hopefully give you the incentive to pay it off more quickly.
If you really feel guilty think of them as a bank and pay them some interest.
HTH

caledonian_princess

I think that I would accept their very kind offer. I would also try to persuade them to take repayments from me, if they really don't want to perhaps they could open a new savings account and put your repayments in there to be spent on their grandchildren in the future? At least then you are repaying them.

DVardysShadow

unhappydebts wrote: »

DVardysShadow, thank you for your encouraging post. Mental Health is most definitely behind the overspending. I had/have pretty bad post natal depression which made me think I was a terrible mother and overcompensated by buying the best for my little boy. I mean I spent £1k on his first birthday - I fully fully acknowledge this was absurd. I see my GP regularly and we monitor my depression now. I would (hope) that we would all be more aware of "behaviours" second time round and deal with it. Also I really truly have felt like not wanting to wake up in the morning of late and it's not a feeling I want to revisit. Ever. I think also bring "bailed" out by my in laws will make me far less inclined to spend.

Not a huge plan but it's a start?

It is a very good start. While half of me thinks you should accept the whole lot from the in-laws, I think you are wiser to accept just half, assuming you can over time work your way through the rest and see progress. Paying it off is a goal to work towards - so you can see yourself achieving something, plus it is a gentle reminder of the cost of the behaviours you want to deal with.