Violent behaviour

DVardysShadow

dmg24 wrote: »

Do you know any policemen? I am not suggesting that you involve them formally, but a firm talking to from a uniformed policeman may help get the message across. Obviously by firm I mean suitable to his age, I am not suggesting he is threatened with handcuffs and a night in the cells!

The risk is that this will create a lasting memory which might have the unexpected consequence that by the time he is about 8, the police are totally trivialised

meritaten

I totally agree with the other posters who said you handled it right! you spotted the problem, and put a stop to it! you apologised to the other kids mum and got the kids to apologise - then you saw the other kid was still a bit fearful and removed your child! Well done! I have seen many other mums who would have laughed and said 'boys will be boys'!

Dont worry hun, these things happen, you arent raising a psychopath! 3 year olds arent always aware of others feelings and in fact by taking him home early and clearly being displeased with him - it may well be a good opening for talking about not hurting others!
Honestly, I dont see what more you could have done!
I wouldnt scare him with the police or make any more of it! the incident has been dealt with and is over. You are NOT a bad mummy - you are a VERY good one!

themull1

Agutka wrote: »

And today he kicked our dog.
I went spare, I cannot tolerate behaviour like that.
He keeps challenging me and I can't take it calmly, because it's so horrible. It really REALLY doesn't feel like he cares what I think!

Thank you for all your kind words. You think it's all so easy when you're childless and I've found myself often judging parents before, now it's me having meltdowns.

Btw, they didn't blink when we left, they'd had enough playing by that point, so not much punishment.
I can still see that boy's little face. I hope he forgets all about it.

If he kicked the dog, what punishment did he get?

sjc3

My dad use to get his mate to phone up and ask to speak to my brother or I, pretending to be the local police station. Scared us something silly, but then we were a bit older than your little boy.

Trust me they all go through this stage. My daughter did. They are testing boundaries and your patience to the absolute limit no doubt. Its nothing you are doing wrong. How you handle it now will effect how quickly he grows out of it. Dont show any major reaction, thats what they want.

When my dd was bad at school her teacher use to make her sit outside the class with an egg timer for 5 mins. To think about what she had done. Then she would talk it through and make her apologise. Children aren't born knowing what is right and wrong it is a learning process. Just seems to take them a flipping long time to get it :rotfl:

Agutka

themull1 wrote: »

If he kicked the dog, what punishment did he get?

A physical one...

Agutka

So, would it be fair to say that as long as I am a law abiding citizen, who has empathy for the world and his dog, morals and is generally nice to people - then my sons will be the same? I don't have to put in extraordinary effort or read millions of books, because it'll all work out fine in the end?

Because realising that I am in charge of two human beings and it's my job to teach them EVERYTHING really scares me

MadDogWoman_2

Hi,

My DD is 4 in a couple of weeks and she's started hitting either myself or DH in a temper during a tantrum, she is removed from the room and sat at the bottom of the stairs until she has calmed down, I then get her to apologise; I also explain that it hurts to hit.

I've found this year very trying with the almost constant pushing the boundaries to see how far she can go.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You aren't a bad person for how you reacted at either time.

From memory, the only times I have seen children with that behaviour becoming a regular thing 'rethinking' their entertainment has been when the victim has been holding their own with older siblings, or they haven't noticed the victim's older brother or sister or an animal lover in the vicinity.

I remember launching into a group of much older boys trying to tie a banger onto a cat's tail when I was about 6, they were shocked when I went for them, but even more shocked when three brothers aged 18, 20 and 24 came out the garden gate to find out what was going on. No more occurrences of wounded cats from then on.


He either learns to listen to you that it is entirely unacceptable to hurt other people or animals through the consequences you give him, or he learns the consequences of hurting kids who are bigger, stronger or have protective siblings. Hopefully, the latter won't happen, but if it does, he will need to know that it was his actions in bullying another child that caused it.


I think I would probably have walloped either of mine had I caught them hurting one of the animals. Never did hit them, before the criticisms come flying, but I think I would have done in those circumstances.

Humphrey10

I hate it when people hit children, but in this case where the child's health or even life is at risk (many dogs would defend themselves if attacked, and the only way they can do that is to bite. Even little dogs can do a lot of damage if they want to), if it gets the message across quickly, then it's better than risking the child attacking a dog again!

bestpud

This wont be popular, but I really struggle to comprehend the thinking behind hitting a child in order to teach them hitting/kicking is bad. :cool:

I wouldn't worry too much at this stage but if he does it again, immediately remove him from the fun as they soon learn inappropriate behaviour = less fun.

I think it's useful to get them thinking how they'd feel if pounced on like that too, but you need to gauge how far he is able to process that kind of thought.

Just try not to focus on this too much, or you will get in the habit of only noticing negative behaviour (it's very easy done, believe me!) I'm a great fan of praise when it's due so look for times when he plays nicely and praise him for whatever he is doing.

Try not to worry when out as well, because he will pick up on your anxiety and it may make his behaviour worse. He's still learning and they all do things we'd rather they didn't!

Have a frank discussion with parents you trust and you will see everyone has moments of despair, however fleeting!