Flexible working and husband doing some childcare

gratefulforhelp_2

liney wrote: »

Who do you think would be taking care of them on the 4 days that Dad was at work. :rotfl:

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

That's what I was thinking - not sure how dad looking after one day a week would mean he was seen as main carer.

Baby brain and too long spent reading horror stories in child support board

Sambucus_Nigra

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

it's all great until work need Dad to come in for an important meeting which can't be rescheduled on his childcare day. Or Dad gets flu on his childcare day.

Surely the same applies to women who work flexible hours to take care of their kids?

OP - the person you should be discussing this with is your OH. For every good story on here there will be a bad one.

Incidentally; my friend does this - when she is on maternity he works; when she goes back he gives up his job to do the main brunt of the childcare. Mainly because she earns more than him and it just makes sense.

He is a good dad though - a very good dad.

JodyBPM

Can he not request to change his hours sooner rather than later, so that he can see how he finds it working those compressed hours before you have another baby? As he will be doing his full hours over 4 days, it shouldn't have a financial impact. Most employers will give you a trial period on the new hours, so if it doesn't work out, then he can always go back to 5 days.

The reason he hasn't provided permanent childcare for the oldest is more because he was working full time and Mum was a SAHM, I suspect rather than a lack of interest. I know many great dads who don't provide permanent childcare, simply because their hours don't let them, not because they aren't capable or don't want to.

I think its a great idea - 35 hours over 4 days is less than 9 hours a day (8AM - 5PM would cover it, or if you need to add the lunch break in, 8AM - 5.30PM with a 45m break) - many men work those kinds of hours (or more) everyday anyway.

shop-to-drop

My OH works days, I work nights. It's tough working nights but works well with childcare.

There's also weekends and evenings too.

But if you can get OH's work to play ball with 4 days a week I don't see why not. He would soon get used to the longer days and anyway with a baby at home sometimes being at work is the easier option.

timeou

My OH has awlays worked some sort of shift pattern which meant he was often at home in the week when I was in work. I would say that the childcare was done more by him than me in the early days because of this.

It worked just fine - he did (and still does now that the kids are in school) housework, washing, ironing etc along with looking after the children - he coped with illnesses, toilet training and all the usual kids stuff realy well. I am so lucky to have a hubby like this I know - sometimes the kids had really badly co-ordinated outfits on ( once my son had a nursery pic taken with a polo top on back to front with the poppers at the front!) but in the grand scheme of things did it matter?

The kids loved having dad around some of the week, then mum some of the week (not often us together tho thats the only downside)

OH did different things to me (he'd be more inclined to perhaps ignore housework a little more than I would) and take the little ones to the woods, out with the dog, they would help gardening etc but I would cook, play with toys with them more perhaps. We each brought something different to the childcaring table.

I would say go for it - my hubby is fully understanding now how much hard work it is to keep house & raise kids and our relationship is strong because of this. I know he considers himself lucky that he had the chance to be around on a hands-on basis when they were little - many men don't get that opportunity.

PS - turn a blind eye to things perhaps not being done round the house 'your way' and it'll work out just fine x

clearingout

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Baby brain and too long spent reading horror stories in child support board

Have to say, one of the things that went through my mind is what if it all goes wrong and the relationship breaks down...I guess that's something to do with what we have been through, though. I do object to it being dismissed outright as frankly, you have no idea about the state of your marriage until they don't come home one evening....

honeypop

After having DS1, my husband changed his 40 hour 5 day working week to a 40 hour 4 day week so he could look after DS while I worked that day. He absolutely loved it, having a whole day to themselves doing things together without me checking he was doing everything the 'right' way. He was in a job where his work definitely couldn't spill over into that day off, so it was really convenient for us. Working longer hours over less days wasn't an issue for him, having a day purely with his son outweighed that he always said.

Unfortunately (kind of!) he got a promotion before DS2 was born, and had to go back to a 5 day week, he really misses that day off and says weekends are not the same as places are busier and he would like to take the kids out on a weekday like before.

galvanizersbaby

clearingout wrote: »

Have to say, one of the things that went through my mind is what if it all goes wrong and the relationship breaks down...I guess that's something to do with what we have been through, though. I do object to it being dismissed outright as frankly, you have no idea about the state of your marriage until they don't come home one evening....

Even if this was to happen I'm still not sure that the father would be classed as the main carer of the child if he was solely providing the childcare for only one day a week while the mother was providing childcare for the other 4 days

gratefulforhelp_2

clearingout wrote: »

frankly, you have no idea about the state of your marriage until they don't come home one evening....

Sad but true. x

clearingout

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Even if this was to happen I'm still not sure that the father would be classed as the main carer of the child if he was solely providing the childcare for only one day a week while the mother was providing childcare for the other 4 days

Agreed. But again, my experience has taught me not to assume anything. My ex never did any childcare whatsoever. When we split up, suddenly he didn't work 3 days a week....!

I actually think it's a great idea and I really won't worry about the ramblings of the likes of gratefulforhelp and I. You can't live your life on 'what if's - that's possibly the best lesson I've had from this divorce business!

(But we'll be the first to say I told you so if the worst happens )