Flexible working and husband doing some childcare

Plans_all_plans

Hi I'm just wondering if anyone on here has any success stories about their husband working flexibly and doing some childcare?

Issue is: we're thinking of having a child, but ideally don't want to use a childcare provider. One option we have is my husband asking to work his 35 hour week over 4 days, leaving one day free for taking care of baby. I could then work my part time weekly hours on the day he's off work doing the childcare. Has anyone managed a similar situation this way?

The main problem I envisage (if his request is accepted by work) is that it will make his 4 day week quite long, when travelling time is included and I don't want to put a strain on our marriage if he feels stressed about it. Also, he's not done any real permanent childcare for our eldest and I'm not sure that it's really for him! Saying that though, I'd prefer for him to have the baby than someone else.

Any success stories/horror stories welcome!!

gratefulforhelp_2

Consider what would happen if you (God forbid) split up and your husband was seen as the main carer and got residence of the children because of this?

Also the right to REQUEST flexible working is not a right to get it, in reality there is little to be done if he is denied it.

Sorry to be negative, in principle its a good idea so long as he is willing?

elvis86

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Consider what would happen if you (God forbid) split up and your husband was seen as the main carer and got residence of the children because of this?[/QUOTE]

How ridiculous! The OP has given no indication that her marriage is anything but happy, this isn't something she should consider at all!

Imagine if everyone applied such twisted logic; "Eeee, I'd best not let hubby take junior to the football today, that'll mean he's spent more time with him that me this week, if we split - he could get custody":(:(:(

One of the most silly comments I've ever seen on here!:D

liney

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Consider what would happen if you (God forbid) split up and your husband was seen as the main carer and got residence of the children because of this?

Also the right to REQUEST flexible working is not a right to get it, in reality there is little to be done if he is denied it.

Sorry to be negative, in principle its a good idea so long as he is willing?

Who do you think would be taking care of them on the 4 days that Dad was at work. :rotfl:

galvanizersbaby

liney wrote: »

Who do you think would be taking care of them on the 4 days that Dad was at work. :rotfl:

That's what I was thinking - not sure how dad looking after one day a week would mean he was seen as main carer.

OP - I can't see why this wouldn't work if dad is agreeable - I know couples who do this but your comments re dad not doing any real permanent childcare for our eldest and not being sure that it's really for him make me wonder.
How does dad feel about it?

Gigglepig

When I read this post I thought - Hey, if the man was good enough for you to have a baby with in the first place, one would sure hope he'd be able to look after it on his own for only 1 day a week!? ;-)

I see your point though regarding it being hard for your husband to work 35 hrs in 4 days and he needs to be honest about his capacity for this. Some people work much longer hours than that and think nothing of it, while others would hate the long days. Also, in terms of practical arrangements perhaps look at for example whether you could move to next to his work, to cut down his travel time on those 4 days.

If it is too tiring for your husband to work 35 hrs over 4 days, consider whether you can make a more even split, for example that you both have a 50% job.

balletshoes

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Hi I'm just wondering if anyone on here has any success stories about their husband working flexibly and doing some childcare?

Issue is: we're thinking of having a child, but ideally don't want to use a childcare provider. One option we have is my husband asking to work his 35 hour week over 4 days, leaving one day free for taking care of baby. I could then work my part time weekly hours on the day he's off work doing the childcare. Has anyone managed a similar situation this way?

The main problem I envisage (if his request is accepted by work) is that it will make his 4 day week quite long, when travelling time is included and I don't want to put a strain on our marriage if he feels stressed about it. Also, he's not done any real permanent childcare for our eldest and I'm not sure that it's really for him! Saying that though, I'd prefer for him to have the baby than someone else.

Any success stories/horror stories welcome!!

I think its a fantastic idea, and in reality is a solution for a lot of working mums (ie they are the ones who work their 5 days over 4, and then take care of their little ones on their 5th day). Your OH and your baby can only benefit from this in my opinion - both of you will be bonding and both of you will know how to care for your child on your own.

mambo69

I cant see the issue, I work 40 hours over 5 days, but then have the kids myself 2 nights a week as the wife works 2 till 10 as part of her shift allowance

If it suits your circumstances then go for it, he may really enjoy spending some time on his own with a little one! He may also appreciate you more

richliv

I'm a working dad who scaled back his work to 30 hrs a week so my wife could work full time. Ok, I have a job where it's possible and an amenable employer , which is lucky, but I only had to ask and you do have a legal right to ask. One day a week - why not, it should be possible but he does need to want to do it otherwise no-one will enjoy the arrangement. The upside is that he will hopefully get a closer connection with his kids which I've found hugely rewarding. The downside is that childcare is harder than work on the whole so I wouldn't consider it unless he is genuine about wanting to - and I don't mean under duress ;-)

The other downside is that, depending on what he does, 4 days can turn into 5 too easily without actually being paid for the rest. In other words, if the job can't actually be done in 4, this is a non starter and will stress you all out too much for it to be realistic. All that said, I recommend it - now my kids are 9 and 7, I split my hours up so I can pick up from school 3 days, and we have a child minder who picks up the other 2. Feels good to be able to be there for them, actually.

Savvy_Sue

it's all great until work need Dad to come in for an important meeting which can't be rescheduled on his childcare day. Or Dad gets flu on his childcare day.

We did it, when the boys were at Junior school, but the quality of 'childcare' was different. I met them and was very much 'there' for them after school, Dad was often still in work mode when they got home. They've survived, but you have to realise that we all have different approaches to parenting, and you'll have to accept his, as he does yours!

Spendless

We have though not quite in the way you describe. I had an evening job when eldest was a baby, hubby would get in from work and have baby whilst I went out. It was no different to either of us, he worked then babysat, I cared for baby all day then worked.

I packed job in due to ill-health in next pregnancy and apart from a 6 month lunch time job when eldest was at school and youngest went to my nans, I either didn't work or was at college.

I returned to a day time job last year, and the hours were slightly outside school times and DD was in her last 1/2 term in infants where I had to take her into class. DH worked from home on those days till I changed my hours to more school hour ones. He still works from hom some hols but the children are both Junior school age now and require less 'care'.