What can a mother do?

solventbutsenile

My daughter, 22, and living at home, has run up several debts, largely with a phone company, her student loan, and also a bank overdraft. She is very rarely in during 'office hours' so I have to deal with the phone calls (and one doorstep visit) from debt collection agencies. Some of them just leave cryptic, automated "urgent - call, quoting ref ....... " messages, when others have told me a few details, such as to who the alleged debt is owed. She gets letters marked "this is not a circular" on a regular basis which she opens, screws up and stuffs in her handbag, never to see the light of day again. I Googled the two companies that have rung me this week and both searches led me to this site, and I haven't liked what I have read about either of them.
I have no doubt that she owes money - she owes her dad over £5,000, and has fallen out with friends in the past over money but she has no income that I know of. My concern is that I have no idea of the scale of the problem. I am alone at home most days, and I live in fear of having bailiffs knock at my door. Also, how likely is it that my other family members, as well as a close friend that lives with us, will get the flak from her bad credit reputation? My husband's professional association could debar him, and my son is very careful with his money, has a regular job and is doing very well at university. I shall be furious if he cannot get a mortgage or loan if he needs one because of his sister's recklessness.
I realise there are confidentiality laws, but all the time she lives under my roof, what am I entitled to know? And yes, we have tried to talk to her about this, and we have had no luck so far getting through to her.

king100

1stly

Do not worry.

Debt collectors do not have any rights to be on your property. There is a letter you can send them concerning this.

There is also a letter for telephone.

Your Street
Town
City
Postcode
DATE HERE
Company Name
Road
Town
City / County
Postcode


Dear Sirs
Harassment by telephone

FORMAL COMPLAINT UNDER THE CONSUMER CREDIT ACT 2006 COMPLAINTS PROCEDURE

Account Number: XXXXXXX

I am writing in relation to the quantity and frequency of telephone calls that I have received from your company, which I deem to be personally harassing.

I have verbally requested that these stop, but I am still receiving calls.(Delete if necessary)

I now require all further correspondence from your company to be made in writing only.

I am of the view that your continued harassment of me by telephone puts you in breach of Section 40 of the Administration of Justice Act 1970, and the Protection from Harassment Act 1997.

If you continue to harass me by telephone, you will also be in breach of the Communications Act (2003) s.127 and I will report you to OFCOM, Trading Standards and The Office of Fair Trading, meaning that you will be liable to a substantial fine.

Please treat this also as a formal complaint, and send me a copy of your company complaints procedure.

Be advised that any furthertelephone calls from your company will be recorded. (**Even if you don‘t yet have recording equipment!!**)

Yours faithfully,


[NAME HERE] (type don't sign)

It is not your debt so any issues will not be assicoated with you or your home. Believe me if it was associated to me when I was younger then my parents would be have been screwed.

The phone can be changed to PAYG, the student loans only need to be paid if earning over 16k ish a year. But by the sounds she has forgotten to defer the student loan.

Bailiffs cannot do any damage as its your home, your stuff there so what could they take that is you daughters. Just dont answer the door to any strange men, keep all windows and doors locked and bailiff cannot do anything.

RAS

Your daughter's antic are unlikely to affect other family members; the law was changed so that credit records were attached to people not property many years ago precisely because young adults were wrecking their parents' credit records.

The important thing is to ensure that she never opens an account jointly with another family member. Joint accounts lead to financial association.

RAS

A 22 year old cannot legally own SB debt, as she was not legally able to take out credit until the age of 18 and 6 years have not elapsed since then.

hallowitch

and if gets as far as bailiffs a statutory declaration(done at a solicitor for a cost of £5/10) can be sent to the bailiff firm saying that your daughter does not own any goods in your home except personal items of clothing ect that have no value

solventbutsenile

Thanks for the above. She is driving us mad here. She has a casual job that pays absolute peanuts - it just keeps her in cigarettes - and refuses to sign on or look for permanent work. She isn't stupid but she seems to have a mental block when it comes to money. Neither me or her father have ever had debt problems, and so to be getting hassled at our age sort of rankles a bit.

shopaholic2

Hi,I wanted to try to help...
I have been your daughter! I have been getting into debt for 20 years, and when i lived at home i was excatly in the same position your daughter is now.
I had credit card companies sending letters which had to be signed for, so my mother saw those and knew what they were.
I had a bad overdraft at the bank,and never had any mmoney, eventually the bank took everything off me, and would only let me withdraw money over the counter IF there was enough left after they had checked through my direcr debits and cheque book....Humiliating.

My mother would ask me about the debts, and i would brush it off, hide the letters, pretend it was all ok.
Eventually she sat me down and said "this needs sorting, get me your bank statemets, cheque books etc".
My parents helped me immensly, sorted out a budget etc, but it was awful i felt like i'd let them down so much!

If I were you I would sit your daughter down, tell her you know about the debts and although it's not ideal, you are willing to help in any way you can ( either financially or by helping with budgets etc).
Make sure she knows you love her and support her, and help her learn from this NOW!
It's sooooo hard to admit to anyone we are in debt, but our parents, well, we feel we've let them down etc.

You say she's not around during office hours, yet has no income,is she at college? Could she get a part time job?

Hope thats helped in some way
x

snookey

A sit down and long chat needed. At the present time she is able to run up debts due to you providing a roof over her head . Its now she needs to learn responsibility or you will be left providing for her for the rest of her life.
Reality has to hit sooner than later. If she refuses to look for work then you need to put your cards on the table and say she needs to look for somewhere else to live. Nobody even our children should expect a free ride.

RAS

solventbutsenile wrote: »

She has a casual job that pays absolute peanuts - it just keeps her in cigarettes - and refuses to sign on or look for permanent work. She isn't stupid but she seems to have a mental block when it comes to money. Neither me or her father have ever had debt problems, and so to be getting hassled at our age sort of rankles a bit.

OK.

She is not entitled to live at your expense, financial and psychological. Legally she is an adult, when allows her to obtain credit, but now she needs to grow up.

Either she deals with this, gets a job and makes a proper contribution to your household or she moves out.

If she would like your support, you will help her sort out the muddle, but she makes the money and the payments, if she wants to sort it out herself, she can speak to a debt charitiy and would be welcome here.

Make sure your OH is on side as well.

rosyw

I really feel for you, as I have been YOU!! My eldest ran up huge debts while she was still at home, my late OH was far too soft and paid off most of them, I really wish he hadn't, and had made her face up to things and sort it all out. I'm all for offering support in the form of advice and help dealing with her creditors, but really wouldn't help financially, your daughter has run up the debts and SHE must pay what she owes, not you. My daughter is still dreadfull with money, she thinks I don't know that she owes huge amounts in rent arrears, water bills, council tax, etc., but the one thing she now knows is that she must sort it out for herself as I refuse to help. She owes me monry going back years which I will never see, but her dad had made it clear not long before he died that we wouldn't help any more, maybe if he had said this 10 years previously she would have sorted things out sooner?

dancingfairy

22! I guess she needs to shape up or ship out - is she paying her rent to you?. I can't beleive she owes your husband money, has fallen out with friends in the past and still hasn't learnt her lesson. Perhaps you could ask her if she intends to ever move out and live on her own/with friends/partner etc as she will need to have money behind her. Does she drive/want to drive? -again she will need money for this.
I thought she was just being a teenager but she's 22 - how long can you afford to sub her - I guess she will just continue to sponge off you if you dont' put your foot down - it's not fair she's putting you through this.
df