Baby groups: 10 Months old Free?!

barbiedoll

I know you think that the "young" mums won't be so good to mingle with but you do have at least one thing in common (your babies) and you may be surprised at how easy it is to make friends with them.

I was so desperate to get out of the house and speak to other adults when my DS was small that I went to a church playgroup locally. I too, would have been out of the door like a shot at the first mention of Jesus/God etc etc, but the only connection to the church was the hall, there was no hidden agenda! Most of the mums there were younger than me (I was 33, they were mostly late teens/early twenties) but they were so friendly and I still see a few of them now. One in particular was a godsend when I had back trouble, she came round to see why I wasn't there one day, took my DS out for me and bought a few bits of shopping back with her as I wasn't able to move.

My son is still friends with some of the kids that he met at playgroup and I met my childminder there. I also found out about other playgroups and we even had a couple of daytrips to the seaside that one of the more enterprising mums organised. (All for free, she blagged some money from the church!) There will always be the "cliques" and not everyone will be friendly and welcoming but mostly, they're in the same situation as you. Stuck at home with a lonely, restless toddler.

Bite the bullet and give them a go, you may be pleasantly surprised! (And if it is horrible, you don't have to go back, just try somewhere else)

Savvy_Sue

brunettegirl wrote: »

Church groups worry me - Im not religious, are they going to try and convert us?!

They're unlikely to do more than invite you to other events, but declining their invitations won't see you sent to the naughty corner.

brunettegirl wrote: »

No they don't talk! and they all have toddlers that are at least 18 months, so age gap is quite big

you say that, but think about it: developmentally your baby could be walking in a month, or not for another 8 months (I had one who was a lazy beggar who stayed on his bum until 16.5 months!)

Now, do you want to feel you have to find another group once yours is a toddler, or do you want to find a group with a mix of ages that you can 'stick with' for a good while?

Lunar_Eclipse

brunettegirl wrote: »

clw1 wrote: »

they all have toddlers that are at least 18 months, so age gap is quite big and the session isn't in Hull either.

You've had some good suggestions on here already. When mine were young, I went to a couple of church playgroups and the friends I made through the NCT were a lifeline. You do have to make the effort though.

Also, I would like to suggest a different perspective since I was quite surprised to see the age gap reference above. Unless you have a tiny, fragile 9 month old who is developmentally slow (which I doubt is the case given your mention of crawling), I would forget about age gaps.

Part of the benefit of playgroups, in my opinion, is the exposure one's child gets to babies/children across a narrow (0-4) spectrum of ages and mums with different experiences that you might seek out at some point in time. Most babies love watching slightly older children playing, or joining in, meaning that you can enjoy a cup of tea and a chat, plus they learn loads from the experience. One of the striking differences between my 1st and 2nd child (17 month age gap) is how much DD1 entertained DD2. From the youngest age, my second basically watched her older sister quite happily, for most of the day, until she was old enough to join in too.

Also, you might end up with a really local, invaluable best friend who has a 2 year old, would it really matter?

brunettegirl

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

brunettegirl wrote: »

Also, I would like to suggest a different perspective since I was quite surprised to see the age gap reference above. Unless you have a tiny, fragile 9 month old who is developmentally slow (which I doubt is the case given your mention of crawling), I would forget about age gaps.

It's not me that has the issue, I have noticed that the mums at music class don't want to know, they are more interested in other mums with kids their own age, which makes sense, I can get a lot from them, but they can't get anything from me, accept remembering when their lo was that age. He does like watching them, but gets stood on if I don't get him out of the way.

Part of the benefit of playgroups, in my opinion, is the exposure one's child gets to babies/children across a narrow (0-4) spectrum of ages and mums with different experiences that you might seek out at some point in time. Most babies love watching slightly older children playing, or joining in, meaning that you can enjoy a cup of tea and a chat, plus they learn loads from the experience. One of the striking differences between my 1st and 2nd child (17 month age gap) is how much DD1 entertained DD2. From the youngest age, my second basically watched her older sister quite happily, for most of the day, until she was old enough to join in too.

When I find some mums with older toddlers who even look in my direction never mind acknowledge me when I ask questions I will let you know. Maybe we have just been unlucky in where we have gone and when....

Also, you might end up with a really local, invaluable best friend who has a 2 year old, would it really matter?

I have a close friend already with a son who is nearly 2, 3 girl and 4 year old boy. So I don't have an issue with their ages but it would be nice for my y son to have same age playmates so they can go on a crawl together, get stood on together lol ect.

JC9297

In my experience mother and toddler groups in church halls have no links to the church, they are just using a convenient hall. It seems strange that as the average age of first time mums is rising you seem to encounter mainly teenage mums, when I went to mother and toddler groups when my boys (now teenagers) were little most of the mums there were nearer thirty (or older) than twenty. Do you live in a part of town where a lot of young mums tend to live, could you possibly try different areas where the mix may be different. When mine were little there were at least 3 a week in my area of the city and lots more further afield.

pigpen

JC9297 wrote: »

In my experience mother and toddler groups in church halls have no links to the church, they are just using a convenient hall. It seems strange that as the average age of first time mums is rising you seem to encounter mainly teenage mums, when I went to mother and toddler groups when my boys (now teenagers) were little most of the mums there were nearer thirty (or older) than twenty. Do you live in a part of town where a lot of young mums tend to live, could you possibly try different areas where the mix may be different. When mine were little there were at least 3 a week in my area of the city and lots more further afield.

Most first time mums here are very young.. way lower than average. We have one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy and the numbers are rising year on year.. it is partly down to nothing else to do and in bred local culture.. which is often found in areas with historically high mortality rates among working age men.

Though the younger mums are more concentrated in some areas, such as the estates, due to low incomes they tend not to be in the areas which have higher populations of home owners.

Anyway, having looked at these trends for several years the local attitude isn't changing and nothing seems to be being done to try to discourage teens from having children.. other than handing out handfuls of condoms at colleges (by which time it is too late for more than I care to think about) and at 14-18 nights at local clubs...

brunettegirl

JC9297 wrote: »

It seems strange that as the average age of first time mums is rising you seem to encounter mainly teenage mums, when I went to mother and toddler groups when my boys (now teenagers) were little most of the mums there were nearer thirty (or older) than twenty. Do you live in a part of town where a lot of young mums tend to live, could you possibly try different areas where the mix may be different. When mine were little there were at least 3 a week in my area of the city and lots more further afield.

Alas it is true we do have the highest rate of teenage pregnancy here, and they seem to be everywhere i go! Which wouldn't be so bad but when you get a group together it all gets very !!!!!y and crazy, almost like being back at school, I really don't have the patience for it. I just want to have fun with my little boy and find nice cheap places to play.
I am branching out though and hopefully I may find at least one mum around my age and my LO age
I am looking out of the city as well, but until my car is fixed Im limited.
Have emailed the church groups though, 2 are religious and do hymns... Euuk! scary prospect

Savvy_Sue

JC9297 wrote: »

In my experience mother and toddler groups in church halls have no links to the church, they are just using a convenient hall.

IME all the groups I've ever known meeting in church halls HAVE been linked to the church in some way, but you might not have known it if you weren't also linked to the church, if that makes sense. Their approach has varied from "This is a group run by the church" to "This is a group meeting in the church". Whatever their approach, the idea is to be very welcoming to whoever comes in through the door and not scare them off.

brunettegirl wrote: »

Have emailed the church groups though, 2 are religious and do hymns... Euuk! scary prospect

:rotfl: Do they really do hymns? Or just sing action songs with 'religious' words? I know one group which used to do that, and they were quite explicitly a group run by 'the church', who wanted to share their faith with parents in the community. They were VERY welcoming, and had a waiting list because they were so popular and the space was so limited!

If you're really worried about it, tell them and see what their reaction is. If they're shocked at the very idea that you might not feel comfortable singing hymns, that might tell you whether it's the group for you, or not. If on the other hand they can assure you that you won't be the only one who feels that way, and there's no pressure to join in if you don't want to, they might be just the group for you.

ajaney

I have a 9 month old & live across the river from you in Lincolnshire. I am 32 & Ds is my first.

I felt like Old Mother Hubbard when I went to the Hospital in Grimsby for my scans (High teenage pregnancy rate, i chose Grimsby as the Maternity unit is quite new & you get your own room for the full duration of your stay).

I was scared when i went to the local playgroup at the town hall run by the Childrens centre (free) & the first week, only the staff talked to me :-(. The second week, I gathered up my courage & spoke to a mum whose baby was asleep. She introduced me to a couple of the other Mums & I've not looked back! I go to a second playgroup held in the methodist hall (£1 refreshments included) - no religious propaganda - run by a local childminder.

My DS is the one of the youngest & the only one not walking at the second group I go to but he loves to sit in a widgey with the baby toys & watch the other kds run around.

The childrens centre email me a chart every month with all the local group on & majority are free. The chart is in the local doctors surgery too.

Good Luck!

sarahevie

I'm a youngish mum, so feel it from the other side.

I was 23 with my DD1, my friends are 39,40,41,43. Ours is a very affluent area and also seems to have one of the highest rates of IVF in the country. Everyone (apart from me) seems to have had it.

I didn't dare say at first, that my DD wasn't planned, but now I'm honest about it - they had to have IVF but it doesn't mean I don't love my two DDs to pieces. My experience of NCT very middle class, yummy mummies, but friendly and they do seem to stay in touch and have A LOT of meet ups.

I go to the local sure start with my two. I'm different in that I'm a SAHM in the land of full time working professionals but you do have a lot in common, the babies.

I attend stay and play at the local sure start with my 8 month old and my 2 year old. It's largely geared at over 18 months but lots of the mums bring younger siblings. It's fine.