Marriage breakup

crazymum_2

Don't know where to start really, I have been married for 15 years and we have 6 children together aged from 16 years to 4 years - littlest starts school next September.
For the past six months we have had serious marriage problems and I am now ready to call it a day although my husband says he intends to stay in the house. I would obviously rather he left and I stayed in the house with the children, but have no idea where I stand with all of this.
Our house was bought 3 years ago for £350,000, our mortage is £140,000, my husband also has a pension with transfer value of £80,000. We have been together since we were 18 / 19 yrs so everything we have has been built up together although my husband has always been the primary earner. I do work full time childminding.
At the moment everything is in a 'one account' which I feel a little nervous about as it is very difficult to control in this situation. I think that my husband will probably stop working if I leave him - he keeps throwing this in as a threat saying there will be no point to him working anymore, I don't care and am determined to make a go of things on my own but have absolutely no idea financially what I am entitled to do or how to go about it all - thought there might be someone out there who has been through something similar and might be able to point me in the right direction.
Would like to get through all this with as little impact on the children as possible.

Thankyou for any help.

victory

Someone will be along in a minute with better knowledge than me but I am guessing you will be allowed to stay in the house?
My brother sold up and he gave 60% to his ex so that she would have less of a mortgage when she bought again xxx

MatthewN

I am newly married my self so am not in a good position to advise on this as I havent gone through any of this before. What are the chances of it all coming back together ok? I just thought that if you could get past the turning point where it went downhill and work on that then it might not all come to this.

I am not sure on the side of splitting up and who gets what... you would probably need some type of legal advise to see what you are entitled to. I think a friend of mine had to enter some agreement that she got a higher % of the house because of taking on the children.

crazymum_2

We've been through the trying to make it work bit - realistically this is the end of the road for us.

arnie&caseysma!

Sorry to hear that you are at the end of the road now - it is not going to be an easy journey the rest of the way.

It does not matter who has been the primary earner throughout the marriage. You have been as much of an earner (or saver) by staying at home childminding so you can be there for the children thus not having to pay out any minders fees yourselves which would cost a lot more.

You are entitled to 50% of the assets of the marriage, and if you are keeping the children you will be entitled to maintenance from your husband aswell.

There are websites which will let you know exactly what you will be entitled to benefit wise from the Government, including CB, CTC etc but I dont have a link for this - I'm sure someone coming along soon will have.

I appreciate that you want to have as little impact on the kids as possible but it is always going to affect them, some more than others. This coming from one of five children who were all affected in their own way when parents split up - 14 years down the line I still get upset now and again.

The best thing for the sake of the children that you can do is not fight about what is happening infront of them - again, maybe easier said than done. If your husband is intent on staying in the house and you have to find somewhere for you and the children then you should insist that it is sold, mortgage paid off and the equity split between you. At the end of the day what matters most now is re-settling yourselves and the children as soon as possible while still maintaining contact with their father.

I wish you all the best in sorting things out. Good luck. xx

loftus

Sorry to hear your story Crazymum.
As the primary carer of 6 children, when the dust settles I can't see you not still being in your house - although your husband may have a charge over a percentage of the value to be realised at certain trigger points i.e. your youngest child finishing full-time (6th form) education or you remarrying or cohabiting. The percentage would have to be negotiated between you - or if it has to go to court maybe decided by a judge.
Your husband would have to pay maintenance - I think of 25% of his net salary (I stand to be corrected here). Of course if he packs in work 25% or nothing is nothing.
Do you work over 16 hours a week? If so you would be entitled to working families tax credit as well as child tax credit and child benefit. Go to https://www.entitledto.co.uk - they have an online calculator for you to see what you can get.
Hopefully your husbands threat to quit is just that, a threat, and you can come to an amicable resolution. Remember that he will need enough to re-establish himself somewhere where he will also be able to have the children for overnight stays.
Unless you have fears over domestic violence or abuse you will need for him to agree to leave the house. If it is in joint names he has much right as you to be there.
Good luck. I hope you can work it out between you.

crazymum_2

About a month ago my husband was drinking quite a lot and did get very aggresive, the police were called on one occasion, this has now stopped but leaves me on edge still. Last night I had a phone call from our doctor to say that my father in law (who is a retired doctor) had phoned him to request medication to calm my husband down - medication was not given as our doctor did not think it would solve anything. Later my husband arrived home with his parents, my father in law said he felt that my husband should be sectioned as he was very suicidal, however they left my husband here with me and the children. It is a very difficult situation, I don't want to push my husband over the edge but equally so have the children to think of and am not really happy about him being here.
Life this morning has resumed as normal as if nothing had happened. Still unsure as to which way to turn, I think it is unlikely that he is going to continue to work and as he is self employed this means that our income will stop and at present I will be stuck with him still in the house.
In an ideal world I would like to be able to move on now and sort everything out but have no idea where to start.
Thankyou for support and help xx