Nightmare brother in law

Pee

Does your wife, her sister, have a good relationship with her? It might be an idea to get the two of them together, a night out, maybe an overnight or a weekend so that your wife can see what she really wants. The trouble is that it's what she wants that is important. he sounds horrid but 15 years is a long time to be with someone, he must have his good points which you can't see but which she fell in love with. Emotions can't just be switched on and off and we all do things that may not be the best for us.

mountainofdebt

Thank the Lord I've never been in a domestic violence situation nor have any of my family or friends (to my knowledge) but it struck me that by trying to help your SIL, you may also be coming across as bullying her.

I agree that she needs to know that there are organisations that can help her, should she decide to leave but she has to be the one to make that leap.

I think your sister should sit down with her and ask her what is stopping her leaving but don't be confrontational; if she doesn't want to talk about it then don't push it. Don't dismiss any reason she gives - give her practical solutions so if it is money then, suggest she starts an escape fund, if its housing then find out about accommodation she could apply for.

Are there any children involved?

swingaloo

My sis is in this position as I myself once was.
I had all the threats and burn the house down/ kill your family scenarios thrown at me. When I left. after nearly 30 years, (on the spur of the moment, with nothing, even though I had been planning for years!) he completely lost it and went to pieces in totally the opposite way. Crying, begging and was like a lost puppy. However you only need to read the papers to know they can also go the other way as they threatened.

My sis is in the same position as the OPs sis. She has talked for years about leaving and all the family are behind her, her husband is a monster and she has already put money away to get out. Her son is grown up and I cant see what shes waiting for. She has been offered a home with us till she gets on her feet and we are 400 miles from her husband who dosnt have our address. Still she cant pluck up the courage to leave.

OP, there is nothing a family can do, however well meaning, to make it happen. All you can do is be there if needed. I do know how you feel and hope it all turns out ok fr you all.

wongstack

Thanks for all the replies

Luckily there are no children involved, we all think it's the threats that stop her from leaving.

You guys have given me and my fam alot to think about, we certainly don't want to bully my sil in any way, we just want to help her.

Shes only 35, plenty of time to start again, if she wants too.