Low mood in student away from home...advice??

Jinx

My daughter is 19 and hundreds of miles away at Uni... She lives in Halls and a few weeks ago I posted re her having a panic attack.

Fast forward 3 weeks and she was due to visit home; she called the night before and was in a very upset state and told me that she'd been feeling very low, had been to the Dr and has been referred to a psychiatrist for 4 sessions. Her Dr is not keen to 'label' her and also is thankfully not keen to just prescribe anti-depressants etc... They have talked about low mood/anxiety/depression and she is due to return to the Dr after her 4 sessions....

Obviously Im really upset by all this and shes now been home and we've had some chats and the biggest prob she seems to have is trying to get along with those in her halls as she is the only one that works and she parties less than the others....Night time seems to be worse, with one negative thought leading to another and escalating until shes a complete state.

She a mature 19 year old, been away from home for nearly 2 years but shes still my baby... Anyone been in this situation, any ideas how to help??:(:(:(

consultant31

Ring the uni and ask to speak to her personal mentor (or whatever they call them).

Let them know how fragile she is at the moment and they will make a point of keeping an eye on her.

She could also ask to be reassigned to different room mates. When my DS went they were questioned quite closely about their habits (early bird v night owl etc) and the room assignments were very well done.

It can be very hard but although my son was very miserable during his first couple of terms he changed his views once he'd made some good friends and now (years later) admits it made a man of him.

ETA: she will always be your little girl - I'm still my Mum's and I'm 61 :rotfl:

Jinx

consultant31 wrote: »

Ring the uni and ask to speak to her personal mentor (or whatever they call them).

Let them know how fragile she is at the moment and they will make a point of keeping an eye on her.

She could also ask to be reassigned to different room mates. When my DS went they were questioned quite closely about their habits (early bird v night owl etc) and the room assignments were very well done.

It can be very hard but although my son was very miserable during his first couple of terms he changed his views once he'd made some good friends and now (years later) admits it made a man of him.

ETA: she will always be your little girl - I'm still my Mum's and I'm 61 :rotfl:

Thanks for that, think speaking to them would be a good idea. I did raise the idea of moving within the halls but shes not keen on that idea; her best friend is in that halls and they are very similar and she doesnt want to leave him (he and her bf seem to be her main supports).

I do kinda think leaving halls will help a lot, so just a few months to go - shes just so upset at the mo - it kills me....

LOL at mums little girl at 61!!! So true...:rotfl:

brighthair

can you post her some little treats every so often? Mum did this when I was at Uni and it made me really look forward to getting the post
Sometimes it was daft stuff like a funny card, or glitter pens, or sometimes an ASDA voucher, or a cheap dvd...

RedBern

may be worth her calling into the students union support office as well. They also deal with this type of problem regularly, and may be able to offer a student mentor or 3rd year student to keep an eye on her and suggest other ways of dealing with her unhappiness.

If she can think about taking little steps - it's almost Easter hols and she can come home for a few weeks, and then it's almost summer term ... and before you know it this year will be over. Has she got accommodation sorted for next year? Hopefully things will settle down.

Perhaps if she can write down what it is in particular she doesn't like about where she is, and what she can do to change it (as in if you don't like something, change it, if you can't change it - change your attitude!) Harsh but sometimes life isn't easy. Good Luck.

LillythePink

Please try and find help for her - GP/Uni etc - anywhere

I know that you know this, but the reason I say this, is that I work with a lady whose son went missing from his Uni just over a year ago - he was in the US at the time.

His body has never been found - from witness statements etc, it would point to him taking his own life - but his parents still live with a vague hope that he is still alive...obviously.

From reading journals etc, it would seem that he was depressed but didn't want to let people down etc - he was young as well.

I don't want to paint the worst picture of your daughter and am not saying that this would ever happen to her, but explore all avenues and if she needs help, get it.

I hope that she will be ok

joolsybools

Maybe she could rent a flat away from halls with her friends?

System

My university offered counselling and you were seen more or less straight away as opposed to NHS waiting lists so maybe that might be worth looking into?

Try and make sure her tutors know what's going on so they can support her in whichever way possible.

I wish i had more advice to offer, I went through uni without getting help for my MH problems and it really made things 10x harder,and by leaving it so long to get help I'm now in a less than desirable situation and only just getting things sorted (I have bipolar). I hope your daughter gets the help she needs.

She obviously has great support from you, just keep being there for her

Jinx

Thanks for all the advice guys....

She has actually seen her GP already and had her first session with the psychiatrist. I feel its really positive that she took herself there. So thats kinda covered. Lillythepink - I will admit this crossed my mind as she hadnt told me of the situation over the last 3 weeks cos I was upset re her panic attack. She has been told in no uncertain terms that I want to know - it doesnt matter if I get upset. This will be reinforced by her dad as shes with him for a few days and Ive already put him in the picture. Daytime actually seems okay, on her own at night is when she becomes upset etc She woke me at 2am this morning really distressed, so I spent a couple of hours chatting and calming her till she fell asleep again.

I think the suggestions of speaking to the Uni and sending little gifts are a really good and I will do this. Previously all my spare cash was going to her in the form of a weekly maintenance payment anyway but I am about to become debt free and I think a few treats are well deserved. She does get treats every time she comes home and has had her skiing and travel cards etc all paid for. She does work part time too and enjoys this but shes by no means wealthy!

Re moving from halls altogether - I did discuss this with her last night but shes off abroad for a longish family visit in a few weeks so she doesnt feel its worth the expense of leaving halls early. I do think that when she goes into private rented accommodation in a few months it will help the situation greatly. She also doesnt want to leave her best friend as hes in the same halls and he seems to be a fantastic support to her as well as provider of hugs when her boyfriend isnt there. Im so glad she has them both....

pozalina

Jinx wrote: »

She also doesnt want to leave her best friend as hes in the same halls and he seems to be a fantastic support to her as well as provider of hugs when her boyfriend isnt there. Im so glad she has them both....

My thoughts exactly. She has two people close by who care about her a great deal, and will keep an eye on her. In terms of resilience she has plusses there as she is unlikely to become isolated, even if she feel lonely etc at times.

She is of course lucky she also has a mum who she knows she can ring any hour of the night and day who will listen and be there for her

Jinx

Guys do you think it would help for her to have something to remind her of home - dunno - thinking of a locket perhaps, something to wear to remind her shes loved, not alone etc or perhaps something like a scarf with my perfume on it? No idea if that would help or not. I've never had or dealt with anxiety or low moods before, so I will admit to feeling a bit out of my depth. I will speak to her later in the week to see what her appointments are and if she needs counselling afterward then I'll make sure its sorted.