New address- do I have to tell ex husband?

animum

Hello all,

I am moving house shortly. I am currently mid divorce and the move is part of my "new life". currently her dad picks her up every other weekend but I am sick to death of snide comments which degenerate into an argument, usually in front of neighbours. so ideally, when I move I would like him to collect her from a neutral place....cafe or similar. so do I have to tell him my new address legally? I dont want him causing trouble again and trying to spy on me which has happened before and its not like I'm saying he cannot see daughter- I just want to be left in peace in my new place, with no abuse or hassle.

74jax

I am not sure if you have to 'legally' give him your new address, but if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't want my child going to my ex's house and not have the address.

I totally agree with the neutral drop off/pick up point though. Could you not agree on this now, so when you do come to move, it is already set in place that a neutral place is used?

Lance

Having his child go to an 'unknown' address would be a stick to beat you with through the courts whether he wins or not. I assume you will still be local so do you really think he will not be able to track you down? The neutral drop off point is a good idea and he would look unreasonable if he legally objected.

podperson

I appreciate that he seems like a complete prat (and that's the polite word!) but I think he should really have a right to know where his daughter lives - if it was the other way round and he moved and didn't want to give you his address would you feel comfortable with her going to stay with him? I agree the neutral place sounds like a good idea though and if he does start causing problems for you in the new address that make sure you make a note of everything in case you need it later.

celyn90

My sisters son is collected from a neutral location (with another family member being there so she doesn't have contact with them) when he has visits his fathers family. They are not supposed to know where she lives; but she suspects the family tracked her down anyway as it didn't last long for little incidents to kick off again.

But then her ex husband is in prison for attempted murder and there is a serious domestic violence and harassment component to that story too.

So for me it would depend on how serious his infactions are. If he (or his associates) are harassing you, stalking you, emotionally torturing you or threatening you, report them so you have a log - as this sort of behaviour is not good for you or your LO.

If it helps, she put the conditions on contact formally through a solicitor, so there was a full documented record of why the action had been taken.

Hope you find a compromise that works for you.

cel x

tanith

Just a thought but at some point (depending on age) your child is going to be able to furnish him with your address anyway...

EB69

He has no right to know where you live, but he does have a legal right to know where his child is staying. If you believe you are at risk of harm you can apply to the court to keep your address private, but in reality it would not that hard for him to find out where you live if he were minded to.

Perhaps your solicitors could write complaining of his behaviour and suggest neutral pick up and drop off point, and put him on notice that his behaviour wont be tolerated and if he continues you will seek an injunction to prevent him coming to your home? Of course this does depend on the nature of his behaviour though, and then there will be the costs implications etc.

cheepskate_2

Do you really want to put your child in the middle of you and your ex's arguments.
Child knows her address, but is sworn to secrecy by her mother, never to tell her father her own address.. Not really what you want a child in the middle of, better to get some other arrangement in place....... or just dont bite!

gratefulforhelp_2

You do need a bit of solicitor involvement, and you are probably on a sticky wicket doing this...because then he will feel free to refuse you his address as has been said, and do you really want your child staying at an unknown address?

animum

thanks for all the replies....I know my daughter will be able to give him the address and I would never forbid her to in the first place, she doesnt know it yet though. Im actually meaning for the first few weeks while we are settling in, not forever ( I should have specified that) its more a case of looking at my options than keeping him in the dark forever. I want her to settle in, as it is a new town, without any un needed dramas. I dont think we are at risk of physical harm...just aggravation more than anything.

minimoneysaver

Let him know your new address, but make it clear he isn't welcome there and say, for example, all future pick ups and drop off will be at XYZ (a mid way point) to avoid any issues. Better still, get your solicitor to put it in writing to make it more official and give him less wiggle room for confrontation.